HELP!!! Father/daughter & Mother/son dance dilemia!

kwicks

Here’s the deal: Traditionally, there is a father/daughter dance and a mother/son dance, but I think my mom wants to be involved in the dancing part as well. It’s a little complicated through. My parents are divorced, and not so gracefully. My mother was remarried about 7 years ago and my was-soon-to-be father in law just passed away last week. We are getting married this September, and was trying to figure out a way everyone could dance without making it awkward. I was originally thinking that it could be traditionally father/daughter and mother/son (Tom Petty Wildflowers) them everyone could switch partners. How do I gracefully include (if I should at all) my mother and step-father?  

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-fatherdaughter-motherson-dance-dilemia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:54fa532a-e219-4662-9b61-2b37e8dd2e54Post:60c85a94-e1b0-47e3-8aef-9b376cc0a87c">HELP!!! Father/daughter & Mother/son dance dilemia!</a>:
[QUOTE]Here’s the deal: Traditionally, there is a father/daughter dance and a mother/son dance, but I think my mom wants to be involved in the dancing part as well. It’s a little complicated through. My parents are divorced, and not so gracefully. My mother was remarried about 7 years ago and my was-soon-to-be father in law just passed away last week. We are getting married this September, and was trying to figure out a way everyone could dance without making it awkward. I was originally thinking that it could be traditionally father/daughter and mother/son (Tom Petty Wildflowers) them everyone could switch partners. How do I gracefully include (if I should at all) my mother and step-father?  
Posted by kwicks[/QUOTE]
Are you super close to your step father? How would your father feel about it? 
If it's something that would cause drama and you're not close to him I wouldn't include the step father. 

I did see at a wedding where the Bride did a special dance with her mother. It wasn't a spotlight dance exactly, it was just done in the lull during the dance party. 

kikirst33

I have a situation similar to yours and FI and I have decided to opt-out of all of the special dances.  We will do a very brief (less than 2 minute) dance for bride/groom and then invite everyone to join us on the dance floor to enjoy the party.

I will take the time to dance with my Dad and FFIL but we don't want to create family issues and have to have a ga-zillion dances where the rest of the guest just sit and watch.

kwicks

I know we could opt out, but my dad and I are really close and that song is special, so I would really hate to just bypass it. I thought that it could start with my dad and I, then have my fiance and his mom, then somehow have my mom join? Maybe just father/daughter and mother/son?

Kate61487

I'd stick with just f/d and m/s for the spotlight.  You could always have your DJ play a song like Carrie Underwood's momma song sometime during the night and dance with your mom to it, not as a spotlight dance but with others on the floor as well.

I don't think it's fair to cut a tradition your dad is looking forward to appease your mom.  The tradition is f/d and m/s, not bride/groom and all their parents.

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-fatherdaughter-motherson-dance-dilemia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:54fa532a-e219-4662-9b61-2b37e8dd2e54Post:fde4a84d-68eb-4033-a2ce-eb68ffd81aec">Re: HELP!!! Father/daughter & Mother/son dance dilemia!</a>:
[QUOTE]I know we could opt out, but my dad and I are really close and that song is special, so I would really hate to just bypass it. I thought that it could start with my dad and I, then have my fiance and his mom, then somehow have my mom join? Maybe just father/daughter and mother/son?
Posted by kwicks[/QUOTE]
Just do father daughter and mother son. 
<div>
</div><div>If you want later, do a song for your Mom but not a spotlight song. (Think dedication?)</div>

willywally5

I concur with Crash & Kate. Too many spotlight dances are not fun for the assembled masses. Do the F/D & M/S concurrently after you and FI have your first dance and leave it at that. Dedicating a song to mom later is a great idea!

Megbo2012

We aren't doing special dances, rather we will make sure then photographer gets pictures when I'm dancing with mom/dad etc. My parents are also divorced and FMIL does not like a lot of attention so this was the compromise. Good luck!

Demetersrose

We're skipping the special dances. My father's not actually invited to my wedding due to him being a horrible human being, and mum was concerned (rightly) that watching a mother/son dance would upset me. 

We're choosing instead to do dedicated songs. So the band will announce a special song that FI requested in honor of his mother and they'll dance, but everyone else can dance, too. Same with me and my mum. Not all slow songs, either. The song I'm dedicating to my mum is a jitterbug so it keeps the energy up!

anniversaryontheway

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-fatherdaughter-motherson-dance-dilemia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:54fa532a-e219-4662-9b61-2b37e8dd2e54Post:60c85a94-e1b0-47e3-8aef-9b376cc0a87c">HELP!!! Father/daughter & Mother/son dance dilemia!</a>:
[QUOTE]Here’s the deal: Traditionally, there is a father/daughter dance and a mother/son dance, but I think my mom wants to be involved in the dancing part as well. It’s a little complicated through. My parents are divorced, and not so gracefully. My mother was remarried about 7 years ago and my was-soon-to-be father in law just passed away last week. We are getting married this September, and was trying to figure out a way everyone could dance without making it awkward. I was originally thinking that it could be traditionally father/daughter and mother/son (Tom Petty Wildflowers) them everyone could switch partners. How do I gracefully include (if I should at all) my mother and step-father?  
Posted by kwicks[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I don't know if this is for everyone, but 1/2-way through the reception, I played a song for all Mothers and Daughters. We included aunts/Godmothers, etc., and it was "Wilder Than Her" by Dar Williams. My mom & I have had some ups and downs and the song was about one person in the relationship helping the other to feel calm. </div><div>
</div><div>here is 1 verse: </div><div><span style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;white-space:pre;color:#000000;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;white-space:pre;color:#000000;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span">And I'm wilder than her, and it drives her out of her mind </span></div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:Times;line-height:normal;font-size:medium;" class="Apple-style-span"><pre>I guess she thought that she was just one of a kind But she's a summer storm, and I'm a hurricane One just blows through town, one blows the town away And I'm wilder than her</pre><pre>
</pre><pre>Dar's version of this Fred Eaglesmith song is a little girl/girl but it works for best friends and moms/daughters.</pre><pre>My mom & I enjoyed sharing the dance floor with multiple generations of mothers & daughters, and the pictures were fun. </pre><pre>My mom also got a moment that reflects the most fun part of our relationship. </pre><pre>HTH. </pre></span>