Church Doesn't Hold Enough People!!

erincutillo

Hello brides,

I am a relatively new member, first time on the etiquette board, but I have a question that I'd like some opinions on.

My wedding is being held at an old historical church, a church that only holds 100 people. This is a problem mainly because right now, our unabridged list has 161 names on it. Our wedding is on a Friday, at 3pm, so I figured that less people would probably show up to the actual wedding. However, a 61-person difference makes me kind of nervous. 

I could either A. Just shrink down the list...this is very hard to do, because 4 people are collaborating and paying for their own people (my mom, my FMIL, my FI, and myself) so nobody wants to cut anyone out. We each have about 40 people. OR B, send out a different invitation, only inviting some people to the wedding and reception and others to the reception only. 

Is this tacky to do???

And finally, I could also do the whole A-list, B-list thing, only send out save-the-dates to the people on the A list and wait for my responses. But I just really don't want to do that.

ANY help or advice would be appreciated!

Thanks in advance!!!

Erin  

amysmomma

Don't invite people to the reception only, the people who get that invite will wonder why they weren't important enough to see your wedding.

As for the A list B list thing, I wouldn't do that either, personally.  People who are on the B list will likely find out that they were on the B list... and well, they'll wonder why.

Since there are 4 different people collaborating/paying for the wedding, why don't you assign 15 people each for each person to cut.  I think that's a fair compromise.  There must be some wiggle room with your guest list, i.e. coworkers, invite singles without a date, distant relatives, etc.

laurenclaire1386

# of arses you invite needs to = number of spots available for said arses. Don't invite people to the reception without inviting them to the wedding. It's rude.

cupcakesfrosting

Ya, definitely don't invite some to only one "event".. Definitely check with the people who are paying, and see if there's some compromise you could reach.

If none of those people are willing to shorten their list, you may need to look for another venue.

lauralaur

I think you're going to have to cut your guest list. I know it sucks, but it's really either that or find a different church.

Lisa8888

Why would you even consider a church that only holds 100 people when you know that you are inviting 161 guests?

It would be very rude to only invite some guests to only the reception.

Either find a new church or cut your guest list down to 100.

kris10royal

PPs have it covered.

Invite only those you can fit in to both.
Don't do a B-list. I've been a B-lister before... people talk, and that couple got nothing from me. Most people don't take to kindly to the idea of being an extra.
Or you can change venues.

ThePinkSuperhero

I think you need to cut your guest list a little.  I think you can probably risk inviting 115-120 (maybe, look over the list and see) and only have 100.

banana468

I think you need to cut your guest list to only those that will fit in the church OR have an extremely intimate ceremony with just your parents and BP (make it under 20 people).  Then invite everyone else to the reception.

If you try to make some cutoff where about half the guests aren't invited to the ceremony, you'll be offending many people.

melissamc2

I think it comes down to one question - which is more important to you, the location or the guests?

microkelly

We had the same problem and solved it by just inviting family to the church and friends/coworkers to the reception. All our friends who actually cared about the ceremony were in the WP. It's actually a really common thing where I live to only be invited to the reception so it's well accepted here. I think it depends on what is acceptable in your area but when people ask me about the ceremony I've always got a good response from them. I'm sure a lot of ppl will disagree with everything I said but I know that FI's college drinking buddies don't mind only being invited to the party. I think this ONLY works though if none of your reception only guests are from out of town. We were lucky in that sense.

I've actually gotten annoyed phone calls from people asking "why aren't your registry listings in the invites" so it really boils down to what is socially acceptable to your guests.

marisah83

I think you're going to have to just cut your guest list.  Have each person involved pick a few from their lists.

I think you'll have hurt feelings if you try the A/B list or invite just to the reception. 

APW2010

For a weekday afternoon wedding, you are going to have A LOT of people skip your ceremony. Before you cut your guests list down, go through it and realistically think of who is going to be free during the day and/or willing to take an afternoon off work to go to your ceremony. Count up how many people you really think will be there and then cut your guest list down to match. As long as you have enough room for everyone you invite at the reception, in this circumstance I think you are not at all limited to only inviting the number of people who will fit in your ceremony, and go ahead and invite well over 100 people.

strlzfan11

I think you need to cut your list down some, but remember that your bridal party members who will be physically standing during the ceremony don't need to count in that 100 person figure because they won't actually need a seat during the ceremony (unless it is you church's policy/practice for the bridal party members to sit during the ceremony).

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_church-doesnt-hold-enough-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:57fe3cd4-2de4-40d6-aa0a-bb3db1022f30Post:45b5e184-0b50-440d-9eda-cb53c6c2c375">Re: Church Doesn't Hold Enough People!!</a>:
[QUOTE]We had the same problem and solved it by just inviting family to the church and friends/coworkers to the reception. All our friends who actually cared about the ceremony were in the WP. It's actually a really common thing where I live to only be invited to the reception so it's well accepted here. I think it depends on what is acceptable in your area but when people ask me about the ceremony I've always got a good response from them. I'm sure a lot of ppl will disagree with everything I said but I know that FI's college drinking buddies don't mind only being invited to the party. I think this ONLY works though if none of your reception only guests are from out of town. We were lucky in that sense. I've actually gotten annoyed phone calls from people asking "why aren't your registry listings in the invites" so it really boils down to what is socially acceptable to your guests.
Posted by microkelly[/QUOTE]


Yeah... no.

BoxOfRocks

Per Emily Post, it is OK to invite more people to the reception than the ceremony.  However, it's not OK to do the reverse (larger wedding, smaller ceremony.)  Her logic is that the wedding itself could justifiably be kept smaller on the grounds that it's more sacred and therefore private.  On the other hand, the reception is a party.

That said, I think the above logic is more clear when your wedding has, say, 10 people and your reception has 200.  A ratio of 100 to 160--that might be harder to explain.

brookelynpaisley

A. is your only viable option. To assume that people won't come to the ceremony is silly, and you can't invite people to one and not the other. Cut your guests list. Or, C. Find a new church