"Significant Others"

sunshineinne

Hi Everyone,

I am about to send out invitations and am having an unexpected issue.
Even though we have a limited number of people we can invite, my mother requested that I invite my cousin's children (college age and above).  This was fine with me as we see them a few times a year at graduations parties, holidays, etc.  The problem is, they all seem to have boyfriends and girlfriends now, and I hadn't really anticipated this.  Even though I know etiquette dictates a separate invitation for those 18 and above, I was planning on including the college kids on their parents invites, and sending individual invitations to the ones who have graduated college.  I have NO idea what to do about all the boyfriends / girlfriends! Our space is so limited, and I have personal friends / co-workers that I did not even have room for.  Can I just invite significant others of those cousins who are already graduated college and are living on their own?  This might be hard to explain, though, when they are wondering why some cousins can bring a guest and not others???  Is it too weird to just invite the cousins without extending the invitations to bf's and gf's, and seating them together like a family event? The other option of course is to invite all their significant others - although I don't have a personal relationship with any of them - most, I have never met. Please help.

J&K10910

You either need to not invite the cousins, or invite all of their significant others.  Sorry.

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_significant-others-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56c26c70-d307-4c7b-8fe4-e8f9b0830ae7Post:ba8938ac-402c-4a8d-8299-912400117ba1">"Significant Others"</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Everyone, I am about to send out invitations and am having an unexpected issue. Even though we have a limited number of people we can invite, my mother requested that I invite my cousin's children (college age and above).  This was fine with me as we see them a few times a year at graduations parties, holidays, etc.  The problem is, they all seem to have boyfriends and girlfriends now, and I hadn't really anticipated this.  Even though I know etiquette dictates a separate invitation for those 18 and above, I was planning on including the college kids on their parents invites, and sending individual invitations to the ones who have graduated college.  I have NO idea what to do about all the boyfriends / girlfriends! Our space is so limited, and I have personal friends / co-workers that I did not even have room for.  Can I just invite significant others of those cousins who are already graduated college and are living on their own?  This might be hard to explain, though, when they are wondering why some cousins can bring a guest and not others???  Is it too weird to just invite the cousins without extending the invitations to bf's and gf's, and seating them together like a family event? T<strong>he other option of course is to invite all their significant others - although I don't have a personal relationship with any of them</strong> - most, I have never met. Please help.
Posted by sunshineinne[/QUOTE]
If they are in a relationship this is what you need to do. <div>They need to be invited together.</div>

banana468

Unfortunately you need to invite any guest in a relationship with his / her SO. 

Gabrielle76

College relationships can be very serious (FI and I met, dated, and got engaged in college).  I know if I had been invited to a wedding without FI even when we were only dating, I would have declined.

loca4pook

Etiquette says Anyone over 18 deserves 1) own invitation and 2) plus one.

libby2483

If they are over 18 and in a relationship, their SO should be invited.  If they were in high school, I would say it would be fine to just include them on their family's invitation and not invite their SO.  College is a different story, though.  FI and I got engaged only two months after finishing college, and we had friends who got married while in collge.  It seems like the easiest solution might just be to stop at first cousins.  Children of first cousins are far enough removed that I wouldn't think anyone would be offended (although I don't know your particular family dynamic).  

sunshineinne

Thank you very much for your feedback.  I will inquire about adding a plus one for them!  One less decision to make!! 

Avion22

Just a semantics fix:

There is a difference between a "plus one" and invited someone's boyfriend/girlfriend.  A "plus one" is when you allow your truly single guests to bring a guest of their chosing.  In this case, I think it's okay to address the invitation to "Mary Smith and Guest", then if she responds for two, find out the guests names for place cards.

For significant others, you should find out the name of the boyfriend girlfriend at the time you send out invitations, and write the actual name in.

Miss_2010

College kids are in their 20's, correct?  I would have been highly offended in my 20's if I was on my parents invite.  Half these "kids" don't even live at home if they go to university.  Let them take their SO

SB1512

Are you and FI paying for the wedding?  If your mother is not contributing, while it is nice to take her requests into account, if fitting in the SO's of these children is going to push you over the guest limit the venue can hold, tell your mother you are sorry but you cannot over invite (so do not invite the cousin's kids or SO's, not just don't invite the SO's) because you should always plan for 100% attendance.  If you can invite these cousin's children and SO's without going over your space limit then that's a different story and the advice from PP's is what you should be doing.

edit: clarity on inviting if you will go past your guest limit by including the SO's

tpender13

In Response to Re::[QUOTE]College kids are in their 20's, correct?nbsp; I would have been highly offended in my 20's if I was on my parents invite.nbsp; Half these "kids" don't even live at homenbsp;if they go to university.nbsp; Let them take their SO Posted by Miss_2010[/QUOTE]

This. I missed out on a family wedding when I was in college because I has no idea the wedding was happening. I was included on my parents' invitation, but I lived hours away from them and they never told me about it. Mom tried to cover by saying she didn't think I'd be able to make it since I didn't have a car, but it wouldn't have been an issue I'd I had my own invitation.

rajahmd

As someone who recently got an invitation to a wedding without my fiance being included, I'll tell you it sucks.  I don't like having to choose between a friend and my fiance (which I'm totally choosing him).  Put yourself in their shoes- would you want to be invited without your SO? Probably not.