Bridal Shower

D&BRamirez

Hey ladies! I need a little help. What is the propper etiquette in inviting people to a bridal shower? I am not having a reception, just a dinner with immediate family, although everyone in both of our entire families are invited to the ceremony. Is it ok to invite everyone to a bridal shower? or not have one at all?

AdeleDazeem

oh my.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-53?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:540273e1-5805-4067-b6e4-b8a457783f16Post:c43cf193-29b3-4674-869f-d534b18bd4f4">Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey ladies! I need a little help. What is the propper etiquette in inviting people to a bridal shower? I am not having a reception, just a dinner with immediate family, although everyone in both of our entire families are invited to the ceremony. Is it ok to invite everyone to a bridal shower? or not have one at all?
Posted by D&BRamirez[/QUOTE]


Is someone hosting the shower for you? If not, then you shouldn't have one.  Generally, the shower guest list is intimate and is made from close friends and family who ARE invited to the ceremony.

Mrs.B6302007

And the no reception thing? THat's really poor form.  If people come to your ceremony, you are expected to thank them by hosting some sort of reception, even if it's cake and punch at a non-dinner time.

em01092

Ditto PPs. Your bridal shower GL should come from people invited to the wedding. And you really should host your guests with a reception, even with something light. It is very rude to not do so. If you don't want to do this or cannot afford to (even though it can be inexpensive) you should elope and turn down any showers. 

J&K10910

A dinner after the ceremony is fine--as long as you're hosting/paying, and everyone invited to the ceremony is invited to the dinner.  If you can't afford to feed everyone at the ceremony dinner, you should explore some of the more inexpensive options that PP mentioned. 

Beverly8

No, definitely not ok.  A bridal shower as PPs have said is for everyone on the guest list to your wedding.  You should also host a dinner or refreshments for EVERYONE attending the ceremony.  It is extremely rude and poor form to invite people to the ceremony and not to the reception.  A reception is a thank you to ALL of those who attended your ceremony.  I would re think all of this if i were you and as PPs have said, either elope or find something in your budget for all of your guests.

Nickivegan

Yes to everything PP said. Do not host your own shower. Everyone at the ceremony goes to the reception/dinner. Unfortunately you can not have a large ceremony with a private reception. You can find great advice from the DIY or Budget Boards to keep things in your budget. GL!

RaptorSLH

Agreed.  Don't have a big ceremony if you can't afford a big reception, and don't invite people to the shower who aren't invited to both ceremony and reception.  That's telling people they should buy you a gift, even though they're not important enough to celebrate with you.  It doesn't have to be butlered service - sandwiches are fine - but don't invite people to only half the event.  A tiered reception (and yes, that includes just taking your immediate families out to dinner) is very rude.

There are budget-friendly options avaiable if that is a concern.  If space is the problem, you either need to trim the guest list, or find another venue.  If you just don't want a reception, then one of the things you have to give up to make that happen is a large ceremony and large pre-wedding parties.

And you should not host your own shower.  Showers may be gifted to you by family, a bridesmaid, etc, IF they volunteer to do so.  Hosting your own is gift-grabby and rude.

D&BRamirez

Thank you ladies... and i am not having a reception because of my grandparent's terminal illness... we are not sure when he will go and it is customary in my family not to have any type of celebration upto 6 months after a death.

MyUserName1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-53?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:540273e1-5805-4067-b6e4-b8a457783f16Post:a7314879-c2ad-4cdb-abcb-c33f483115d3">Re: Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you ladies... and i am not having a reception because of my grandparent's terminal illness... we are not sure when he will go and it is customary in my family not to have any type of celebration upto 6 months after a death.
Posted by D&BRamirez[/QUOTE]

<div>Isn't the wedding itself the celebration?</div><div>
</div><div>The reception is the thank you to your guests for attending your wedding ceremony.</div>

Jana711

So, doesn't that mean that you should postpone your wedding for at least 6 months..you know...considering that a wedding is a celebratory event?

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-53?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:540273e1-5805-4067-b6e4-b8a457783f16Post:a7314879-c2ad-4cdb-abcb-c33f483115d3">Re: Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you ladies... and i am not having a reception because of my grandparent's terminal illness... we are not sure when he will go and it is customary in my family not to have any type of celebration upto 6 months after a death.
Posted by D&BRamirez[/QUOTE]

<div>I am very sorry to hear that about your grandfather. This custom is new to me, but if that is what your family does, then that's what they do. I don't mean to sound rude, but would your family not expect you to put the entire wedding on hold? Weddings in themselves are happy occasions. </div><div>
</div><div>My suggestion would be to keep the wedding ceremony GL to family only then, and do the dinner idea as planned, or just have some light refreshments. Skip the DJ, dancing, tosses, etc. Or you could go even more drastic and postpone the wedding until he passes, so that you have time to grieve. </div><div>
</div><div>IMO, you should not have to suffer because of your grandfather's possible/hypothetical passing. Is that what he would want for you, should be pass? I would like to think he'd want you be happy, not mourning him at your wedding. While I understand it would be hard for you and yours, especially if he passed just shortly before the wedding, it might help everyone look forward if they had something joyful to anticipate. Good luck. </div>

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-53?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:540273e1-5805-4067-b6e4-b8a457783f16Post:a7314879-c2ad-4cdb-abcb-c33f483115d3">Re: Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you ladies... and i am not having a reception because of my grandparent's terminal illness... we are not sure when he will go and it is customary in my family not to have any type of celebration upto 6 months after a death.
Posted by D&BRamirez[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry about your grandfather.  But the wedding itself is a celebration, so unless you're going to reschedule your wedding, your grandfather's potential death is not a good reason to be rude to your guests.  You need to host SOMETHING for all invited.  Either have cake and punch at the church after the ceremony, or keep your ceremony small, with only the family you intend to have dinner with after.

NOLAbridealmost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-53?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:540273e1-5805-4067-b6e4-b8a457783f16Post:a7314879-c2ad-4cdb-abcb-c33f483115d3">Re: Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you ladies... and i am not having a reception because of my grandparent's terminal illness... we are not sure when he will go and it is customary in my family not to have any type of celebration upto 6 months after a death.
Posted by D&BRamirez[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm very sorry to hear about your grandfather's failing health. That said, you have three ways to follow your family's mourning tradition that comport with etiquette: 1) wait to get married until 6 months after your grandfather passes and invite all guests to both the wedding and reception, 2) elope, 3) invite only the immediate family to the ceremony and the dinner. </div><div>
</div><div>All guests must be invited to all aspects of the wedding. Doing it any other way is a huge slap in the face to people who don't make the cut to attend both things. </div><div>
</div><div>As far as bridal showers, only those invited to the wedding (and the reception; it's a package deal) should be invited to showers and you should never throw your own shower. Showers are a gift given to the bride by someone who wants to host one.</div>

redheadfsu

I'm sorry about your grandfather; but I agree with pps. Either postpone the entire wedding, Limit it to close family at both the ceremony and reception, or elope and have a party 6 months later. But what you are planning is rude

J&K10910

I'm sorry about your grandfather, but I think in your case, it's best to limit the guests at the ceremony to those you plan to take out to dinner. 

Loopyseven

I agree with NOLA.  100%.  

RaptorSLH

Sorry about your grandfather, but I agree with NOLA and the other posters.  If you want to maintain such an onerous mourning custom, that is your choice, but you shouldn't be rude to your guests to do it.  Also, I agree wtih those pointing out that a big wedding itself would be a celebration violating that custom.  

The precise timing of a terminal illness can be hard to predict.  People can linger for months, or go unexpectedly.  Postponing the wedding could mean waiting a good deal longer than six months.  I think your best move is either have a subdued ceremony and reception, or drop the mourning period and start a new tradition that celebrates the life of the deceased, instead of asking the living to postpone theirs.

How does your FI feel about being told he and his family aren't allowed to celebrate because of your family's mourning customs?

Viczaesar

A reception isn't a celebration, it's a thank you - a required thank you - for your guests for coming. 

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-53?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:540273e1-5805-4067-b6e4-b8a457783f16Post:a51fda8b-df2e-4b02-9ecb-8fbe577fa97a">Re: Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]A reception isn't a celebration, it's a thank you - a required thank you - for your guests for coming. 
Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]

<div>Completely correct, but I guess OP (and her family's custom?) meant like the dancing and more festive traditions which usually take place at the reception, since the reception seems to be the issue here to her family and not the wedding itself. </div>

smartlypretty

Agree with everything posted above. But just wanted to add that my dad's family (Greek orthodox) follows a similar mourning tradition so it's not that strange. You don't hold any type of celebration (including a wedding AT ALL) for 6 months. but eloping would be okay. A few years ago a cousin had to wait to baptize his daughter. She was walking by the time they held it.

RaptorSLH

[QUOTE]But just wanted to add that my dad's family (Greek orthodox) follows a similar mourning tradition so it's not that strange. You don't hold any type of celebration (including a wedding AT ALL) for 6 months. but eloping would be okay. A few years ago a cousin had to wait to baptize his daughter. She was walking by the time they held it.
Posted by smartlypretty[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Really?  I didn't think the orthodox branches encouraged delayed baptisms?  I thought it was like the Catholic church, where they think a child's salvation could be at risk if (s)he died unbaptised?

</div>

smartlypretty

@raptor- you know, I'm going to need to ask my dad more about it when I see him today. It's possible it's partly cultural too- they came from a small island in Greece.