How to be..well.. nice about it

laurenb89

I am on a strict guest list because of the cost of each guest. I need to make it very clear to my guest that RSVP'ing is cruical.
The reason being I have explained to some cousins and more distant relatives that we have had to make several cuts and they are ok with that. But.. if x amounts of guests cant make it I'd like to do a 2nd tier invite list. (yes, I know its questionable and potentially tacky. BUT...we have made hard desicions when comes to the guest list)
So how do I put in "wedding lingo" that guests must RSVP.... or else (jk jk)

NotColloquial

1) It sounds like you already know that what you are doing is a huge violation of etiquette, and have absolutely no intention of correcting yourself. You really should rethink that.

2) There is no "nice" way to do this. People on your "B-list" are going to feel offended, and they have every right to. There is no way around that.

3) The whole point of an RSVP date is that people have to RSVP by it. It's pretty dang self-explanitory. If they aren't going to follow that already, putting a passive-aggressive note isn't going to make they reply faster.

laurenb89

Thanks.
I would think that the RSVP is pretty easy to understand I am just afraid that because its mostly family they will feel like they dont need to RSVP because they are family.
Plus.. about 99% of our family (mine and his) have never had to RSVP an event, because everything is so casual within our families.

mica178

B-lists go against etiquette.

On your RSVP card, you should indicate a date by which guests should respond.  If they do not respond by that set date, you can call them and ask them to give you an answer.

pantherRN

Make sure the date is on your response cards. Give guests a few days beyond that, and then call them.

B lists are tacky and you can upset a lot of people. Just because you had to make hard decisions about who to invite, doesn't make a B list any more accepted or any more OK at all.

Edit: clarification and grammar

laurenb89

sidenote:
after thinking it over. (ie thinking before speaking is a problem of mine)
I dont think a "b list" would work considering the RSVP date on the invites haha

mica178

I'm glad that you've reconsidered, lauren.

pantherRN

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bewell-nice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:580217a0-cd46-44b1-82f8-ffa8cb1eff9fPost:5cc525e8-422c-4a5c-92ad-3511f467646d">Re: How to be..well.. nice about it</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm glad that you've reconsidered, lauren.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

Me too.

ootmother2

Ii was amazed at the speed of the returns!

methinks the MOG did some threateining with her family.  My family jumps on all and any invites,  they''ll party for just about any reason at all!

laurenb89

yes.. yes.. it really doesnt make much sense!! I have had to mondays in a row at work. after 9 hour days i get crazy ideas, and then I have to sit back and say.. really what are you thinking

slwager

and may i say, lauren you did beautifully here.  you asked a question, got a response that wasn't exactly what you wanted to hear and took it into real consideration.

brava!