including deceased parent on invitation

signingjulie

I lurk here but don't usually post.  Thought you ladies could help me out with this one:

My FI's dad passed away less than 3 months ago. We'd like to include his name on the invitation.  The question is, what is the appropriate way to put it?

John Smith son of Sally & the late Dr. Joe Smith?
John Smith son of the late Dr. Joe & Sally Smith?
or
John Smith son of the late Dr. Joe Smith & Sally Smith?

His mother is still alive and his parents were married up until his father passed away.

cougarette

I would stick to mentioning him in the program.  In the invitation maybe just say "together with their parents..."

squirrly

I am really not a fan of listing deceased parents on the invitation.  I really think that belongs in the program.  If you do it, though, I believe it should be:
John Smith, son of Sally Smith and the late Dr. Joe Smith

*BeachBride0410*

John Smith son of the late Dr. Joe Smith & Sally Smith


^ This I would think....I am sorry for your lose.

punkyshoester

I agree with PPs. I think it is more appropriate to honor him in the program. That is really tough though - I wish you and your FI well.

*BeachBride0410*

I can see what the other ladies are saying about having it in the program instead....but if your FI wants to honor him by having him on the invite, I don't see a problem with it.  I would ask your FI before you make that decision...

ivystar57

IF I were to do this (and I didn't)  I would use to top option you listed.

However, my H's father passed away (granted many many years ago) and we decided that the invitation was not the location to recognize his place in our hearts and the wedding.  While I respect what you are trying to do, I would recommend a memorial candle, or a flower on "his" seat. 

There are several posters here that lost a close family member before their wedding, and I don't believe that any of them used "late so&so" on their invitation.

squirrly

I just double checked.  Deceased parents don't go on the invite at all.  When listing them elsewhere, such as the newspaper or the program, the living parent is listed first, then the deceased. 

sarabellam

How exactly does someone who is dead invite someone to a party? Unless we are talking about zombies or seances, the invitation is not an appropriate place to include a deceased parent IMO.

danieliza1127

The names on the invitation are to indicate who is hosting, so technically, his name shouldn't be on the invitation at all since a deceased person can't host.

But, if your FI and his mom feel strongly about it being on there, the best way to do it is:

Fi, son of Mrs. Sally Smith and the late Dr. Joseph Smith

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_including-deceased-parent-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5646803c-6a5e-4361-b962-b4585fc39ebfPost:a150d4dc-03b3-4de9-be6a-5736b76051b6">Re: including deceased parent on invitation</a>:
[QUOTE]John Smith son of the late Dr. Joe Smith & Sally Smith ^ This I would think....I am sorry for your lose.
Posted by *BeachBride0410*[/QUOTE]

This way makes it sound like Sally is deceased too.

ivystar57

ditto Dani.

She's smart and has a hot new sig pic.

Brie2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_including-deceased-parent-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5646803c-6a5e-4361-b962-b4585fc39ebfPost:99ad0bef-db25-4037-9de7-0721705c3c09">Re: including deceased parent on invitation</a>:
[QUOTE]How exactly does someone who is dead invite someone to a party? Unless we are talking about zombies or seances, the invitation is not an appropriate place to include a deceased parent IMO.
Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]


Agreed.  My father is deceased and we are doing "Together with their families."  Listing just my mom's name seems a little sad and like he's excluded, but the more generic way of doing it, IMO, feels better to me for some reason.  Your FI's father cannot invite people to your wedding from beyond the grave unless he is John Edwards.

I'm sorry for your loss.

*BeachBride0410*

Yeah your right Dani......

I think when you are planning the wedding and your father is still alive helping with things or involved and he passes away months before the wedding......yes technically he can not "host" the wedding but  If your FI & FMIL want him on the invite, as I guest, I wouldn't think this is odd.

signingjulie

Thanks for all the straight & honest answers.  FI wants to include his father's name on the invitation, we haven't discussed it with his mother yet.  I'm kind of torn over this, part of me thinks he should be on the invitation because he passed away so recently, but a wedding is a happy ocassion and I feel like this might overshadow it.  We'll be honoring his memory in other ways (donating to American Cancer Society, possibly leaving an empty seat at the ceremony next to his mother, etc.) Anyway, thanks for your help.

tenofcups4me

I probably wouldn't put him on the invitation either, but there's nothing "technically" wrong with what you're proposing since the "son of" structure doesn't indicate that he's hosting anyway.

At any rate, if you do include him, Dani's wording was the only viable option  If you give the father a title, the mother must have one too. And she should come first or else it reads as if they're both deceased: Mrs. [or Ms., depending on her preference] Jane Smith and the late Dr. Joseph Smith

banana468

Dani is right.  The deceased really aren't supposed to be mentioned on an invitation.  However if he insists upon it then her wording is the way to go.

I'd try to advise him to go with wording in the program instead.  This way his father is still honored and all the guests see that on the wedding day.