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HELP!

My fiance's brother just got engaged last February & 2 months ago they decided to set a date for a small wedding this September (my fiance's brother got her pregnant after about only 3 weeks of them dating).  My fiance and I are getting married in July of 2012, and we were engaged long before they even met!  I REALLY cannot stand my fiance's brother's fiance at all!  I'm furious to find out that she STOLE all our wedding idea's for herself & I'm livid!  She basically took everything except the wedding venue!  I'm doing a black & white wedding, well she's doing black.  I stated that I wanted ALL LILLIES, well, she's doing Lillies.  I'm putting my brides maid's in black dresses, well so is she. 

Most of the women I've told think it's horrible.  BUT, I've also been told "well, it's flattery.  Take it as a compliment."  I'm sorry, I disagree!  I think it's RUDE, in POOR TASTE, and pretty DIS-RESPECTFUL!  She's basically stepping on my toes (which is not the first time she has done something to step on my toes).  Any advise?? 

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