Inviting my father

dani+james

I have not had a relationship with my father in a year and a half. My fiance has never met him and my uncle is walking me down the aisle. My question is, do I have to invite him to the wedding? If I don't, what is the right way to handle the situation? Do I write to him explaining my reasons for not inviting him? Or is this a situation that etiquette dictates I invite him? Also, if he's not invited do I include his name on the invitation with my mom's (they're divorced)? Any advice would help a lot!

raes19

H's mother wasn't invited to our wedding for a number of reasons. We don't have contact with her, so there was no reason to contact her about the wedding. We also left her name off the invitation and wedding announcement.

jmorford

we didn't invite h's father, and he still doesn't know that we got engaged or married. i've never met this man.
there isn't any etiquette saying that you have to invite him, especially since you have no contact with him and he's not a part of your life at all.

Simply Fated

You don't have to invite him if you don't want to. there is no etiquette for that. Same with the invitations. And its probably best not to write him a letter explaining why. If he asks, you can tell him if you want. otherwise, it's best to let it go.

strlzfan11

You don't have to invite him, but not doing so may ruin any chance you have of repairing the relationship on down the line.  That's your decision, so be prepared to live with the consequences.

If you don't invite him, I would not write him a letter explaining why.  If he comes right out and asks you, then you can tell him.

His name shouldn't be on the invitation if he's not hosting the event.

eorea

You don't have to invite him and there is no reason to send him a letter. I didn't invite my father and I just left it at that. I didn't notify him because there was no reason to. You shouldn't include his name on the invitation.

RaptorSLH

The only names that have to go on the invitation are the bride, the goom, and the host(s).  Since he's not hosting, no name on the invite.

For parents, not inviting one is potentially a bridge-burning move, but it sounds like you're already there, so...if you're ready to permanently cut ties, no invite is necessary.

chocofondue

it's better if you invite him after all his your dad and deep in his heart he can't resist you, he loves you. it's up to him if he will go and see you or maybe he's just going to take a peep on your wedding. of course he wants to see you in your wedding gown and he wants to see you happy.

you can have seperate invitations to your mom and dad

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-father?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:53f6f28f-32eb-4313-ba76-b05f027bae58Post:156799c7-5de4-48c6-922f-598dfd2a0a64">Re: Inviting my father</a>:
[QUOTE]it's better if you invite him after all his your dad and deep in his heart he can't resist you, he loves you. it's up to him if he will go and see you or maybe he's just going to take a peep on your wedding. of course he wants to see you in your wedding gown and he wants to see you happy. you can have seperate invitations to your mom and dad :)
Posted by chocofondue[/QUOTE]

How do you have any clue her father feels that way?  He may be a really toxic dirtbag.  There is a reason OP has cut communication with him so please don't use the puppies and rainbows approach when the details of their relationship aren't known.

OP - I agree with the others.  You know the details of your relationship and you know whether or not there will ever be any kind of reconciliation.  I vote no to your questions.

BMcLeodTeam

You don't have to invite him, there is definitely no rule saying you must! Also, if you aren't close enough to him to invite him, then you don't owe him an explanation of why you didn't, so you don't have to write anything to him! His name wouldn't go on the invitation as he's not hosting the wedding with you.

RaptorSLH

[QUOTE]it's better if you invite him after all his your dad and deep in his heart he can't resist you, he loves you. it's up to him if he will go and see you or maybe he's just going to take a peep on your wedding. of course he wants to see you in your wedding gown and he wants to see you happy. you can have seperate invitations to your mom and dad :)
Posted by chocofondue[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I have a friend who was sexually abused by her father from the age of 5.  On behalf of her, and everyone else with dirtbag fathers:  what the blue blazes is wrong with you?  Not everyone's family is sunshine and lollipops.   She has already told us there is a serious split with her father.  Until you know otherwise, assume she has a good reason for it.</div>

rebarobert2012

You should not include his name on the invitations since he is not hosting the event.

It's fine if you do not want to invite him.  However, don't write him a letter afterwards explaining why.  It sounds like you aren't in contact with him anyway, so there is no reason to explain.

dani+james

Thanks everybody. It really helps to get opinions from people who aren't personally involved!