Guest Book Frustraion

wawbrey

This is not so much a question as a rant. I didn't want to complain to a friend because it involves a mutual friend.

Our wedding happened, and everything was perfect! We had a blast on our honeymoon. We returned to quite the surprise. We had about 180 guests and about 90 messages in our guest book. The guest book had individual cards inside that folded trifold to keep messages private. I was so excited to read our well wishes! When I got to the middle, I found it. Of the 90 messages about 30 are incredibly disgusting and inappropriate drawings. We're talking sex acts, genitalia, everything. I was really thrown off. My husband was also very upset. Obviously not all the trifolds closed properly, and my grandmother and his great aunt both saw some of these things. I asked my best friend if she noticed anyone lingering around the guest book table, and she said she did notice a close, mutual friend's fiancé spending time there and returning to write several messages. I asked my three other girls if they noticed anything, and they mentioned the same guy. H's 2 groomsmen also mentioned this guy without being asked. He's not really a fan favorite among our friends, and I have no intention of bringing it up. I don't want to put my dear friend in a weird situation. He is abrasive and arrogant, but I would have NEVER expected that. He is 26 after all. H and I haven't told anyone else our suspicions. I just don't even know... It's so disappointing. He kept complaining loudly all night about how bored he was and the football games he was missing. I feel safe we provided enough entertainment because everyone has told us how fun it was. And there was a tv in the bar with our alma mater's game on. Arrrggh. Frustrating. And we received a gift with no card, gift tag, or even gift receipt to go off. :-(

AMYM312

I'm sorry that happened to you. I can't even believe someone would do something like that. on top of it, to sit around and complain that you are bored? So leave! Ahh some people just have no class.

kmmssg

 I would say something.  If your guy did something like that at your friends wedding and offended dear relatives, wouldn't you want to know?  It is pretty clear who did it by the amount of time he was there and you were told he returned to the book to write several messages.  Do you have several messages from him?  This is something I don't think needs to be ignored and I would refuse to ever invite him to anything.

Some things need to be tastefully ignored and some things needs to be called out.  This is one of them.

lcatterton

What a child. I wonder what this guy thought he was accomplishing by defacing your guest book like that. Was he just trying to get attention? Does he hate you guys and wanted to ruin your book? What a douche. Sorry, but honestly I'd tell my friend that she needs to think twice about marrying this jerk. I mean, I might lose this person as a friend, but I don't know that I could handle being around this guy without going off on him.

OliveOilsMom

Ditto kmmssg.

What a jerk!  I would very much be talking to his FI about this.  If she even remotely tries to stick up for him, I probably wouldn't keep her as a friend anymore.  Anyone who sticks up for a classless douchecanoe like that doesn't deserve my friendship.

[Deleted User]

I agree w/pp that you need to talk to friend. Sit her down, show her the guest book and when she reacts tell her, I don't have any real proof but several members of my wedding party did tell me that they saw him go up to the guest book several times and stay up there for an extended period.

She needs to know this about him because if he thinks it's ok to do this to your guest book, what kind of other inapproriate behavior does he think is ok..  If you lose her as a friend, that would be sad, but at least you made her aware. You don't want to be 5 years or so down the road & she's going through a messy divorce and maybe with kids because of inapproriate things he did and saying to yourself, if I had only told her about the guest book, maybe this could have prevented. If she marries anyways, at least she is going in with all the information & it's her then.

maggieandrey

We went to a wedding recently where the last song was "Come on Eileen" (that was also the bride's name.) One of the drunken guests made a pretty distasteful joke - accompanied by an equally inappropriate gesture - about Eileen and the song choice, and although I and most of the guests missed it, she didn't - nor did her father or brother. She confronted him later when they were both sober and he apologized. Does it make it right? No. But if you're going to be around people socially going forward you have to give them the opportunity to make amends.

I would definitely call out this guy. This is unacceptable behavior, and I feel like if you don't say something it's like you're implicitly saying it's OK. I know it will probably be an awkward conversation, but it's worth it to get it off your chest, and give him the opportunity to either apologize or prove what a douche he is.

wawbrey

First, thanks for making me feel sane! I didn't want to think I was overreacting (who does?), but I was really upset. I removed the cards to leave a large gap in the middle of our guest book. I have toyed with the idea of saying something. I don't know when I'll see him again, and I don't have a number for him, only his FI. I prefer not to bring something like that up over Facebook. Regardless, his cards will be returned to him if I do bring it up.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I would just throw those out and file away this information in case it becomes relevent in the future. What is your friend going to do? You say, "Well, Kevin made really inapproriate comments and drawings in our guestbook. He left us pictures of genitalia." And she... what? Breaks up with him? No. She feels embarassed. She apologizes to you on his behalf. She now feels awkward everytime you guys are in the same room together. That's about all you'll accomplish.

If in the future other instances happen and she wants to seriously discuss the future of their relationship with you, I'd mention it then and only then.

hoffse

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-book-frustraion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:55635c42-6785-4d38-a23e-0d05bdb9520dPost:76707285-07d1-4c03-a33e-471274035ae7">Re: Guest Book Frustraion</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just throw those out and file away this information in case it becomes relevent in the future. What is your friend going to do? You say, "Well, Kevin made really inapproriate comments and drawings in our guestbook. He left us pictures of genitalia." And she... what? Breaks up with him? No. She feels embarassed. She apologizes to you on his behalf. She now feels awkward everytime you guys are in the same room together. That's about all you'll accomplish. If in the future other instances happen and she wants to seriously discuss the future of their relationship with you, I'd mention it then and only then.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>This would probably be my approach as well, but I'm naturally non-confrontational.  I think it sucks that he did that, but I'm not sure what you will accomplish bringing it up out of the blue with her.</div>

LiLe422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-book-frustraion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:55635c42-6785-4d38-a23e-0d05bdb9520dPost:eb98dd6c-a3bf-4388-a03a-50593ee1293e">Re:Guest Book Frustraion</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Guest Book Frustraion: <strong>I'd mail them to him</strong>, but I'm a witch like that.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

YES!  For real though, that is disgusting that someone would do that.  What a immature asshole. 

Mery is right.  I would not bring it up to your friend.  Awwwkward.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-book-frustraion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:55635c42-6785-4d38-a23e-0d05bdb9520dPost:76707285-07d1-4c03-a33e-471274035ae7">Re: Guest Book Frustraion</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I would just throw those out and file away this information in case it becomes relevent in the future. What is your friend going to do? You say, "Well, Kevin made really inapproriate comments and drawings in our guestbook. He left us pictures of genitalia." And she... what? Breaks up with him? No. She feels embarassed. She apologizes to you on his behalf. She now feels awkward everytime you guys are in the same room together. That's about all you'll accomplish</strong>. If in the future other instances happen and she wants to seriously discuss the future of their relationship with you, I'd mention it then and only then.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]


I agree with the bolded part. It's stupid and childish, but what exactly is the end goal here? You air out your grievances and then what? This isn't really enough for her to break up with her FI over. Maybe he was drunk and would be truly appologetic, but OP made it sound like he's typically on bad behavoir. If that's how he is sober I doubt he'd actually feel bad. so you're stuck with a friend who then knows you and her FI don't get along.

Instead of making it a big deal with her I would mention to her that there were some lewd drawings in the book without names on them and that you were hurt and upset that someone would do that to you and then drop the issue. If her FI spent that much time around the book she would have noticed and would suspect him naturally. Just don't put her on the spot like that and force her to either defend him or to fight with him over you.

Or you could just let it go. After all, it's not like they can be taken back.