Family drama causing invitation stress...

erinkatie83

Ok, so my fiance's family is kind of nutty and over the last month they have all gone off the deep end. They have waged war on each other over something completely ridiculous, so ridiculous that I won't even go into the details. They are all blowing things way out of proportion. Our wedding is 1yr away and all of the sudden they have divided themselves down the middle. They've been exceptionally mean to each other on FB recently. It's totally embarrassing how they have been childishly attacking each other on a public forum where the whole world can see. It's so bad that I doubt they will ever get over this and in turn may never talk to each other again. They all already had intense relationships. Anyhow now I feel like if we invite people from group A, group B won't come, and vice versa. Ug! My fiance and I have decided they are all nuts and we are staying out of their drama (so far so good by the way). We are hoping it blows over in the next year and then we plan on inviting everyone. I guess at that point it will be up to them to forgive and forget or skip our wedding. What a pain! Any suggestions on ways we can try to help them smooth this over or encourage them all to come and be on their best behavior?

twinkie757

I wouldn't get in the middle of it. It never turns out well. I recommend a destination wedding, then you don't have to worry about inviting loads of people that don't get along.

ohwhynot

Sounds like a nightmare, but you are very,very wise to stay out of it.  If in a year's time there are still two factions, continue being Switzerland and invite everyone.  Anyone who chooses not to attend is ridiculous, and it's their loss, not yours.  

 

PS.  What kind of stuff are we talking about?  I love ridiculous family drama, as long as its not my own.  

twilight.rose

Ditto PPs. Just stay out of it, and hopefully they'll realize how ridiculous they're being. If not, it's their loss if they can't put their differences aside for one day to attend your wedding.

banana468

Ditto staying out of it.

cmustari

I agree that it is wisest to stay out of it.

However, if it continues closer to the date and you or your fiance begin to hear things from close family members like "I'm not going if so and so is going," I would speak up.

Maybe something along the lines of "It is very disappointing that you can not put your differences aside in order to be there for me on one of the biggest days of my life. I wanted to share it with you" etc.

Whatever happens, remember that whether or not "group A" and "group B" can put their differences aside is not up to you, just have a fantastic time planning, being in love, and a fantastic wedding. Good luck! 

mysticl

Let them work (fight) it out.  When it comes to your wedding invite the people you want at your wedding.  If they start the I'm not going if s/he goes crap explain that they are all equally important to you and you hope they will all be there with you on your big day but you understand if they feel they cannot be there.  And then hope they decide to act like grownups and have a seating plan ready. 

marinabreeze

I'm in somewhat of a similar situation in the sense that my family has dealt with its share of drama in the past few years, with a new batch of it cropping up within the past month, and I know that some of my family members really hate each other.  I have made the choice to stay out of all of it, and I intend to invite all of my family members irrespective of their issues.  Of course, my FI and I would love for all of them to be there, and I hope that as adults, they will be able to put that aside for the wedding, but at the same time, if they can't or won't do that, we can't worry about that.  At the end of the day, we can't control how others will act, we can only control how we act.

I don't know the nature of your family drama, and if you and your FI are staying out of it anyway, it doesn't really matter.  Ditto pp's...invite your family members, and let them deal with their issues.  If they try to drag you into it, just let them know that all involved are family, you love them, and you prefer not to be placed in the middle of it.  The dispute will not affect your invites, and you hope that each will be there for you and your FI's big day.  If some decline due to the family drama, then that does suck, but just let them know "I'm sorry you can't make it, we'll miss you there" and leave it at that.  And if both warring factions do make it to the wedding, just try to make sure (to the best of your ability) not to sit them together, so they can be comfortable.and enjoy the day as well.  GL!

pizzanfries4me

I'd say invite everyone and its their choice, or you and your future husband run away and have a great time alone.

squirrly

Stay out of it.  Don't read the crap on FB, and don't think about the drama.  Once you get RSVPs back, if they're still feuding seat the groups separately.  Other than that, though, pretend you don't know about anything.