Fiance has a fairweather friend I don't want at the wedding...

[Deleted User]

So, we want our wedding to be very small, 50 people or less.  My fiance has a friend who is a terrible friend... they were friends through high school, etc, but this guy started doing really crappy things to my fiance (i.e. sleeping with his girlfriends, spreading rumors, etc....acting like a child).  My fiance knows all he does is use him, but he still maintains this sense of loyalty because they've known each other for 10 years.  

Ok, fine, whatever, I get that.  My two number one things on why this guy is coming to our wedding (appropriate edit ) over my DEAD body:

1.  He is a very loud, rude, obnoxious drunk.  I have NEVER seen him sober, and he is notorious for causing a major scene.  Everywhere he goes.  I don't want this guy ruining my wedding, especially because he'll be giving my fiance crap about not drinking (he's a recovering alcoholic).  

2.  He is VERY rude to me.  Has never once said anything nice to me, and has gone so far as to say "I remind him of his psycho ex-girlfriend" because I wanted to leave when he was being rude at a bar.  

I want our wedding to be very personal, intimate, and with people we love-- and more importantly, who love us.  We've overcome so much with his alcoholism, etc, and this day is a symbol of all of that.  How do I approach this?  I don't mean to sound so petty, there's just a lot of hurt felings revolving around this guy and I don't think I'd ever forgive my fiance on some level if he ruined things.  

pearlaqua

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-has-a-fairweather-friend-i-dont-want-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:562ea9f1-dab9-4edd-bdfb-84dc24c598d6Post:466cfc85-71bb-415b-9f3a-2415502d3587">Re: Fiance has a fairweather friend I don't want at the wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the feedback, guys.  I was a little heated when I'd written my initial post yesterday, and I've calmed down.  We aren't having a dry reception (FI said it would make Stuff like this has always been REALLY hard for me.  I have aspergers and social situations make the anxiety go through the roof, and that on top of the anxiety about alcohol/ the fact that this (very small) town is cliquier than high school, and I get a little neurotic about it.  I'm not very good at reading people and I don't really pick up sarcasm, so it's hard to brush it off when they pick on me-- even if they do it just as much to everyone else.   Good lord I ramble... too much coffee for me today.  I hope some of that makes some sense.  
Posted by vprice1030[/QUOTE]

<div>The more I read from you, the less I think you need to feel bad bout not inviting this awful person.</div><div>
</div><div>Your wedding is very small, you can't include everyone you like so why should you include someone you dislike??</div><div>
</div><div> This jerkball doesn't support your union! He tried to sleep with you?? What the what?! And he acted anything but endlessly repentant about it?  No, just no.</div><div>
</div><div>You have Asperger Syndrome and social situations are hard, you need to tell your FI that planning the wedding and enjoying the wedding are already difficult for you and having this moron there will make it harder.  FI loves you more than this guy, he should understand.</div><div>
</div><div>Am I the only one horrified by this guy?</div>

LandC25

LEAVE HIM OFF THE LIST!!

You should not have to worry about how this guy is going to act at your intimately- sized wedding!

GrayceandDanger

leave him off the list!  My MOH had a very similar scenario at her wedding.  A good childhood friend of her now husband obviously had a drinking problem and he was a beligerant drunk.  She was very concerned about having him on the guest list but they were not having a limited guest list and all the other high school friends were invited so he got the invite. 

Well guess what..as she feared he showed up, was beligerant drunk by the end of the cocktail hour, said insulting things to me, the bride, several others tried to start a fight and was asked to leave by the reception venue staff who had him escorted out.  

Go with your gut- I get where your FI is coming from but sounds like it could be a relief in the end for him to break up this relationship with such a jerk.

tanyanubin

I grew up in a culture in which every social situation, including weddings and funerals, ended in a fistfight. It was lovely to watch as a child. It was also always because of alcohol. 90% of the family no longer drinks, or tolerates such nonsense. This is your wedding, and you don't have to tolerate it. You acknowledge that this person will soon be out of your life anyway. What are you preserving by inviting him? Whose feelings are you protecting here, and why?