HELP!!

HoneyBear226

OK, so I desperately need advice, and I need it fast because I am meeting with the other bride tomorrow to discuss this... here's some back story:
I became engaged in February, set a date by probably March.  My fiance then asked his best friend to be his best man.  Lovely.  Well then his best man gets back together with his ex and proposes shortly after... good for them!  They also make a point to say, 'we don't to steal thunder, we are thinking 2012, etc etc etc.' In the meantime, they have been scouting numerous venues (i heard "this is the one" more than once)... fast forward to a few weeks ago, they have fallen in love with another venue and they are going to go with its only available date.  Just so happens that this date is the Saturday immediately following my wedding.  Oh, and my fiance is also his best man and I am a bridesmaid. 
I expressed my conerns that if they do this, my future husband and i don't have the option of a honeymoon! furthermore, can't we just have a little time when it's just about us? (selfish, i know)... The other bride (and my good friend of course) wants to talk with me tomorrow because that's when she has to put down the deposit.   what are my options here? am I crazy for being upset? can i tell her she can't get married at this venue?? please help.. i'm torn up over this... sorry it's so long winded...

LauraT25

You can't ask them to change their date - and yes, it is selfish to ask for a little time that's just about the two of you (aside from YOUR ceremony and reception).  Your options are to withdraw from the wedding party, or postpone your HM.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

First - hit post just once

Second - I see why it's slightly inconvenient (back to back weddings!  yow!) but why would it take away your option for a honeymoon?

JenGin74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-18?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5787185b-d993-447d-b5b4-4e48dbe9ec81Post:83ae0095-052a-4374-9b26-7c841968d084">Re: HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]First - hit post just once :) Second - I see why it's slightly inconvenient (back to back weddings!  yow!)<strong> but why would it take away your option for a honeymoon?</strong>
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]


Because honeymoons don't count unless you leave right from the wedding. Duh.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-18?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5787185b-d993-447d-b5b4-4e48dbe9ec81Post:4ffe6679-4b96-47a8-8bdd-402449a60fca">Re: HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP!! : Because honeymoons don't count unless you leave right from the wedding. Duh.
Posted by JenGin74[/QUOTE]


Silly me.

squirrly

Really, by the time you get to that week after your wedding, it'll be NBD.  You can leave on your honeymoon right after their wedding, or decline their request to be in the WP - it's up to you. 

It's really much more likely that she will be stressed while attending YOUR wedding than the other way around. 

And, yes, telling her she can't have her wedding then would be VERY selfish. 

bethsmiles

It will be all about you and your FI for awhile...on YOUR wedding day. That is all you get ONE day. I get why you might be a little upset over the closeness between the two dates. but you can take a honeymoon and go to their wedding a week later. You can't ask her to change her date but be honest with her and tell her how you feel.

tidetravel

My god, how many boards did you post this on?

lilianne22

Don't ask them to change their date.  You can either take yourselves out of the WP or you can plan a honeymoon that has you back in time for or leaving after their wedding.

vsgal

You can't dictate someone else's wedding date.  You get one day.  Not one week. Not one month.  Not a small amount of time for yourselves. You also don't get to dictate the location of her event.  You don't get that kind of power.

You  can do one of three things.  You can tell her that you will not be able to be in the wedding party because you will be out of town on your honeymoon. Note-this option is not given as an ultimatum but rather a statement of fact.  If you won't be in town, you can't be there. Option two is to postpone you honeymoon one week later and stand up for her at her wedding. With a year out, you probably have not booked a honeymoon yet.  Option three is to move your wedding date.  If you have booked vendors, this may be out.

Personally, I would choose option 2.  A lot of couples wait to go on the honeymoon until they have more time, money, etc.  Just because you don't go immediately following the wedding does not mean you give it up completely.  One of my good friends went on their HM three months after the wedding. 

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-18?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5787185b-d993-447d-b5b4-4e48dbe9ec81Post:7eb9434e-ca9d-4ec9-a5e8-1e575454daca">Re: HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Really, by the time you get to that week after your wedding, it'll be NBD.  You can leave on your honeymoon right after their wedding, or decline their request to be in the WP - it's up to you.  It's really much more likely that she will be stressed while attending YOUR wedding than the other way around.  And, yes, telling her she can't have her wedding then would be VERY selfish. 
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

Exactly what Squirrly said.

squirrly

Honeybear, please check your private messages.

mandysmear

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-18?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5787185b-d993-447d-b5b4-4e48dbe9ec81Post:4046965d-0ac6-4473-a520-44249fa38a3d">HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]OK, so I desperately need advice, and I need it fast because I am meeting with the other bride tomorrow to discuss this... here's some back story: I became engaged in February, set a date by probably March.  My fiance then asked his best friend to be his best man.  Lovely.  Well then his best man gets back together with his ex and proposes shortly after... good for them!  They also make a point to say, 'we don't to steal thunder, we are thinking 2012, etc etc etc.' In the meantime, they have been scouting numerous venues (i heard "this is the one" more than once)... fast forward to a few weeks ago, they have fallen in love with another venue and they are going to go with its only available date.  Just so happens that this date is the Saturday immediately following my wedding.  Oh, and my fiance is also his best man and I am a bridesmaid.  I expressed my conerns that if they do this, my future husband and i don't have the option of a honeymoon! furthermore, can't we just have a little time when it's just about us? (selfish, i know)... The other bride (and my good friend of course) wants to talk with me tomorrow because that's when she has to put down the deposit.   what are my options here? am I crazy for being upset? can i tell her she can't get married at this venue?? please help.. i'm torn up over this... sorry it's so long winded...
Posted by HoneyBear226[/QUOTE]

I'm not sure I can take someone with the name HoneyBear seriously.

HoneyBear226

im really embarassed to have even asked guys... i realize you think it's terrible that i would even suggest it... i guess i needed a reality check... wasnt necessarily prepared for it to be so harsh, but perjaps that what i needed... thanks i am already over it

kikibaby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-18?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5787185b-d993-447d-b5b4-4e48dbe9ec81Post:5b7ff398-439c-4255-9707-4b9530c34a25">Re: HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]im really embarassed to have even asked guys... i realize you think it's terrible that i would even suggest it... i guess i needed a reality check... wasnt necessarily prepared for it to be so harsh, but perjaps that what i needed... thanks i am already over it :)
Posted by HoneyBear226[/QUOTE]

Perfect.  Good luck and try to be happy for your friends.

Bubbalub

You're a good sport, Honey Bear. Keep posting with us!

mandysmear

I think that a honeymoon after your friends' wedding will be awesome.  You'll be tired and you'll feel ilke you need a vacation.

Bubbalub

Yeah, we still haven't taken our honeymoon yet. It'll probably happen in January or something. :P

Beachy730

We haven't taken our honeymoon yet.  We are hoping to do one in April or May when H gets back from deployment. 

Honeybear I'm glad you got your vent out here and not with your friend.  So is her wedding a day after yours, or a week?  You said the Saturday right after, so I', also wondering if you are having a Friday wedding.  Either way, you will be fine.  She obviously feels bad about it if she wants to meet with you to talk about it, but you would hate yourself down the road if you told her she couldn't get married at her dream venue because of your wedding. 

Either go on your honeymoon and be back for it, or go after their wedding.  Also, H and I loved going to a wedding a few weeks after ours because ours was fresh on our brain still and we got to reminisce about it, as well as say how much we liked ours better!  (That's mean though)

cm42878

Well what if you waited, went to their wedding and then you all went honeymooning together? This may sound like a wierd option but its kind of what we are doing. My very very BFF is married to my FI best friend. THey go to mexico every year and have always begged us to go but we never got to. THey are going on our honeymoon with us. FI and I have been together for 8 years by the time of our wedding, so we do everything our own way!! LOL!! We will NOT be sharing rooms and they plan on doing some day excursions were as we will not be doing any. So there will be times when we are together and times when we are not. But if your FI is best friends with him and you are good friends with her it might be a good time for both of you to relax!!

golden1215

I got engaged way before my good friend but she set her date before us so when my date got narrowed down to 1 week before hers or 2 weeks after she picked 2 after and we went with that.  Consider yourself lucky your date is first as she'll have much more on her mind at yours.

And please dont make comments like "his ex" and blah blah blah, you have no idea how many people have unique relationship situtations that work out for them.  Dont be a judger.