I just dont want his sisters in the wedding

hrking2011

I feel so awful and guilty for not wanting his younger sisters in the wedding
he wants his 4 year old sister to be the flower girl which would be fine but weve tried to practice with her and she gets soo shy she just screams and throws a fit, then he wants his 8 year old sister to be in the wedding somewhere? and he wants his 12 year old sister to be a bridesmaid when i had only planned on having 2 bridesmaids. I just do NOT want his sisters in my wedding and what makes me feel sooo down right shitty is that im having my younger brothers (7 and 8) be the ring bearers, but not once have i ever forced that, it was actually his idea for them to be in the wedding. His family is my second family so its not that i dont like them, just for whatever reason I dont want them in my wedding. What do i do?

aMrsin09

get three cute dresses in the wedding colors and let them walk down the aisle.  They'll love it and it won't be any sweat off your back.

FWIW I think 7 & 8 is far too old to be ring bearers.

M&R7111

The older sisters can be junior bridesmaids.  They get to wear a pretty dress and walk down the isle.  I don't even think they need to stand up with you.  I was a jr BM when my Uncle got married and that's what I did, I was only in middle school then.  It felt really cool to be included on that day!

For the little one, she might throw a fit and cry.  I've seen it with ring bearers and flower girls.  Actually, my brother was about 5 when my Uncle got married and was mad at something that day.  Every formal picture has my dad holding him and he has a HUGE sourpuss on.  Happens.

You might just run the risk that the day of she won't want to walk down the isle. Maybe have a back-up plan with MIL in case this happens. But give it a go anyway.  Maybe she can walk with the ring bearer so she's not by herself ?  For all the attention grabbing little kids do, it's always strange to see them clam up when you put them in the spotlight in front of 100+ people!

Just remember, these girls are going to be your SISTER-in-laws.  They are important to your brother, so try to include them.  You've stated that you don't want them in "YOUR WEDDING", but really, it's your FI's wedding too!  But they are young, so you have to be flexible and understanding.  You might get some tantrums - comes with the 4-year old package.  If you don't let this bother you, there is no problem. 

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_just-dont-want-his-sisters-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:53fccdc9-e08c-4e61-ad59-406c5af7dc3cPost:73f0f9be-05ca-474a-8fc9-cf2bb31e0dd9">I just dont want his sisters in the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel so awful and guilty for not wanting his younger sisters in the wedding he wants his 4 year old sister to be the flower girl which would be fine but weve tried to practice with her and she gets soo shy she just screams and throws a fit, then he wants his 8 year old sister to be in the wedding somewhere? and he wants his 12 year old sister to be a bridesmaid when i had only planned on having 2 bridesmaids. I just do NOT want his sisters in<strong> my</strong> wedding and what makes me feel sooo down right shitty is that im having my younger brothers (7 and 8) be the ring bearers, but not once have i ever forced that, it was actually his idea for them to be in the wedding. His family is my second family so its not that i dont like them, just for whatever reason I dont want them in <strong>my</strong> wedding. What do i do?
<p>Posted by hrking2011[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>You mistype the word 'our' a lot, and it's rather telling.</p>

M&R7111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_just-dont-want-his-sisters-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:53fccdc9-e08c-4e61-ad59-406c5af7dc3cPost:1a52d6d1-80e4-4a8d-b0be-5bf7370c3f9b">Re: I just dont want his sisters in the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to I just dont want his sisters in the wedding :   You mistype the word 'our' a lot, and it's rather telling.
Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]

I agree!  haha. 

akhensley81

I agree with aMrs... just put them in cute matching dresses and let them walk down the aisle ahead of your BP. Then have them take a seat in the front row. Just becaues they walk down the aisle, it doesn't mean they have to stand with you, but then at least they get to make an appearance. Depending on your floral budget, give them each a little bouquet that matches your BMs and they'll feel suuuper special.

Have all the sisters walk togther and maybe the little one won't freak out.

packlite

while you do get to choose your BP and he gets to choose the GM, i think its important to include the girls in some way, especially if its really important to FI.  Most guys are so indifferent about so many things regarding the wedding.  I have learned that anything that my FI feels strongly about or really would like to include on our big day, we should do it, b/c so many of the things were what I really wanted and dreamed of.

 I like the idea of them in cute dresses and walking down together - solves the issue of the 4 y/o nerves too and includes everyone.

One of my FI big things was that we have hints of yellow in our floral arrangements and a few layers of chocolate cake/filling in our cake....random but he wanted that so...we are doing it!  Easy

Knittibell

Ditto the PP's- if he wants them, they're in. Done and Done. Get them dresses that work with your colors, and if the little one is really freaked out, they can walk her down, with her in the middle, each of them holding one of her hands.

It's NOT YOUR wedding, it's an equally special day for both of you. You need to get that into your mind, and adjust your attitude.

Are his sisters by any chance cuter than you? I'm really trying to work out how this would in any way even be an issue!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Yup, when you have kids in your wedding, they can be unpredictable. But I will say that I was a flower girl in my dad's cousin's wedding when I was barely 2 years old. My mom was SO worried I wouldn't walk down the aisle in front of everyone. Well, the RB, who was 6, was the one who freaked out. I grabbed his hand and pretty much dragged him down the aisle. It all worked out. If she needs to be carried down the aisle by FMIL or walk with her sisters, so be it.

Tell FI they can be Jr. BMs or "groomsgirls" and wear matching dresses and walk down the aisle. You can even have them sit rather than stand for the whole ceremony. But they'll love wearing special clothes and being listed in the program.

wadingmoose

Why is it so bad to include your new family in the wedding?

Since he's the groom and all, you might try caring about what he wants.  It'll be good practice for after you have the party.

aaf10

His family is my second family so its not that i dont like them, just for whatever reason I dont want them in my wedding. What do i do?

wow! this is just wrong

squirrly

You include them anyway.  There are a number of good suggestions above.  But first - you need to recognize it's not your wedding day.  It's you AND your FI's wedding day.  Plural.  So, share in the decision making with him.  This is important, so compromise.

Lisa8888

I understand why your FI wants to include his sisters but it doesn't make sense in this case. The 4 year old has proven that she can't be a FG and it doesn't sound like she wants to be a FG with her screaming and throwing fits.

His other 2 sisters are 8 and 12. They are really too young to be BMs and they obviously aren't your friends. Does he want to pair a 25 year old GM with his 8 or 12 year old sister.

I wouldn't include them.

hrking2011

Well considering my own fiance calls it MY wedding i guess it becomes a habit to call it that as well. Well he finally just decided he didnt want the two younger ones in it so we switched everything around and I made his oldest sister a bridesmaid and my oldest brother a groomsman.

klb21

Looks like you already have a solution for you but I was going to throw another option out there just in case. Your brothers and his sisters could all be involved but flip the sides they are standing on so that your brothers are on the bride's side and his sister's stand (or sit) on the groom's side. 

eshevenell

I've got to be honest - it shocks me that you wouldn't want his sisters in the WP, but seem to consider it a given that your brothers be included.  Very selfish.  Besides, 90% of what is adorable about flower girls (and ring bearers) is the possibility that they could have a tantrum.  And everyone will think it's cute even if they do!  Sounds like you worked out the situation in your own way, but I think you should have given in much earlier and more gracefully and included all three of the sisters in the WP.  Leaving two of them out, and leaving one of your brothers out, just seems really wrong to me.  How will those left out feel about that later on?

Lisa8888

Since when do all siblings have to be in a WP? Plenty of people don't have all of their siblings in their WP. A wedding party is not suppose to be selected on the basis of bloodline. Close friends are suppose to be in a wedding party and sometimes siblings are also close friends. But little girls age 8 and 12 are obviously not friends of the bride and groom. They are also too young to be BMs.

And it is not adorable to see a FG having a tantrum.

Belle2Be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_just-dont-want-his-sisters-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:53fccdc9-e08c-4e61-ad59-406c5af7dc3cPost:7503f1b4-df69-4266-8726-9d91c0e5c56f">Re: I just dont want his sisters in the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Well considering my own fiance calls it MY wedding i guess it becomes a habit to call it that as well. Well he finally just decided he didnt want the two younger ones in it so we switched everything around and I made his oldest sister a bridesmaid and my oldest brother a groomsman.
Posted by hrking2011[/QUOTE]
So HE's not getting married that day too?

ekilzer1

I am glad you two came to an agreement.... however I am hoping he didn't just cave in to make you happy. They aren't just any family... they are immediate family and they will soon be your sisters. It's not like that are a random cooky aunt or something....

My fiance has already said that both of my brothers will be groomsmen at this wedding: AND HE HASN'T EVEN MET ONE OF THEM..... vice-versa for me. I have not met his sister, but she will be a bridesmaid at my wedding.... no questions asked. It's just what you do for family.

Lisa8888

And how many times do people post that the bride alone gets to select her BMs and the groom alone gets to select his GMs.

mags0607

I personally wouldn't feel right having your brothers as ring bearers and excluding his sister as the flower girl. Since we are talking about kids here, its only fair to include all of them (your side and his side) or not have them in the wedding at all. Frankly it makes his family look unimportant if your brother(s) are ring bearers and his little sisters are just sitting there as normal guests. You will have to deal with hurt feelings for much longer than one day if you do decided to keep it how it is and not have his two younger sisters in the wedding, while both your brothers and their oldest sister is in the wedding.

HanayomeToBe

Why don't you try incorporating your future husband's sisters in my letting the older ones be junior bridesmaids. That could work.

PenelopeSnuz

This is so silly.  Get over it.

We have 4 little girls all dressing up as flower girls because we would have had hurt feelings if any were excluded.  One will be 5, one 4, one 3, and one 2. 

Their parents are happy they are included, they get to wear cute dresses, and if one or 2 or 3 don't make it down the aisle because kids are unpredictable, then so be it.  The world will keep turning!

ks3pink

I didn't include my FSIL in our wedding because she has some issues and we just do not like each other.  My fiance agreed though, he didn't want her either, only their mom was upset but she got over it.  BUT you really like his sisters so I agree its a little strange that you couldn't come up with something, even program attendants.

mrandmrsgal

give them another special role, like handing out programs