Wedding Etiquette Forum

family bachelor/bachelorette party

I am the mother of the bride A.K.A. Momzilla...as my sweet daughter calls me! Its all in love and fun though! ...Ok with that aside I have a question. All the bridesmaids live out of town and are not available for a bachelorette party. Her fiance is not much into the bachelor party thing....So I was wondering.....Can I plan a party that would be in place of both of those parties and add the family so we can all meet before the shower and wedding? I would like to have it at a fun place with entertainment and cocktails and food. I would like the invites to say that if they would like to contribute to a monetary gift for the couples honeymoon "fun" money to send with the rsvd. Would this be acceptable?

Re: family bachelor/bachelorette party

  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    edited January 2012
    I like the idea of everything you mentioned, minus the request for money. That is tacky. If they want to get them a gift or give them money, they will. No need to hit them up. But it's fine for you to host a party. 

    ETA: If all of the BMs are from OOT, might this be just as difficult for them to attend as a bachelorette party would be? 
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  • If you can get it to work out that everyone can be there, that would be fine.  I wouldn't mention anything about money though, they know weddings usually involve gifts.
  • Bridesmaids will not be able to attend. This is sad but unfortunately with the economy as it is they can not make the trips back and forth. I just feel like my daughter deserves all the fun parties! Its her time to shine and enjoy and celebrate.
  • Has the couple already had an engagement party? Because that kind of sounds like what your hosting. A party for the family to socialize which occurs before the shower and rehearsal.

    As long as you host the party (provide refreshments), it is fine. However, do not mention money or gifts on the invite, that is rude and tacky. Just throw a party in the couple's honor, but don't turn it into a money/gift grab.

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  • My cousin kind of had something like this, though just for women. Us (local) bridesmaids planned it, but it included her mom and a bunch of aunts. We rented a hotel room at an indoor water park/resort and we spend the day swimming and playing. At night we went to a couple bars/clubs, grown ups and all! It was so much fun. I don't see anything wrong with getting the family together for a fun evening of entertainment, food, and drink. But definitely don't mention anything about money, that's tacky.
  • I think what you are planning is fine, but don't ask for money.  Bach parties are typically not gift giving events.  If they want to give something, they will, but don't ask for it. 
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  • edited January 2012
    WOW thats funny...because every bachelorette party I have gone to have included gifts. Alot of them ask for money up front for party bus etc and then add another $20 or so to give to the bride-to-be. All the bachelor parties I have known usually have some sort of gambling and then they set aside so much money each pot to give the groom-to-be some cash as gift!.....I am surprised...maybe things have changed in the last few years about giving the couple cash gifts.

    confused as always!
    Undecided
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-bachelorbachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:57289e94-fa08-4bfb-8df3-d13b48308293Post:3d88da9e-38c9-4458-a4e5-35b6762de7d9">Re: family bachelor/bachelorette party</a>:
    [QUOTE]WOW thats funny...because every bachelorette party I have gone to have included gifts. Alot of them ask for money up front for party bus etc and then add another $20 or so to give to the bride-to-be. All the bachelor parties I have known usually have some sort of gambling and then they set aside so much money each pot to give the groom-to-be some cash as gift!.....I am surprised...maybe things have changed in the last few years about giving the couple cash gifts. confused as always!
    Posted by lorrie72757[/QUOTE]

    Every bachelorette party you have gone to was planned by someone rude, then. You never ask for gifts. EVER.

    That said, however, if "every" bachelorette party in your town is like this, people will automatically bring the cash you want for your daughter (Really, this whole thing seems to just be a way to make your daughter money.). Just don't ask for it.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-bachelorbachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:57289e94-fa08-4bfb-8df3-d13b48308293Post:3d88da9e-38c9-4458-a4e5-35b6762de7d9">Re: family bachelor/bachelorette party</a>:
    [QUOTE]WOW thats funny...because every bachelorette party I have gone to have included gifts. Alot of them ask for money up front for party bus etc and then add another $20 or so to give to the bride-to-be. All the bachelor parties I have known usually have some sort of gambling and then they set aside so much money each pot to give the groom-to-be some cash as gift!.....I am surprised...maybe things have changed in the last few years about giving the couple cash gifts. confused as always!
    Posted by lorrie72757[/QUOTE]
    I don't think that is the norm. The Bachelorette parties I have gone to usually have included activities of some sort that we each had to pay our own way for, for example a limo, bottle service at a club, dinner, etc. As guests of the bachelorette party, WE were given gifts for ourselves. The bridesmaids sometimes bought a few gag gifts for the bride. But as a guest, I've never been asked to contribute money towards a gift for the bachelorette. The party and my presence is her gift.
  • This doesn't sound at all like a bachelorette/bachelor party.  It's more like a pre-wedding meet-and-greet for the families.  If I was invited to something like you're describing, I definitely wouldn't appreciate being told to contribute cash.  
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