WWED?

Nickivegan

So, as many of you know, Tyra (our sweet furbaby) swallowed some thread, and after many complications we decided we had to stop putting her through more surgeries and more and let her go. It was the most painful thing in my life. I have lost pets before due to old age, but never something like this. The worst part was we were gone on vacation for a week before we figured out what was wrong. So, I haven't had my sweet little kitty in two and a half weeks.

I have had a lot of trouble getting up and moving around the house. Housework and eating have become difficult to get up for. We really have no idea what to do.

One of my friends suggested getting a kitten, and pointed me to some that she knows needs homes. This is how she deals with loss, by getting a new baby to keep her mind off the one she lost. I feel like I would be looking to "replace" Tyra, and don't want to put any anger or resentment towards the new kitten.

What would you do? Get another kitten to help with the depression? Or would you side-eye the quick replacement of Tyra?

mari0225

I don't think that you can "replace" a beloved pet, but I do think that a kitten could help you heal, but it's a decision only you can make. My aunt lost her cat last year in early March and she did get two kittens about a month later, she said it was hard and she didn't really "Bond" right away, but she said they helped her deal with her loss and it seemed like one day she woke up and felt connected to them.

crash2729

I don't know that I would side-eye anyone for getting a new pet after another one dies (maybe the day after or something crazy). 
It's not my place to judge another's grieving process and when they feel they are ready for another pet. 

However, if you are worried that you would put some resentment towards the kitten, it may be best to wait. 

I can't imagine what you're going though *hugs*

adamar15

I'm sorry about Tyra.  Can you go to the shelter and just take a look at the kittens they have and see if you connect with any of them?  I wasn't actively looking for another kitten after my cat passed away, but Lotus ran up to H outside the house one day and became part of the family.  I didn't think I was ready for another cat, but she made that decision herself   I would not side eye you at all for getting another cat.  You're not replacing Tyra, you're bringing in a new family member.

aragx6

It's not so much about replacing as it is getting your mind off of the sad stuff. Pets are amazing at that. Only you can know if this is the right thing for you though. I'm so sorry to hear about what happened.

PetalPockets2012

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can say that when our family dog passed away suddenly a few years back, my dad started looking for another dog (same breed). He had the new puppy within 2 months and I think it helped him to deal. I don't see it that he replaced the first dog and I don't think he does either. I think the new puppy was a distraction and helped him.

Only you know what is the right decision for you. I personally wouldn't side-eye it. I'm here any time if you need to talk. Hugs.

Snippylynn

I think you have to grieve. It's okay to be depressed, it's okay to be sad. I think we don't allow ourselves to feel this enough. It's OKAY to not be okay for a while. It just happened. 

Don't feel like, because she wasn't a person, that you are under some sort of pressure to behave normally. Grieve in your own way, and get a new pet when you are ready, and not because you think it will make you feel better. Deal with the emotions now and you'll know when you are ready to bring another furbaby in.

Summer2011Bride

I would not side eye someone getting a pet after one passes away at all. I think if you aren't sure if you're ready for another cat, going to look at some at a shelter or whatnot might help. When we put our dog down when I was younger, I wanted another dog right away because it would help fill some of the emptiness around the house. After having a pet for many years, it just doesn't seem right when you no longer have one around. So I wouldn't see it as trying to replace one because they can never really be replaced, but just moving on with another pet.

If she was your only pet (like our dog was mine), I think it makes it even harder. One of our good friends has a ton of pets--horses, three cats, two dogs, etc. When one is put down, it is still really hard on his family, but they have so many other pets to still tend to that it does help them with grieving, which is another reason getting another cat may help.

baystateapple

Ditto everything that Snippy said.  You will know when the time is right to adopt another kitty.  That day may be today, it may be six months from now.  But do it when it feels right to YOU.  If you're hestitating because you think it's too soon, then it is.  When you feel the time is right, it will be.

*BIG HUGS*, sweets.

SKPM

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56bc4d7a-5886-4c6a-9462-57dc2de27e06Post:872f1be0-a43c-44e8-bc15-37fb187a0add">Re: WWED?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you have to grieve. It's okay to be depressed, it's okay to be sad. I think we don't allow ourselves to feel this enough. It's OKAY to not be okay for a while. It just happened.  Don't feel like, because she wasn't a person, that you are under some sort of pressure to behave normally. Grieve in your own way, and get a new pet when you are ready, and not because you think it will make you feel better. Deal with the emotions now and you'll know when you are ready to bring another furbaby in.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]
This is what I wanted to say, but said much more succinctly. While there isn't anything inherently wrong with getting another kitten, it's important for you to take the time you need to grieve.

StefffiC

I'm so sorry for your loss, I didn't realize you had lost Tyra.

Maybe foster for a rescue?

kaos16

When we had to put our beloved dog, Killer, down within a week of returning from getting engaged in Vegas (he suffered a back injury under questionable circumstances while we were gone) we did not want to get a new dog for awhile.  As fate would have it, a family friend showed up on the doorstep about 7 weeks later with a puppy she couldn't take care of, who happened to have been born the day we got engaged.  That little fluffbutt, Vegas, has helped us all heal from the shock of losing Killer. 

I agree with the PP idea of going to the shelter, or an adoption event even, to see if you have a connction with any of the kittens/cats.  It might be a good test.  If you getting a new pet now is meant to be, I really do think that the opportunity will present itself.

Nickivegan

Thanks ladies, that was all very helpful. I always felt stupid for grieving for longer than a day over pets, as if people never understood. But one woman, a client I knew at the vet where my mom works, always told me as a little girl that I had two hearts "one for people, and one for animals." Learning that humans really only had one heart was very difficult for me comprehend after that!

I think Elliot and I will talk about it tonight (he is very pro-new kitty) and start "visiting" kitties.

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56bc4d7a-5886-4c6a-9462-57dc2de27e06Post:4aa8f692-3cee-4b18-b446-b1b96651b538">Re: WWED?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies, that was all very helpful. <strong>I always felt stupid for grieving for longer than a day over pets, as if people never understood</strong>. But one woman, a client I knew at the vet where my mom works, always told me as a little girl that I had two hearts "one for people, and one for animals." Learning that humans really only had one heart was very difficult for me comprehend after that! I think Elliot and I will talk about it tonight (he is very pro-new kitty) and start "visiting" kitties.
Posted by Nickivegan[/QUOTE]
This makes me sad, mainly because it is true.  I cried horribly for a week when I lost my first guinea pig, and I can't tell you how many people said "It's just a guinea pig".  I hate it when people don't understand.  They are not "just" pets.  They are a big part of your life, they interact with you, they love you and you love them.

Snippylynn

That's what I was getting at Nikki. Pets can often mean as much to us as people do and it's most definitely ok to grieve for them as you normally would. Now, if after a month you still can't get up and moving, then you have a problem. But instead, you just need to let yourself feel the emotions. 

Just take your time.

midgetthemighty

I'm sorry about Tyra and just wanted to echo that this is a decision that only you can make. If it were me, I think I'd at least look and see if a connection was made with any kittens. Don't push yourself. If you're not ready, you're not ready. I haven't lost a pet yet but I can tell you I will lose it when my baby passes. They are just as much a part of your family as any human so don't feel like you can't grieve them. *hugs*

runpipparun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56bc4d7a-5886-4c6a-9462-57dc2de27e06Post:4aa8f692-3cee-4b18-b446-b1b96651b538">Re: WWED?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies, that was all very helpful. <strong>I always felt stupid for grieving for longer than a day over pets, as if people never understood. But one woman, a client I knew at the vet where my mom works, always told me as a little girl that I had two hearts "one for people, and one for animals."</strong> Learning that humans really only had one heart was very difficult for me comprehend after that! I think Elliot and I will talk about it tonight (he is very pro-new kitty) and start "visiting" kitties.
Posted by Nickivegan[/QUOTE]

<div>My family has always been the type to have more animals that we need, probably because I was the little girl who brought the lost kitties and puppies home. My parents acted annoyed, but currently they have 4 stray dogs, 2 stray cats, and a rescue pony, so I don't think they are too mad. But I always cried for days when we lost one.</div><div>
</div><div>My advice is to keep an open mind and look at the <em>adult cats</em> as well as the kittens. Kittens are super cute, but they will be frustrating as hell for a period of time and into everything, which will not help your grieving. There was a girl on one of the other boards asking for help with hers a few days ago because her young kitty was up every night at 3am tearing around the house and waking her and her FI up. Adult cats are calmer and less... nutso. They're just hard to adopt out because they don't have the cuteness factor.</div>

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56bc4d7a-5886-4c6a-9462-57dc2de27e06Post:4aa8f692-3cee-4b18-b446-b1b96651b538">Re: WWED?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies, that was all very helpful. <strong>I always felt stupid for grieving for longer than a day over pets, as if people never understood. </strong>But one woman, a client I knew at the vet where my mom works, always told me as a little girl that I had two hearts "one for people, and one for animals." Learning that humans really only had one heart was very difficult for me comprehend after that! I think Elliot and I will talk about it tonight (he is very pro-new kitty) and start "visiting" kitties.
Posted by Nickivegan[/QUOTE]
I always think of my dog as my little baby. When he passes away it's going to be tough. 
It's almost like losing a family member. Don't feel stupid for going through the grieving process.

S6ix

I'm so sorry for your loss, Nickie. I went through something similar in 2003 - lost my eight-year-old cat to heart and kidney failure. She was healthy until 3 weeks before the end, but those last three weeks were the worst of my life. I still get sad thinking about it. She was my sweet baby. Four months after I lost her, a friend needed someone to look after a feral cat she had trapped. She (the friend) was going overseas for a few months; I thought it would just be a temporary foster situation. Long story short, the friend decided to stay overseas and now 9 years later I have the best kitty in the world. It took her a few months to transform from feral to housecat, and she is still skittish around strangers, but she is my shadow and always by my side when I am at home. Everyone grieves differently, and if you find a new kitten to love, nobody will side-eye you for it. You obviously have a big heart and a lot of love to give.

musicalsunlight

I think snippy said it perfectly. I can only imagine the pain you are going through right now and it hurts me just to think of it as an "internet friend". Pets can be so much more than just animals and lord knows I will be the same way when I lose Tory. Much love to you lady!

Nebb

Im really sorry about your cat We had to put our cat down a few years ago and I felt a lot of guilt over it (we couldnt afford testing to find out what was wrong with her or make her better so our only option was to put her down) and mourned her for quite a long time. It isnt easy. Even now, I dont think im ready for another cat yet because im just not "over" losing her. Alternately, my mom had to put her dog down and replaced her very quickly with a new dog and just couldnt take to the new one and ended up having to find a new home for it because it just wasnt the same. Dont rush yourself.

hoffse

I think it's fine for you to take the time you need.  If you reach a point where you're uncertain about whether a new kitty would help, maybe take a trip to a local shelter and see how it makes you feel.  Some people do grieve by replacing animals quickly - when my parents had to put down their last cat due to old age, they got a kitten that afternoon because it upset them so much.  They still think about Snickers, but Target helped them heal, and nobody judged them for getting a new pet so quickly.  But if getting a new pet right now isn't right for you, then it's not right for you.

Knittibell

You wouldn't be replacing her. You'll never replace her. But saving another cat from death at a shelter would be a fantastic way to honor her memory, make you feel good, and cheer you up!

tpender13

I'm so sorry for your loss! Only you can decide whether it's right for you to get another pet right now. I'll share my story...

When I was a kid, I'd spent a weekend with my older sister who lived a few hours away. She took me to the zoo for my birthday. I got home (on my actual birthday) to find out that my dog was hit and killed by a car. I holed up in my room for a couple hours crying, then my dad came in and told me to get up because we were going for a ride. We ended up at my aunt and uncle's house -- the people who lived on the farm had a dog that had a little of puppies 7 weeks prior. We went home with a puppy that night. I was upset at first, like I was replacing my other dog, but I realized that wasn't the case. I still grieved for the first dog, but getting the puppy was the best thing my parents could have done for me. That ended up being the dog I grew up with, and she was seriously the best pet and friend a person could ask for.

Please don't feel silly for grieving over your cat. We had to put my dog down a few years ago, and I still get sad when I think about losing her. Just typing that last paragraph made me tear up.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

kikirst33

I've lost three cats to cancer - all very suddenly so I can feel your pain.

Don't every feel bad about grieving for your pets - I can still put myself in tears talking about my lost kitties.  I still have dreams about my cats and believe that it is their way of stopping by to let them know that their spirits are still out there watching out for me.

When you're ready to adopt another you'll know.  After I lost Putty cat it took me months, when Sydney was taken from me there was a litter of kittens at work two weeks later and one of them just spoke to me.  

Cuss10

Maybe you could talk to a local shelter about fostering a kitten for a little while? That would give you another animal to help you get over losing Tyra, and if it's too soon or you don't bond you know that someone is already looking to get the kitten a new and loving home.