Newbie Observation

Carla1019

Hello Ladies, I first want to say that I really enjoy coming to this board and reading the posts. I'm not the most P.C. person and I've learned a lot here. With that being said I have to tell you that I am a little put off by some of the posters here. I've read several posts where someone is venting and people go straight for the kill by calling them judgmental and a bad person. I understand that sometimes we feel frustrated and need to speak how we feel in that MOMENT! After a good vent the moment has passed and everything is back to normal. Personal attacks on a poster's character are being made by one post. Are you serious? All I want to say is that you all are very intelligent women and I would like to believe that people have good intentions when they post a VENT. Is it really necessary to call them a bad person, or friend, or wife to be, or whatever?? Okay, I'll get off my soap box now. I just had to point my observation from a newbie perspective and I would hate for anyone to stop coming here for fear of walking on eggs shells.

Habs2Hart

Link to this happening please? 

I have not seen any regs call any newbs a bad person.  I've seen regs give honest advice that follows etiquette.  This is not a board that validates, it's a board that corrects poor etiquette. 

Stackeye210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie-observation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56fb124c-73ec-403a-8e75-bea031e41752Post:0fd0fc1f-866b-47d7-bc4f-cdc2cc04beda">Newbie Observation</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello Ladies, I first want to say that I really enjoy coming to this board and reading the posts. I'm not the most P.C. person and I've learned a lot here. With that being said I have to tell you that I am a little put off by some of the posters here. I've read several posts where someone is venting and people go straight for the kill by calling them judgmental and a bad person. I understand that sometimes we feel frustrated and need to speak how we feel in that MOMENT! After a good vent the moment has passed and everything is back to normal. Personal attacks on a poster's character are being made by one post. Are you serious? All I want to say is that you all are very intelligent women and I would like to believe that people have good intentions when they post a VENT. Is it really necessary to call them a bad person, or friend, or wife to be, or whatever?? Okay, I'll get off my soap box now. I just had to point my observation from a newbie perspective and I would hate for anyone to stop coming here for fear of walking on eggs shells.
Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]

Good luck coming in here and trying to change the board dynamic with your passive aggressive statements on judgements.  I hope that works out for you. 

aleighk1

Here we go again.

waltzingmatilda13

I haven't seen anyone attack someone directly. We give people perspective and can be blunt about it, but that's about it.

I, too, would appreciate a link to an example.

Stackeye210

I can only assume you're talking about the discrimation post b/c that's the only place people immediately went in for the kill in a long time - but some people just come asking for it. 

reason00

I just read one in a post about a girl that was ranting about a situation with her best friend. The first response was "you're so judgemental, bad friend etc etc". Something like that. lol...

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie-observation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56fb124c-73ec-403a-8e75-bea031e41752Post:0fd0fc1f-866b-47d7-bc4f-cdc2cc04beda">Newbie Observation</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello Ladies, I first want to say that I really enjoy coming to this board and reading the posts. I'm not the most P.C. person and I've learned a lot here. With that being said I have to tell you that<strong> I am a little put off by some of the posters here.</strong> I've read several posts where someone is venting and people go straight for the kill by calling them judgmental and a bad person. I understand that sometimes we feel frustrated and need to speak how we feel in that MOMENT! After a good vent the moment has passed and everything is back to normal. Personal attacks on a poster's character are being made by one post. Are you serious? All I want to say is that you all are very intelligent women and I would like to believe that people have good intentions when they post a VENT. Is it really necessary to call them a bad person, or friend, or wife to be, or whatever?? Okay, I'll get off my soap box now. I just had to point my observation from a newbie perspective and I would hate for anyone to stop coming here for fear of walking on eggs shells.
Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]
Name names. Be specific, or this is just self righteous pot stirring. Oh, and that's not an attack on your personal character or moral fiber or anything. Just so we're clear.

FutureMrsFezz

Guh.

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie-observation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:56fb124c-73ec-403a-8e75-bea031e41752Post:993900a4-1397-4e45-8179-2bb8cdd901e3">Re: Newbie Observation</a>:
[QUOTE]I just read one in a post about a girl that was ranting about a situation with her best friend. The first response was "you're so judgemental, bad friend etc etc". Something like that. lol...
Posted by reason00[/QUOTE]

I just read that.  The whole post was her judging her friend and the way she handles men.  Some people should be called out for it.

Carla1019

Passive aggressive - please explain? How should I have said it? This was my honest observation, people can take it or leave it.

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie-observation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:56fb124c-73ec-403a-8e75-bea031e41752Post:22cb4e60-9f7d-495d-a998-ac89972df1e2">Re: Newbie Observation</a>:
[QUOTE]Passive aggressive - please explain? How should I have said it? This was my honest observation, people can take it or leave it.
Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]

So are the responses in theads.  You can take it or leave it.  If you don't like the sandbox...

Stackeye210

You're elbowing your way in and trying to tell a board that's been here for years how to act, all while saying, "I really like this board".

waltzingmatilda13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie-observation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56fb124c-73ec-403a-8e75-bea031e41752Post:993900a4-1397-4e45-8179-2bb8cdd901e3">Re: Newbie Observation</a>:
[QUOTE]I just read one in a post about a girl that was ranting about a situation with her best friend. The first response was "you're so judgemental, bad friend etc etc". Something like that. lol...
Posted by reason00[/QUOTE]

Link? Thread title?

LDYGTR13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie-observation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56fb124c-73ec-403a-8e75-bea031e41752Post:993900a4-1397-4e45-8179-2bb8cdd901e3">Re: Newbie Observation</a>:
[QUOTE]I just read one in a post about a girl that was ranting about a situation with her best friend. The first response was "you're so judgemental, bad friend etc etc". Something like that. lol...
Posted by reason00[/QUOTE]

The OP in that post WAS being judgemental of her friend - saying that her friend chooses bad guys, etc. The first poster said that she was being judgemental - which is shown in the OP.

NuggetBrain

Listen here lady, don't roll up in the mix with your Captain Bossy McHeifer hat on, telling people how and what they should post.  It's my god given right as an American citizen to be as bitchtastically horrible as I wanna be.

midgetthemighty

I haven't even been here that long, but haven't we gone through this recently?

Carla1019

Yes, I thought that post about the girl Venting about her bestfriend saying, Her new BF is the only one who was there for her what upseting. I would be pissed too if my good friend said that. The first reply was a "your not a good friend"

Also the girl venting about her husband not filling up the gas tank, she was VENTing - I agree there were some statement she should have left off but it was a VENT.

I'm saying that I'm not the most P.C. person but I'm not perfect. You are calling me self rightous?? I'm posting this b/c I think there is a lot of great advice here, but someone can easily be put off. Sorry if you don't want to hear that.

laurenclaire1386

OP, would you walk into a room full of people you don't know and tell them all they ain't acting right? Cause that's what you're doing. And it's obnoxious.

crfische

Or bitchtastically awesome. WHATEVER.

opalsky007

Carla,

I personally try to avoid, whenever possible, making broad generalizations about people, or posts, or posting habits. It's just too hard to get it right. I expect that many others try to do the same, but can't speak for them.

Some advice: if you see something that bothers you, say something, in the thread where it bothered you. It's really the best way of addressing the problems you describe. Writing a treatise on how you've been disappointed in some unnamed posts by some unnamed people just puts people on the defensive. You won't change anything that way.

Stackeye210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie-observation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56fb124c-73ec-403a-8e75-bea031e41752Post:1a17c6be-60fd-4d7e-9b30-4b056826da66">Re: Newbie Observation</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, would you walk into a room full of people you don't know and tell them all they ain't acting right? Cause that's what you're doing. And it's obnoxious.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]


LC - it's ack right.  You know better.  Why the haters always be hatin.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie-observation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56fb124c-73ec-403a-8e75-bea031e41752Post:0fd0fc1f-866b-47d7-bc4f-cdc2cc04beda">Newbie Observation</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello Ladies, I first want to say that I really enjoy coming to this board and reading the posts. I'm not the most P.C. person and I've learned a lot here. With that being said I have to tell you that <strong>I am a little put off by some of the posters here. </strong>I've read several posts where someone is venting and people go straight for the kill by calling them judgmental and a bad person. I understand that sometimes we feel frustrated and need to speak how we feel in that MOMENT! After a good vent the moment has passed and everything is back to normal. Personal attacks on a poster's character are being made by one post. Are you serious? All I want to say is that you all are very intelligent women and I would like to believe that people have good intentions when they post a VENT. <strong>Is it really necessary to call them a bad person, or friend, or wife to be, or whatever?? </strong>Okay, I'll get off my soap box now. I just had to point my observation from a newbie perspective and I would hate for anyone to stop coming here for fear of walking on eggs shells.
Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]

Well lucky you, it's your prerogative not to like everyone else on the internet. I don't think you should expect to love every single poster on a message board.

And no, it's not necessary. It also wasn't necessary for you to post this. Pretty much 100% of what goes on here is unnecessary, but people get to say what they want. Your post makes it sound like you're trying to be everyone's mom and tell them how to post and what to say, which just puts you firmly in my category of "posters by whom I am put off." It's ok if the feeling's mutual.

LDYGTR13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie-observation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56fb124c-73ec-403a-8e75-bea031e41752Post:49aab71b-5378-4882-acee-3f9526082372">Re: Newbie Observation</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Newbie Observation : LC - it's ack right.  You know better. <strong> Why the hatters always be hattin.</strong>
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]

FTFY!

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie-observation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56fb124c-73ec-403a-8e75-bea031e41752Post:102cfa2b-a5e7-4b7c-8359-39788a9e5afe">Re: Newbie Observation</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, I thought that post about the girl Venting about her bestfriend saying, Her new BF is the only one who was there for her what upseting. I would be pissed too if my good friend said that. The first reply was a "your not a good friend" Also the girl venting about her husband not filling up the gas tank, she was VENTing - I agree there were some statement she should have left off but it was a VENT. I'm saying that I'm not the most P.C. person but I'm not perfect. You are calling me self rightous?? I'm posting this b/c I think there is a lot of great advice here, but someone can easily be put off. Sorry if you don't want to hear that.
Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]
Yeah that was me in the husband gas tank thread. I think what Scottswife said demeaned both sexes and that she made a big stupid blanket statement that was patently false. I'm not going to censor myself just because YOU don't like it. Sorry if you don't want to hear that.

And you're damn right I'm calling you self righteous. Who the hell made you the grand arbiter of what can be said and in what manner?

Rosie109

I want to hear specific names.

Nattie24

I need a cookie. 

Stackeye210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie-observation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56fb124c-73ec-403a-8e75-bea031e41752Post:102cfa2b-a5e7-4b7c-8359-39788a9e5afe">Re: Newbie Observation</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, I thought that post about the girl Venting about her bestfriend saying, Her new BF is the only one who was there for her what upseting. I would be pissed too if my good friend said that. The first reply was a "your not a good friend" <strong>Also the girl venting about her husband not filling up the gas tank, she was VENTing - I agree there were some statement she should have left off but it was a VENT. </strong>I'm saying that I'm not the most P.C. person but I'm not perfect. You are calling me self rightous?? I'm posting this b/c I think there is a lot of great advice here, but someone can easily be put off. Sorry if you don't want to hear that.
Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]

For the record.  I made a comment about the OP in this post b/c lately I have only seen venting from her - about her job, her kid, now her husband.  So maybe you should realize there are back stories to some of these posts and reasons why reactions may be made the way they are.

And yes, self righteous because so often a newb comes in here and tries to tell people how to act.  Obviously you haven't lurked that long or you'd understand how we worked. 

jmkaiser

I'm rather new to this board but I love it! I want to be told if I'm a nutjob or if I'm completely right. People are going to have their own strong opinions but that's why this board seems to be the most real. I think the local boards are more walking on eggshells than this one by far. Here people are not afriad to say what they really think so true advice is given.

I think on this board most people are looking for ladies to support them (even when they shouldn't be) and when that's not the case they get offended....

kate51485

I love it when people criticize us for criticizing other people. Pot/kettle and all that.

My observation is that it will be a very long 1 year, 2 months, and 2 days for you if you maintain this approach.

Ghoti

This board isn't for vents. You want a hug, go to your month board. You want honest opinions and varied points of view, (as well as proper etiquette!), you come here. 

Some regs do vent here, and they generally get the same honesty. It's a virtue of the board.