Back to the Guest Dilemma.....

teresakate

So, I posted a couple days ago something regarding my fiance's best friend and his girlfriend and the drama they caused. I'd like to give you all the update, and again ask for more advice....

Today my FI met with his BM and discussed the issues with the BM girlfriend and mother of his children. You see, I got a Facebook message from the "BM", "he" stated in the email that he found me disrespectful, and that I was not his friend. My FI was. And that was as far it went.

I was offended and hurt by the message, and did not feel comfortable with people like that in my wedding party.

I have had a rough time with this "girlfriend", as she has told me lies about my FI, and she has rubbed his first marriage in my face, she has made comments about my FI being lonely, and marrying me because he was lonely. Mind you, she has known my FI for less that one year. She only knows him from her bf, which is my FI BEST FRIEND!! She also told me that the BM would not be attending the wedding, that we could "count them out"

During the talk my FI had with him. it came to be that the BM did NOT write the email, his girlfriend did, he said he had no idea. He told my FI that he was happy for him, that he liked me, and that he was really sorry that I received an email like that, from her, pretending to be him! And he NEVER said he would not be in it. The BM told my FI he would not miss it for anything....

So, with this being known, do I still have to invite her!?!?!?!? I mean, do I really want to share my day with such a conniving brat???

Or I do I really have to "bite my tounge" and feed her.

teresakate

Not everyone has the same wedding, I guess. For the sake of cost, not everyone we speak to and that is helping needs an invite. Just gets tossed anyway.

squirrly

Yeah, that's not QUITE what I said.  You need to talk to your FI's friend and find out what HE wants.  It's really more about not hurting HIS feelings than hers.  The ONLY reason you have any leeway with it is that she technically already declined the invite. 

BTW, when is your wedding? 

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_back-guest-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:541b4903-9a18-4775-9619-e3c0d7a3f79aPost:99bd53bb-0cf6-4db6-8c6d-ec9afd0238f2">Re: Back to the Guest Dilemma.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Not everyone has the same wedding, I guess. For the sake of cost, not everyone we speak to and that is helping needs an invite. Just gets tossed anyway.
Posted by teresakate[/QUOTE]


No, no, no, no, no.  If they're invited, they get an invite.  Period.  If you can't afford an invite for the guest, you need to cut costs another way.  This just isn't ok.  Seriously. 

Invites are like tickets to a football game.  You can't get in without one.  It's beyond not right to not send your WP invites.  If you want to save the postage and hand deliver them - ok.  But still. 

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_back-guest-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:541b4903-9a18-4775-9619-e3c0d7a3f79aPost:11727fe4-f15c-419d-b5bc-6ee984f735bd">Re: Back to the Guest Dilemma.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks Squirrly. I guess it is our wedding, we can invite or univite whomever we want. ;) I am not concerned with hurting her feelings, and I am pretty sure the GM would understand. My FI told him he was not thrilled with her being there either, with all the drama she created.
Posted by teresakate[/QUOTE]

<div>Um, it's your wedding, but the same rules of etiquette apply.  You can't just uninvite people as you please, that would be rude.  It's different if she declined the invitation.  And I think pretty much everyone with eyes would agree that Squirrly did not tell you to "invite or univite whomever we want."</div>

teresakate

9-10-11

And there is obvious confusion regarding above posts--

squirrly

But mica!  What about the people reading in Braille?   

vicki0508

Sometimes guests verbally decline after STDs get sent out.  Even in that instance it's still proper to send them an invitation, in case they change their mind.

I think in this situation, it is really up in the air whether or not the GF has declined, so why not send the formal invitation?  When it gets sent back to you - you'll know for sure if she is coming or not.

mica178

Okay, the blind are exempted from my generalization.  

teresakate

No, she did not. That is not what I meant. I should have been more clear.

Thanks for the advice, but I should actually talk about this with people who I know, and who will be there. I am grateful for the time you took to advise me.

I am sure everything will work out just fine.

vicki0508

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_back-guest-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:541b4903-9a18-4775-9619-e3c0d7a3f79aPost:e191f80d-5c08-4721-88ca-ad830649965b">Re: Back to the Guest Dilemma.....</a>:
[QUOTE]9-10-11 And there is obvious confusion regarding above posts--
Posted by teresakate[/QUOTE]
We have the same date - so I'm pretty sure you are worrying about invitations WAY too early.  It's one thing to nail down a guest list, but being this precise about invitations this early is bound to give you more unnecessary headaches.

squirrly

Well, you've got some time before you have to finalize whether she's invited or not, since invites won't go out until July 1.  Maybe try to build a good relationship between now and then and circumvent the whole issue? 

Also - what's the misunderstanding? 

teresakate

Yes, yes, yes. You are right.

Thanks

teresakate

Oh nothing

Thanks again for the advice, I realize we are not having a very "traditional" wedding with proper etiquette... and that is fine by us.   


Have a great 2011 everyone!

squirrly

Teresakate, being traditional is not necessary.  A lot of the traditional style for stuff really isn't etiquette and isn't necessary (i.e. only black ink on engraved invites,etc.)  What is necessary is the CONCEPT of etiquette.  There are a lot of ways to do something politely, and still be considerate to your guests, which is what we're suggesting you do. 

Don't eschew etiquette simply because you're having a non-traditional wedding.  Just understand the concept behind the "rule" and apply it appropriately to your situation. 

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_back-guest-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:541b4903-9a18-4775-9619-e3c0d7a3f79aPost:621db25d-4139-4d06-8b3e-3c0e2bca0061">Re: Back to the Guest Dilemma.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh nothing ;) Thanks again for the advice, I realize we are not having a very "traditional" wedding with proper etiquette... and that is fine by us.   ;) Have a great 2011 everyone!
Posted by teresakate[/QUOTE]
Having a non-traditional wedding is fine. Having a non-traditional wedding with improper etiquette is not fine.
Don't be rude to your guests. That's my advice. :)

Wrkn925

Squirlly, your patience is going to make you an amazing mother.

And in other randomness, what's attached to your bouquet?  I saw the R thing and something else. 

Snippylynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_back-guest-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:541b4903-9a18-4775-9619-e3c0d7a3f79aPost:5137467d-2cfc-4609-9645-9ef97f3730f8">Re: Back to the Guest Dilemma.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Squirlly, your patience is going to make you an amazing mother.
Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

For.Real.  I would have ripped my hair out already.

emilyinchile

I really don't get the logic of posters who come to the ETIQUETTE board to ask for advice and then follow-up with "well we aren't traditional/live in special princess land/have family and friends who love us unconditionally, so we aren't worried about etiquette." Umm, maybe your question would have best been directed elsewhere, in that case?

Mrs.B6302007

So is this thread the reason you want to delete your account?
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_delete-2

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_back-guest-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:541b4903-9a18-4775-9619-e3c0d7a3f79aPost:d42aa907-e0e9-4f80-8fab-225b26dfc187">Re: Back to the Guest Dilemma.....</a>:
[QUOTE]So is this thread the reason you want to delete your account? <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_delete-2" rel="nofollow">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_delete-2</a>
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]


Ayeyiyiyi

I'm not really sure how you spell that, but still.  I channelled MrsB and everything in this one.  :) 

Wrkn, not sure if you'll see this, but I had a bouquet wrap with the R, and a needlepoint bookmark that my grandfather (whose funeral was exactly one year prior to our wedding) made.  The florist tucked the end of the bookmark into the flowers and it was really just visible from the back, but we highlighted it in a few photos.  The running joke when I was little was if Dad was in a bad mood, my grandfather would walk me up the aisle when I got married.  Dad was in a great mood, but I got both of them, in a manner of speaking. 

Wrkn925

That's super sweet Squirrly.  I figured it was something sentimental.  Please excuse my nosiness.

My grandfather passed away in March, and I hate a little note he wrote me. If I get married, it will be in my bouquet

teresakate

Does it matter why I want to delete my account?

My goodnesss....... ugh--

Goodbye Brides.