I am reaching out for advice/support here for a tough situation that I am in.
My parents went through a bad divorce about 13 years ago. My dad had been married previously and so I have 3 half-siblings (I am the only child from my parents' marriage). My dad passed away 9 years ago but my siblings and my mom haven't spoken for a few years now due to their taking my dad's side in the divorce. I have a good relationship with my sister and one of my brothers, and their kids will be in the WP. My mother is going to walk me down the aisle, so it's going to be a bit awkward but I do trust my brother and sister to be civil towards my mom and vice-versa.
However, my oldest brother is my main concern here. He is 18 years older than me so he and I have never had much of a relationship, and the truth is that I really can’t stand him. Plus, he has always been out-and-out hostile towards my mother and takes every opportunity he can to bash her. Furthermore, he tends to act completely inappropriately in social/family situations. Just to give an example: at the repast after our cousin’s funeral a couple of years ago, he got so drunk he couldn’t even stand, and we wound up having to take care of him, drive him home, etc. He is also just generally crude, loud and obnoxious. I am nervous to have him at the wedding because I just don’t trust him to be civil when in the same room as my mother, especially considering his hatred towards her and his past behavior at family functions. Am I being selfish in not wanting to invite him? I just really do not want to spend my wedding day stressing over what may happen if my oldest brother is present. Personally, I would not miss him at all at my wedding and the only reason I would invite him is because I’d feel obligated because he is family. That coupled with my fears about his behavior have made me think that it would be better not to invite him. HOWEVER – I am very nervous about how my other brother and sister would respond to this. He and my other brother have always had a close relationship even though they are very different in many ways. The younger brother has always had this sense of fierce loyalty to our oldest brother which I do not understand. So I am afraid that if I tell him and my sister that I am not inviting our oldest brother, they will react badly and possibly hold a grudge or even not want their kids to be in the WP. I know this is kind of a complicated situation, but has anyone out there gone through something similar? I have been thinking about this a lot and the situation has been making me very sad and stressed and I do not want to feel this way about my wedding day! Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this? I would appreciate any and all feedback!