MOB vs MOH

mysi019

Okay I am really confused...
 
I hear on here that it is wrong for the mother of the bride to host the bridal shower by some posters. Some of those same posters get all bent out of shape when brides complain about their MOH not wanting to do anything for the brides. They say that the only thing the MOH have to do is show up for the wedding. That they are not supposed to do anything else.

So which is it?

And before anyone gets all upset, I am more curious than anything. Whether its wrong or right my MOHs are organizing it and then the rest of my bridesmaids/family members (MOB & MOG) are going to help in anyway they are needed and are able to. This seems atleast in my area the norm of it. And it seems to make everyone involved in my wedding happy.

Viczaesar

In Response to Re:MOB vs MOH:[QUOTE]Okay I am really confused...nbsp;I hear on here that it is wrong for the mother of the bride to host the bridal shower by some posters. Some of those same posters get all bent out of shape when brides complain about their MOH not wanting to do anything for the brides. They say that the only thing the MOH have to do is show up for the wedding. That they are not supposed to do anything else.So which is it? And before anyone gets all upset, I am more curious than anything. Whether its wrong or right my MOHs are organizing it and then the rest of my bridesmaids/family members MOB amp; MOG are going to help in anyway they are needed and are able to. This seems atleast in my area the norm of it. And it seems to make everyone involved in my wedding
happy. Posted by mysi019[/QUOTE]
Which is what? It's not an either/or thing. It's no one's job to host a shower. Not the MOH, not the bridesmaids, not the MOB. Showers are presents. In many, though not all, circles it's fine if the MOB/MOG want to host a shower. In some circles its not okay. I'm not seeing where your disconnect is.

mysi019

I am not saying its a job, no one is entitled to a shower. My Disconnect is that some say one way is right/one way is wrong and some ppl on here seem to waiver depending on whose post they are replying to.

I was trying to get a grasp on the whole thing. Apparenly all over this site there are posters who speak of all these "rules" for everything wedding.

And apparently the rules seem to differ, thats all

msuprincess04

The distinction is that no one has to throw the bridal shower. The MOH can just show up. But if its offered by anyone, you treat it as a gift and either accept or decline.

NOLAbridealmost

Ditto everyone else. 

You seem to be lumping two completely separate rules together.  The first rule is that you never host your own shower or ask someone else to host one for you.  If no one steps up to host a shower for the bride, she simply doesn't get one.  Expecting the MOH (or anyone including the MOB) to throw one is not okay.  Showers are a gift given to the bride by someone.  

The second rule is the rule that used to be ironclad: the MOB should NOT host a shower for the bride.  In the past, the MOB throwing the shower for the bride was just as bad as the bride hosting it for herself (see rule #1) because it was a way for the mom to seek out gifts for her daughter.  This rule has been largely abandoned in a lot of circles.  It has not been abandoned in mine and my mom would have felt very uncomfortable hosting a shower for me, but I do not judge or mind when other MOBs host showers for their daughters. 

jessicabessica

Anyone that offers a shower can host the shower.  It used to be that the MOB should not host, but that rule is going away in many circles.  My mom's best friend offered a shower, I accepted, she hosted.  It was lovely.

Jen4948

The two things are different.

Neither MOHs, bridesmaids, nor anyone else is required to throw the bride a shower, anywhere.  It is a nice thing for them to do, and in many cases it is so expected that it has become a custom, but there is no rule mandating it.  There is a rule that the bride should not expect it which is in effect everywhere.

As for who hosts it, yes, traditional rules of etiquette do hold that neither a bride nor her immediate relatives or in-laws to be should host the shower, because it isn't appropriate to solicit gifts either for oneself or a close relative, but many people do it anyway.

melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mob-vs-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:54f61a94-bcb8-4815-a40b-029e4d3a69e8Post:ded0d028-a0ac-4e4c-83ab-d42661824ce8">Re:MOB vs MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]And for the record, I have never seen anyone say that a MOH CAN'T throw a shower. We just say it is their choice and there is nothing wrong with them choosing not to.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This... I don't understand the confusion here, OP... You should never expect anyone to throw anything.  If they do, you can accept of decline.  Some people (me included in that), find it rude when MOB's throw the shower because it perceived as gift-grabby.</div><div>It seems that your MOH offered to throw you one, so she can. If it is okay in your circle for your MOB to help plan, then that's fine</div><div>
</div><div>Edited for content

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Peledreamsofrain

The only reason we shoot down the primadonnas who throw snit fits is because it is ungracious and nasty to complain about people not ELECTING to GIFT you with something.  Throwing someone a shower or party is something you VOLUNTEER for.  All of this is not mandatory.  That's the point we try to get across.  We try to talk some sense into the girls so they don't start tantruming at their good friends and look like entitled jerks.

And I personally think the rule about family not throwing the bridal shower is outdated.  Most brides are not living with their family anymore, or living on their money.  Also, most traditional 'so and so pays for such and such at the wedding' rules aren't followed either since anymore now modern couples pay for their own weddings.

arco13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mob-vs-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:54f61a94-bcb8-4815-a40b-029e4d3a69e8Post:95ecfe15-83a2-403b-8f96-ea6d4d55d49e">Re: MOB vs MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]The only reason we shoot down the primadonnas who throw snit fits is because it is ungracious and nasty to complain about people not ELECTING to GIFT you with something.  Throwing someone a shower or party is something you VOLUNTEER for.  All of this is not mandatory.  That's the point we try to get across.  We try to talk some sense into the girls so they don't start tantruming at their good friends and look like entitled jerks. <strong>And I personally think the rule about family not throwing the bridal shower is outdated.</strong>  Most brides are not living with their family anymore, or living on their money.  Also, most traditional 'so and so pays for such and such at the wedding' rules aren't followed either since anymore now modern couples pay for their own weddings.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>I agree with the bold, at least in our circle. Most of the showers I've been to have been thrown by the sister or cousin of the bride, typically with some help from the the mother. I have a feeling this is how mine will go, as my sister's planning it, but since she's 5 hours away at college will probably ask for some help from my step-sisters (who I'm not sure, but I think have already offered to help, I don't know or care either way, it's not my business and I'm staying out of planning!) Either way, in our circle it's not really frowned on for family members to throw/help with the showers.

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julibug86

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mob-vs-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:54f61a94-bcb8-4815-a40b-029e4d3a69e8Post:bb63c28b-f820-4203-a254-6ff4f8bd725e">Re: MOB vs MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOB vs MOH : I agree with the bold, at least in our circle. Most of the showers I've been to have been thrown by the sister or cousin of the bride, typically with some help from the the mother. I have a feeling this is how mine will go, as my sister's planning it, but since she's 5 hours away at college will probably ask for some help from my step-sisters (who I'm not sure, but I think have already offered to help, I don't know or care either way, <strong>it's not my business and I'm staying out of planning!)</strong> Either way, in our circle it's not really frowned on for family members to throw/help with the showers.
Posted by arco13[/QUOTE]

Haha, I love the bolded part because I feel the same way!  Agree with the PPs that the family rule is definitely becoming outdated, especially with brides who don't live with their families.  My sister is my MOH and she is throwing the shower.  She loves throwing parties and she is older and more financially secure than my other bridesmaids.  She's involving the other bridesmaids and my mom, but ultimately making her own decisions.  She wanted to do it and I'm just staying out of the way!  I'm excited to have a shower and am grateful for whatever I get!

Also, I threw her both her bridal shower (was her MOH!) and her baby shower.  I know we are family, but my siblings are also my best friends.  If anyone was offended by me throwing these showers, they never said anything about it!