Wedding Etiquette Forum

XP: STDs and SOs? (a little long)

Hi, this might be a silly question and I'm sure it has been asked before, but I want to make sure I'm doing this right.  I will be starting to address my save the dates soon, so I was wondering, do the names of people's significant others go on the save the dates?

Of course, we will include the names of spouses, fiances, and live-in/long-term partners on the save the dates.  We are also inviting everybody's boyfriends and girlfriends, as well as inviting single guests with dates, but I wasn't sure whether to address the save the date to John Doe + girlfriend or just John Doe, especially if they've only been going out for a very short time.

I want all of our guests to know that their SOs are invited.  The only reason I would think of leaving SO's names off is because some of these relationships are really new and they may or may not last and I know save the date = invitation.  If I address the save the date to John Doe and Suzy Smith, and then John and Suzy break up six months from now, would that mean I still have to invite her because her name was on the save the date?  Or is it understood that she was only invited because she was dating John and then it's ok to not invite her and to instead invite whoever his current girlfriend is?

Summary:  I know I will be putting the names of spouses, fiances, and live-in partners on the save the dates, but I'm wondering about the names of boyfriends and girlfriends, especially those who have not been together very long.  All SOs will be invited, but do I include their name on the save the date?  If I include the names of BF/GFs on the STD and the couple breaks up, is it then ok to not invite the ex-BF/GF?  Thanks for any feedback!
Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: XP: STDs and SOs? (a little long)

  • I would put the SO on the STD or include a note that the SO is included.
  • If you know they have a SO, but don't know the name, just write Joe Doe & Guest.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-stds-and-sos-a-little-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:54372f7b-b49e-487f-ba63-03b042ab0a2bPost:d3b745b3-ab7d-405f-9748-3cfefd847935">Re: XP: STDs and SOs? (a little long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you know they have a SO, but don't know the name, just write Joe Doe & Guest.
    Posted by cajitasazules[/QUOTE]

    No.   This rude.   If you know a SO exists you should find out the name.    If they don't live together that's when you include the note.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-stds-and-sos-a-little-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:54372f7b-b49e-487f-ba63-03b042ab0a2bPost:156f806d-6634-467d-bfa3-53bbf4852c97">Re: XP: STDs and SOs? (a little long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: XP: STDs and SOs? (a little long) : No.   This rude.   If you know a SO exists you should find out the name.    If they don't live together that's when you include the note.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    <div>But if they don't have a SO you are aware of (or may not at the time the STD, but do by the wedding) then at least you let them know that they are extended a plus one.  We  had this exact situation and easily obtained the name on the RSVP card.</div>
  • Thanks for the responses!  It sounds like you are both in agreement that I should include all SO names on the STDs, which I will do.  If I don't know the names of SOs I will try to find out by asking or by FB.  In that case, if the couple breaks up before invitations go out, am I stuck inviting the SO or is it ok to not invite them, even though they were included ont the STD?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-stds-and-sos-a-little-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:54372f7b-b49e-487f-ba63-03b042ab0a2bPost:fe092e05-0ac4-46bc-80b0-2737d0b3134c">Re: XP: STDs and SOs? (a little long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for the responses!  It sounds like you are both in agreement that I should include all SO names on the STDs, which I will do.  If I don't know the names of SOs I will try to find out by asking or by FB.  In that case, if the couple breaks up before invitations go out, am I stuck inviting the SO or is it ok to not invite them, even though they were included ont the STD?
    Posted by walgrrl[/QUOTE]

    <div>I tend to think that the SO would decline if the relationship ended. </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-stds-and-sos-a-little-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:54372f7b-b49e-487f-ba63-03b042ab0a2bPost:fe092e05-0ac4-46bc-80b0-2737d0b3134c">Re: XP: STDs and SOs? (a little long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for the responses!  It sounds like you are both in agreement that I should include all SO names on the STDs, which I will do.  If I don't know the names of SOs I will try to find out by asking or by FB.  In that case, if the couple breaks up before invitations go out, am I stuck inviting the SO or is it ok to not invite them, even though they were included ont the STD?
    Posted by walgrrl[/QUOTE]

    <div>If the relationship ends before your invitations go out, you do not need to invite the SO.  It should be obvious to the SO that they were being invited as the SO of your friend, especially if you have to check FB for the name.  If the couple does not live together, just send one STD to your friend's house and write the SO name on it. </div><div>
    </div><div>For adding an "and guest" for single people, unless it's a destination wedding, I would not do this.  Your budget may change and you may not be able to give all single guests a plus one, but if you write it on the STD, you have to.  We only sent STDs to the people that we were 100% inviting, that way we had some flexibility with our guest list if we needed it. </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-stds-and-sos-a-little-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:54372f7b-b49e-487f-ba63-03b042ab0a2bPost:98bf38fd-1f04-421d-afa4-9844df4871aa">Re: XP: STDs and SOs? (a little long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: XP: STDs and SOs? (a little long) : But if they don't have a SO you are aware of (or may not at the time the STD, but do by the wedding) then at least you let them know that they are extended a plus one.  We  had this exact situation and easily obtained the name on the RSVP card.
    Posted by cajitasazules[/QUOTE]

    That's not what you said.   Your first post indicated that you'd note the SO was invited by writing 'and guest'.   That's rude and lazy since you know someone exists and you're opting to not find out the name.

    That's different than just saying that a truly single person is welcome to bring a random person.
  • walgrrlwalgrrl member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2012
    Got it, thank you!  One more etiquette problem solved Smile
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards