Wedding Etiquette Forum

Before you knew about wedding etiquette

When you were growing up, or even just before you knew "these things", did you ever commit any wedding-etiquette offenses?

Growing up, I definitely remember committing some faux pas. I'm one of those people that gets embarrassed about things I did or said when I was, like, eight years old - so remembering these things definitely makes me cringe. Here are mine:

- This wasn't something I did, but something my parents did - my cousin's wedding was adults-only, not for budget reasons (my uncle owns a company and has been very generous to his extended family over the years - he even helped pay for my college education and it was really awesome of him) but for "aesthetic" purposes. I was two at the time she was getting married, and my parents received calls from other family members with small children who wanted to vent about how rude it was that they were excluding children and that they were going to bring their kids anyway. So my parents joined the revolt and brought my along, and four other small children showed up. We were not received well but we were allowed to stay.

- When I was a freshman in college, one of my cousins got married and very generously gave me a plus one. I was not in relationship so, naturally, I brought my best lady-friend. Pretty inconsiderate of me. And my family thought I was coming out of the closet.

- Another cousin got married four-five years ago. I RSVP'd no because I had exams the upcoming week, but I ended up going to a funeral that weekend not far from where the wedding was being held. My parents pleaded with me to come despite having declined, and not thinking much of it, I did. I sat on my dad's lap and when everyone at the table insisted I take a portion of their food, I declined but they gave me food anyway. I felt TERRIBLE. I didn't drink anything (or eat anything else) all night because I was a total wedding crasher. Years later, when my parents urged me to come to their friends' daughter's wedding without an invite, I declined and went out of town that weekend.

- And this one is more of a "taking candy from a baby" situation rather than an etiquette breach: two years ago, FI and I attended a wedding of some good friends of ours. They had a lot of children at their wedding (about half of the guests) and during the bouquet toss, I was acting all excited for the bride's sake and got a bunch of kids out on the floor to try to catch the bouquet. It was all fun and games until I got TOO into it and reached down RIGHT IN FRONT OF A GIRL'S FACE to catch the bouquet. It was inches from her hands and I snatched it from her. I blushed and handed it back and the bride chased after me, cracking up.

Your turn.
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Re: Before you knew about wedding etiquette

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_before-you-knew-about-wedding-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:550afa35-0de9-4165-b7b3-42340984b27cPost:de13ee44-d0d9-4344-a0fe-335a7b6a9d1a">Before you knew about wedding etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE] I was not in relationship so, naturally, I brought my best lady-friend. Pretty inconsiderate of me. 
    Posted by zoberg[/QUOTE]
    <div>I don't think that was being inconsiderate. I hate when people get hung up on WHO the person's +1 is. I had several guests who brought a same-sex platonic friend with them. Didn't bother me at all. </div><div>
    </div><div>I don't really have any, I don't think, unless you count the time I was the cake cutter for a college roommate's wedding. I didn't know how to say no to it, and even though I thought it was kind of odd, I didn't really realize it was such an etiquette breach that she had asked me until years later. </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited March 2013
    My BF's bestfriend got engaged right before the holidays, the day of a party the couple was hosting. I was the only female who was not distinclty her friend. She and I wouldn't be friends if our guys weren't  nothing in common, different personalities, she's nice enough, but we would butt heads way to much if we were together mor. All of her friends were all asking about the wedding, the date, the dress, the reception, etc. I kept cool, trying to not say much. The girl got engaged THAT DAY FFS.
    So we had some beers,  and she was talking about how she wants a June wedding, and she seemed PO'd when I mentioned Junes tend to fill up quick (oops! My B!).

     And then she drank more, and I had 1-2 more, and she was talking about the reception etc. and the food she wanted and stuff, and I said "and open bar! right?! " *thumbs up winky face* and she was like "uhhh well only for the Bride and Groom!" Ooopsies.

    I would have apologized, but I haven't seen her since then. As a way to try and sweep it under the rug I liked her FB posts regarding her going to a Bridal expo and voted for her in a DB contest she was flooding her page with.

    ETA: I actually posted about it here in December and Addie gave me some nice advice. :)
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  • When I was 3 I was a flowergirl.  The bride told me to put the rose petals down in a row.  So I put them down one at a time in a straight line.  Took so long she marched down the aisle and shoved me in the pew.

    Not too many other things - I am definitely one of those people who brings gifts to the wedding itself instead of shipping them early.  I'm working on that, I just hate to pay for shipping and gift wrap when they do it for free at the store.


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_before-you-knew-about-wedding-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:550afa35-0de9-4165-b7b3-42340984b27cPost:368e2648-f00a-46b8-9824-cccfd09ad635">Re: Before you knew about wedding etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Before you knew about wedding etiquette : I don't think that was being inconsiderate. I hate when people get hung up on WHO the person's +1 is. I had several guests who brought a same-sex platonic friend with them. Didn't bother me at all.
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yeah, I know it's not that big of a deal, but I feel guilty because she gave me a +1 in hopes of me bringing a new boyfriend for the family to meet. And then I brought a chick.</div>
  • I think there are worse things in the world, but I was a BM last year and I guess I just somehow never knew that the final touches of the bride getting ready (zipping the dress, putting on her shoes, etc.) are sort of reserved for the family. I didn't realize this until the NEXT wedding I was in a few weeks later (four weddings in five weeks, FI and I were in three of them). I was just trying to be helpful, but now I realize I'm all up in the first bride's pictures of these little moments and it looks like her Mom and sister are being pushed out! EEEK! I mean I was a BM so obviously we're good friends, but I still feel really badly now!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_before-you-knew-about-wedding-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:550afa35-0de9-4165-b7b3-42340984b27cPost:de6641b6-9d06-4def-8b48-67453ad2315a">Re: Before you knew about wedding etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]: I actually posted about it here in December and Addie gave me some nice advice. :)
    Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]

    <div>As I was reading, I thought this sounded familiar! </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I swear most (not all) latinos don't know wedding etiquette.  Now that we are preparing for our wedding and I am on this site A LOT I am worried about all of it.

    My parents received a wedding invitation and didn't send the RSVP because I was in the wedding party so they figured they have to know we are coming.  This happened two times.

    I never received an invitation to my brother's wedding, don't even know if they sent it to my parents house even though I moved out at 18.  I still went and I went with my now FI.  I felt horrible after because I didn't know, I felt like I was crashing their wedding.





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  • I think it is fine to bring anyone you want as a +1. I gave all of my single guests a +1 and know for sure some of them are bringing family members or same-sex friends. As long as they don't bring a child, I'm fine.

    I've been to at least 3 bachelorette parties where I wasn't invited to the wedding. In each case the party organizer told the attendees to bring whomever they want along. I didn't know the bride enough to feel hurt about not going to the wedding so it was just like a fun night with a group of friends.
  • When I was 8 or 9, my mom's best friend got married, and the bride asked me to be a junior bridesmaid.  I was super excited.  At the rehearsal, the coordinator kept calling me a flower girl.  I told the coordinator several times I was a junior bridesmaid, but she didn't get it.  I ended up screaming at her, and then ran out of the church bawling.  The bride chased me out and sat down with me for like 20 minutes telling me how dumb her coordinator was.  I'm still embarrassed about that.
    I french with my man
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_before-you-knew-about-wedding-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:550afa35-0de9-4165-b7b3-42340984b27cPost:c7514a21-af9b-4d77-84ea-d5b2b50d5b07">Re: Before you knew about wedding etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Before you knew about wedding etiquette : The fact that you had a plus one shows that she absolutely didn't think you'd be bringing a boyfriend.  Otherwise, said boyfriend would ahve been invited by name.  A plus one is LITERALLY allowing someone who does not have a romantic attachment to bring a guest along.  
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yeah, that makes sense. Like I said, I get embarrassed easily and with my family assuming I was into girls after that, I felt like I committed a wedding crime. But my cousin, the bride, was one of the best brides/hostesses I've ever come across - completely open bar right next to the dance floor, reception immediately followed the ceremony (same venue), and what really impressed me: a drunk guest tripped and spilled red wine down the front of her dress and... ellipsis... she LAUGHED and kept dancing.</div>
  • I was invited to a wedding in June of 2011 and had been dating my BF for around 3 months. I got the invitation and it was only addressed to me and no guest, plus one and BF's name was not on it. Not even thinking about it, I brought my BF with me thinking it'd be "okay" since she knew of our relationship. I think the bride was pissed I brought my BF even though etiquette states anyone in a relationship should be invited as well. Thinking back on it, I needed to have asked her first...even if she was in the wrong.
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  • arrippaarrippa member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2013
    I remember going to a wedding with $2.00 drinks and that this was the best idea ever. I had no idea that cash bars were bad until much later in life.

    edit-why do my posts keep centering?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_before-you-knew-about-wedding-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:550afa35-0de9-4165-b7b3-42340984b27cPost:ce52c5bc-8037-4c9c-8c70-ef537d77a5f4">Re: Before you knew about wedding etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]I came very overdressed to my friend's wedding. I was too clueless to take a cue from the time of the reception (2-5). All the guests came in their Sunday best and I came in a body-hugging silk cocktail dress with sky-high sparkly heels. Once I saw everyone else I wanted to die. too bad the hotel was over 45 minutes away.
    Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This happened to me once too, but the opposite. My family went to our cousin's second wedding several years ago. My parents said that the wedding invitation said "casual" (and the invitation said to call them to RSVP, rather than mail) and the wedding was being held at their house. My dad wore jeans, a polo and a blazer, my brother wore jeans and a sweatshirt (gulp), my mom wore slacks and a sweater coat, and I wore a jersey dress. We arrived COMPLETELY underdressed - everyone else was in cocktail attire.

    </div>
  • I got an invitation to a wedding that said, "Your present is present enough, but if we are honored with a gift, a cash donation to our honeymoon would be greatly appreciated."  Eeeek.  She also used her married name and Monogram on the invitations.

    Furthermore, at the wedding they were hosting beer.  Cool.  Problem is, no one knew this and there were bottles of alcohol in the background that had been brought in (it wasn't the facilities bar).  We ordered a couple rum & cokes, some wine and a couple other things and then bartender said, "That'll be $30" uh...whaaaaa???? I had to run out to the car and get my wallet.  So mortified.  I was cool with just beer being hosted, I was okay with allowing guests to purchase a different option, but give me a sign telling me Beer is hosted first!!!!  Also, they brought in their own alcohol and mixed drinks were $5 each and it was well alcohol...making a profit on the bar, niiiice.  Then the money danced happened. 

    We also DJ'd a wedding for another friend for free (because they asked....we didn't offer, but didn't want to be rude and decline)  the sent us an invitation with registry information in it.  We just got them a card.  She then gave us a gift card with a $10 starbucks card in it.  Um thanks.....????

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  • edited March 2013
    I think NH/ME/VT "does not etiquette make" in general because a ton of things  that people on the board frown upon are really common for weddings I've been to.

    I grew up going to a lot of Jack and Jills and being given a lot of dollars to participate in dollar dances. I hadnt seen these for several years until December when a couple did a dollar dance and a "We need a good sport to take out bill larger than a 20 and pass it around the table and then whenever the music stops that guy will realize he unwilling donated that money to the couple".... all of those things make me cringe now in general. FI wanted to do dollar dances and I showed him your posts about them and he stopped questioning my negativity about them.

    With the exception of 1 local wedding and 1 in PA, all weddings that I've been to in my life (which is a ton) have been cash bar .I'm not negative about them personally. Most people I know expect that when they go to a wedding (I've polled them all recently after reading this boards comments) If there is a cocktail hour or drink tickets, it's an exciting bonus. So for my first wedding, I had open beer, wine, and soft drinks throughout. People paid for any drinks they wanted that were different at the bar in the restaurant.  I'm not sure if that was rude or not, the people left the reception room with my supplied alcohol to get them.
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    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • When FI and I were dating, we arrived five minutes late to a wedding. I was mortified and believe there is no excuse for lateness, but we did have to stop at one point for a rooster to cross the road. Anyway, as we were parking, the FOB started screaming at us as we ran to sit down. It was an outdoor wedding in June, and rain was threatening. The only seats left for us were in the first row, next to the BMs. In the receiving line after he apologized and said it was fine, but I am still embarrassed whenever I see these people. That was the day I learned I need to take charge of us getting places on time...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_before-you-knew-about-wedding-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:550afa35-0de9-4165-b7b3-42340984b27cPost:20211d2b-1f95-48dc-93a4-bc6254f78a23">Re:Before you knew about wedding etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]When FI and I were dating, we arrived five minutes late to a wedding. I was mortified and believe there is no excuse for lateness, but we did have to stop at one point for a rooster to cross the road. Anyway, as we were parking, the FOB started screaming at us as we ran to sit down. It was an outdoor wedding in June, and rain was threatening. <strong>The only seats left for us were in the first row</strong>, next to the BMs. In the receiving line after he apologized and said it was fine, but I am still embarrassed whenever I see these people. That was the day I learned I need to take charge of us getting places on time...
    Posted by Xstatic3333[/QUOTE]

    Maybe it's just me, but at that point, I would have just stood in the back lol. We were ALWAYS late to church growing up and the 9 O'clock mass was SUPER packed so I always stood up for the entire mass, or kneeled on the floor when necessary. Luckily, my church was casual and there were jeans all around.
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  • Good point, I think we just panicked. It was an outdoor wedding, so a little tougher to hide. The funny thing is that some people who were even later than us did stand in back, and didn't get yelled at. Man, I shudder to remember that day...
  • I have a few.  I got shower TY notes out within a few weeks, but didn't mail out the wedding TYs until our two month anniversary.  I still feel bad for not doing them sooner.

    When we got engaged, H's parents asked about us having an engagement party.  I literally do not know anyone who has had an EP, and the thought of having one in my circle made me feel uncomfortable and AWish.  H's parents insisted that we would be having one, if they had to host it themselves.  We agreed to it as long as it was casual, like a BBQ.  Their house is not suited to hosting more than a handful of people, and they refused when we suggested renting a park pavilion.  We ended up having it at our house (that then-FI and I lived in with our friend/Best Man).  H's parents paid for everything, but pretty much put the invitations in my hands.  I figured I'd just do word-of-mouth or a Facebook event, but MIL insisted on physical invitations "because everyone will want them as a keepsake".  I printed invitations on VP, and included the dreaded "your presence is gift enough" line, because I didn't know any better at the time.
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  • tlc35tlc35 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I am guilty of bringing boxes gifts to the wedding. I didn't know you were supposed to ship them ahead of time. And I am cracking up at the vision of a little kid placing flower petals in a neat row. So cute.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_before-you-knew-about-wedding-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:550afa35-0de9-4165-b7b3-42340984b27cPost:0c13e699-0d4b-4ebe-a009-1d655b481f74">Re:Before you knew about wedding etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am guilty of bringing boxes gifts to the wedding. I didn't know you were supposed to ship them ahead of time. And I am cracking up at the vision of a little kid placing flower petals in a neat row. So cute.
    Posted by tlc35[/QUOTE]

    ...Is bringing boxed gifts really against etiquette? If so, I'm again learning something new! I have definitely not heard anything like that before, however.

  • Maybe it's just me, but at that point, I would have just stood in the back lol

    That's what I was thinking, but I've also been in those situations where you just make the split decision to commit to an act and then realize your other options later.  haha I just think it was good that you apologized. I went to a wedding in Dec where there were only about 1/3 of the seats necessary for guests and a group of latecomers came and took the whole reserved front row...the whole thing...and didn't want to move when asked
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • tlc35tlc35 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I don't know. I have just read on here that shipping gifts to the house is the proper thing to do. Now I can see that it will be a PITA to gather a bunch of boxes at the end of the night and transport them home.
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  • We bring our gift unless it is a DW.  I don't know why that matters to me, but it does! 

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  • When I was 12 years old, my mother got married. First of all, she put me in this awful white dress...almost like a flower girl. It was horrible. Not just that, but this is when I found out how emotional weddings make me. I cried all the way down the aisle, for no real reason. At the reception, my mom, step dad, two brothers and I all had a big dance together. I cried the entire time during the dance, and I dont even remember why. In the pics of us all dancing, my face is bright red and my eyes are watery. You could obviously tell I was crying. I remember going into the bathroom and crying some more. I cried like a baby when my cousin (who is now my MOH) got married & I was like 16 years old!! Needless to say, I am fully expecting a river of tears flowing from my eyes at my wedding. Its uncontrolable and embarassing.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_before-you-knew-about-wedding-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:550afa35-0de9-4165-b7b3-42340984b27cPost:f6c98a41-99ef-4de5-86d4-678de9969020">Re:Before you knew about wedding etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Before you knew about wedding etiquette : ...Is bringing boxed gifts really against etiquette? If so, I'm again learning something new! I have definitely not heard anything like that before, however.
    Posted by lisabeats[/QUOTE]

    <div>I have always brought a gift and there have been gifts at every wedding I've gone to. We didn't get a single gift sent to our house; every gift was brought to the wedding. </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_before-you-knew-about-wedding-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:550afa35-0de9-4165-b7b3-42340984b27cPost:f6c98a41-99ef-4de5-86d4-678de9969020">Re:Before you knew about wedding etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Before you knew about wedding etiquette : ...Is bringing boxed gifts really against etiquette? If so, I'm again learning something new! I have definitely not heard anything like that before, however.
    Posted by lisabeats[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yeah you're really supposed to ship them ahead of time so that the bride and groom don't have to figure out how to haul everything back, particularly if they are going to another hotel or something for their wedding night.  That said, in my circle people like to see a full gift table, and I have a strict budget for gifts.  If I have to pay for shipping and gift wrap that comes out of the "amount" the couple receives in terms of value of the physical item.  I usually get something physically small (like flatware) so they don't have a huge box to haul, but I figure they'd rather have that money in their pocket (in terms of value) than the company's pocket.  That said, I'm getting good about shopping in free ship days, so when I can send it early and not pay for shipping I do.</div>
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  • I'm going right to our honeymoon instantly after our reception. Any boxed gifts will probably just go to my mom's house until we get back. I don't think it's a big deal or rude. They'll just be waiting to be opened for a week.
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • vanityinkvanityink member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2013
    Yeah, have brought a boxed gift to a wedding before (they didn't even have a gift table ready since we were a little early, that sent people scrambling...)

    That, and FI and I threw our own engagement party (*blush*). People were asking when we were going to, so we just had all our friends come out. Nobody seemed too side-eye-y at least...
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  • winelover123winelover123 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_before-you-knew-about-wedding-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:550afa35-0de9-4165-b7b3-42340984b27cPost:6c2f1a5b-7c82-48f2-865e-ef401ad80e2a">Re: Before you knew about wedding etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]We got some engagement gifts, and in the TY cards I wrote that we would save it for wedding expenses. Cringe. At least we sent TYs in a timely manner?
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    Is it really rude to say in TY cards for an Eparty that you're using a person's cash gift for the wedding? I had a few people give cash and told me to use it for the wedding......so I opened an account specifically for the wedding, deposited the checks/cash and in the TY note said we'd be using it for the wedding......
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