Not invited to wedding, feeling incredibly frustrated

classyashley918

Hi ladies,

So I am not engaged yet, but BF and I are in the process and have gone to look at rings and such and now its in his hands (my guess is he's going to do it in March or so but that's up to him). Don't worry, I'm not BSC yet and planning my wedding but I do browse the knot on occassion.

The reason why I'm posting is that BF is a groomsman in one of his college friend's wedding in May. BF recently found out that because we're NEY, even though we've been together a year and a half, I am not invited to the wedding. Both BF and I are upset, but there's nothing we can do about it. The bride and groom are also not inviting the GF of another groomsman who lives with him and has been dating that groomsman for three years.

I guess I'm just ranting. It's up to them their criteria for plus ones, but this makes me upset :-/.

beatlesgirl25

That does suck. Is your BF still going to attend their wedding as GM?

Night_Sprite

If you are so distraught I would suggest having BF decline to be a groomsman.

Nebb

Have him send his friends here so we can set them straight. I also have to ditto beatles, Im curious if hes pissed enough to give them an ultimatum.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Well, if it makes you feel better, their criteria for plus ones sucks. What about couples who never want to get married and just live together for 20+ years? They don't get invited together? If your BF wasn't IN the wedding, he should decline the invitation. Hell, if I were him I'd bring it up.

ricksang

That would piss me off. Is your BF going to decline?

shellydiane820

That does suck.

aMrsin09

Yes any couple can use what ever criteria they wish for including plus ones, but I draw the line at the WP. They should always get a plus one even if they aren't dating anyone seriously.

classyashley918

BF is pretty committed to being in the wedding and is too shy to do an ultimatum, especially since we realize its probably a budget issue or something along those lines. I just felt like ranting a bit... its fine, May is really busy for me work-wise anyway, so probaly better not to have to take vacation time, but BF saw it as an opportunity for me to meet a lot of his college friends, since I really haven't met a lot of them yet.

ricksang

Ahh well sorry you can't go

beatlesgirl25

Sounds like you guys are being really understanding, even though you are not required in this case. And you'll have the opportunity to show them how this should be done when you get married and invite both of them to your wedding.

Night_Sprite

Well, if he doesn't care enough to say something then you don't really get to whine.  Sorry.

EmmaBride2B

That's pretty ridiculous. Even if you're going to draw the "no ring, no invite" line (which is totally arbitrary, as PPs have pointed out), you'd think they'd at least make the exception for the WP.

You sound like you're taking it much better than I would, you're super understanding. 

SparrowSong

I'm sorry, that sucks. I think that's really rude of them.

MyNameIsNot

That's so incredibly rude, I don't care what their budget is.  Married, engaged and long term relationships need to be invited.

My DH would not attend, even if he had been asked to be a GM.  Or he would come to the ceremony and skip the reception.  This is a public slap in the face to you.

Galaxy8227

I agree with PP's.  Wedding party should always get a plus one--especially when you're in a serious relationship, that's just rude.  But he should say something if it's bothering the two of you. 

JK10910

But what if you're engaged by the time of the wedding?  Do you suddenly get an invite?

ring_pop

If you're really that important to your BF, he should stand up for you. "Shy" is a crappy excuse to let his friends exclude you.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-invited-wedding-feeling-incredibly-frustrated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5791eb1d-0577-4f8e-af41-fa758169bdc6Post:263e1ab0-5008-4f54-9670-2c76076b9d53">Re: Not invited to wedding, feeling incredibly frustrated</a>:
[QUOTE]If you're really that important to your BF, he should stand up for you. "Shy" is a crappy excuse to let his friends exclude you.
Posted by ring_pop[/QUOTE]

I can understand expecting him to say something (kind of passive aggressive) like "Susan is so disappointed she couldn't come to the wedding!" but I wouldn't expect him to decline being a GM, esp. since it sounds like they're applying their (warped) rule uniformly.  It's not like she was excluded on principle.