Invite stepmom with guest?

daniandron

I'm addressing my save-the dates (destination wedding) and have a question about how to invite my stepmom, who has been in my life since I was 4. She and I haven't always been close, however in the past 3-4 years that has changed significantly. She even went with me to my first dress shopping appointment. My relationship with my father (from whom she separated ~3 months ago) is extremely strained and we're lucky if we speak more than 3 times per year.


However, my stepmom has been living with her new boyfriend since the separation. Since she and my father aren't legally separated and no one else in my dad's family knows about this separation, does she still get invited with her new boyfriend? What exactly is the "social unit" here? Can I just send a save-the-date addressed to her at her boyfriend's home, and worry about the "and guest" later? I don't anticipate that her BF would travel 2000 miles to attend my wedding anyway, so should I just send it to both as a courtesy? Because of my relationship with my dad, I'm not necessarily worried about hurting his feelings but I don't want to make anyone else in the family uncomfortable.

Birdie1483

I would the boyfriend. The definition of a "social unit" here is tricky since she's technically married, but living with someone else. However, I don't think that matters really. The only person you should really worry about upsetting is your father and since you already said you're not worried about that, then I would invite your stepmom's boyfriend because that will probably make her happy. Then it'll be up to them on if he comes or not.

Thats my opinion at least.

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-stepmom-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:550eae9a-47ff-4fb4-9a55-2521c8017db6Post:e16aa1d5-bf9f-44cf-b8a6-dc85934730af">Invite stepmom with guest?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm addressing my save-the dates (destination wedding) and have a question about how to invite my stepmom, who has been in my life since I was 4. She and I haven't always been close, however in the past 3-4 years that has changed significantly. She even went with me to my first dress shopping appointment. My relationship with my father (from whom she separated ~3 months ago) is extremely strained and we're lucky if we speak more than 3 times per year. However, my stepmom has been living with her new boyfriend since the separation. Since she and my father aren't legally separated and <strong>no one else in my dad's family knows about this separation</strong>, does she still get invited with her new boyfriend? What exactly is the "social unit" here? Can I just send a save-the-date addressed to her at her boyfriend's home, and worry about the "and guest" later? I don't anticipate that her BF would travel 2000 miles to attend my wedding anyway, so should I just send it to both as a courtesy? Because of my relationship with my dad, I'm not necessarily worried about hurting his feelings but I don't want to make anyone else in the family uncomfortable.
Posted by daniandron[/QUOTE]

I'm gonna venture to guess they'll figure it out when the two of them don't sit together or dance together, etc.  I'd invite him; or at least talk to your step-mom and see how she feels about it.

daniandron

Thanks ladies. I'll talk to my stepmom first to make sure she's comfortable, but it seems like it would be best to invite the BF.

Simply Fated

I usually leave the definition of a social unit to the people involved in said unit. I think it's a good idea to call your stepmom and see what she wants to do.

Simply Fated

I usually leave the definition of a social unit to the people involved in said unit. I think it's a good idea to call your stepmom and see what she wants to do.

PinkRoseAcct

You're wedding is 9 months away?  Maybe you could give her the save the date in person, and then when it's time to send the invites, determine then how to send out the invites, as far as who it is addressed to?  By the time that the invite mailing date comes around, then I would think that the extended family would all know about the breakup.  I know hand delivering isn't 100% E, but since it's a stepparent, and she went dress shopping with you, I would think it would be ok.

[Deleted User]

Just send the save the date to your aunt. Things may change, especially since she's only been in this relationship three months. I'd just give her a plus one instead of inviting the boyfriend directly.

Elinetrouwt

So much can change in nine months. I'm sure that nine months from now, many more people will know about the situation.