Wedding Etiquette Forum

ok, so I get it that you're not supposed to host your own e-party...but...

1) Why? What's the logic behind it? People are allowed to host their own weddings! Is it so that it doesn't look like a "gift grab?" What about if the couple truly just wanted to celebrate with people close to them, and said explicitly "no gifts, please."

2) In my case, I live with 3 other girls, and they want to host us an e-party. It will be at our house, and since they all work the day of the party (it will be in the evening,) and I don't work that day, I've offered to help with any last minute needs like shopping/prepping/tidying, etc. Cuz, I'm not going to be like, "Oh, I can't help at all b/c etiquette says I'm not supposed to host my own party." Right?

3) Following this line of logic, at what point does "helping" become "hosting your own party?" Wouldn't the only thing that guests actually see be *from whom* does the invite come that would clue them in on who is hosting the party? What if, theoretically, a couple did all of the work, but, say, the groom's mother sent the actual invitation? What if it was even at the groom's house but the mother sent the invitation? Would that be ok?
Anniversary

Re: ok, so I get it that you're not supposed to host your own e-party...but...

  • 1.  Your wedding isn't a party for you - it's a party for your guests; which is why it's okay for you to host.  And you should never mention gifts on an invitation.  Even if you are asking "no gifts please"; the fact that you mention it at all implies you are expecting them.

    2.  Their is a difference between hosting & helping.  Even though it is at your home, and you might help with details you're not hosting, your 3 friends are.

    3.  Hosting has more to do with whose paying, than the location.  You cannot throw a party in your own honor...etiquette-wise it's tacky.

     

  • Your wedding is a wedding ceremony followed be a reception which you host to thank your guests for sharing the ceremony with you. It's fine to host something for other people.

    An e-party (or shower or b-party) is an event held to honor you and your FI. It's not ok to plan a party to honor yourself. Make sense?

    As far as the hosting, I think it's ok for you to help out with the prep because you do live there, and it would be kind of weird to sit around refusing to do anything just because of etiquette. That makes you a nice, helpful person, not a hostess. Your example of doing something at the groom's house is different to me because it's just his house. In your case, you happen to share a house with 3 other people - that doesn't make it look like you're hosting if it's at the house of the 3 hostesses where you also happen to live.
  • 1.  What you are asking about is a pre-wedding party - it can be an open house or a bbq and anyone can be invited.  Anyone except the bride and groom can host.  It's just rude to for you to host a party to celebrate yourself.  Sure, you can help with the get-ready stuff.  But you're not going to HOST the party.

    2.  An engagement party is a FAMILY party, hosted by PARENTS.  The first engagement party is hosted by the bride's parents, to invite all the bride's extended family to meet the groom-to-be and welcome him to the bride's family.  The other engagement party is hosted by the groonm's parents to invite all the groom's extended family to meet the bride-to-be and welcome her to the groom's family.
  • Why on EARTH would saying "no gifts" imply that people are supposed to bring gifts?! 
    That is absolutely ridiculous!
    I would never DREAM of bringing a gift to an event that said "no gifts!" If I were going to an e-party and they didn't even mention gifts, then I would agonize over whether I should bring a gift or not!
    How else are you supposed to communicate that you truly just want a party to celebrate, without gifts?!
    I thought it was the othe way around--parties where gifts aren't mentioned means that they are EXPECTED! (weddings, birthday parties, etc...)
    Anniversary
  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited April 2011
    If someone didn't mention gifts on the engagement party invitation you would "agonize" over whether or not to bring them one? Really?
    Lizzie
  • yeah, I would. Since I've never been married, I've never been in the position of noticing whether people do or don't bring gifts. And now that I think about it, I can only actually remember going to 2 such parties as an adult; for one I was the MOH so I provided a lot of the food and I don't think I even gave a card and certainly didn't worry about a gift, and for another, it was several years ago, so I don't remember if I gave a card or gift.
    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-supposed-host-own-e-partybut?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5607e58d-47e8-4671-906f-74495729cf92Post:6163b914-5056-4f07-aa12-af89734b3251">Re: ok, so I get it that you're not supposed to host your own e-party...but...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why on EARTH would saying "no gifts" imply that people are supposed to bring gifts?!  That is absolutely ridiculous! I would never DREAM of bringing a gift to an event that said "no gifts!" If I were going to an e-party and they didn't even mention gifts, then I would agonize over whether I should bring a gift or not! How else are you supposed to communicate that you truly just want a party to celebrate, without gifts?! I thought it was the othe way around--parties where gifts aren't mentioned means that they are EXPECTED! (weddings, birthday parties, etc...)
    Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

    <div>Really?  Saying "No Gifts" implies that if you had not said it, you would be expecting gifts.  </div>
  • argh! There is another thread right below this one, where someone else is asking questions about whether she should bring a gift to a an engagement party. Clearly, it is NOT obvious about whether you should or shouldn't. 

    What is someone supposed to do if they are having an engagement party, but really and truly DO NOT WANT GIFTS? Expect people to read their mind?!!?!

    Wouldn't it be so much simpler if people could just SAY what they wanted, and not have people read into it?

    (also, so you are telling me that the person who is technically throwing the party-not the bride and groom- is not even supposed to say "no gifts."?)
    Anniversary
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