Bachelor/ette Party Guest List - - POLL

SHELBZ5

I know that with bridal showers, if you're invited to the shower, you're invited to the wedding.  It's simple, right?

BUT, what about a bachelor/ette party?  We've decided to keep our wedding on the smaller side (for us anyway, 200 with 120 being immediate family alone) so many of our friends that are a riot to go out with, didn't make the cut... 
 
I think that although it sucks, etiquette would say the bachelor/ette guest lists have to contain people only from the wedding guest list.  My FI thinks he should be able to have any one he wants at his bachelor party. 

What's the right answer?

JessAndTrav

No, the rule still applies.

I will say that the rule beomes null and void if a friend that wasn't invited to the wedding heard about the party and asked to join in the festivities. But that's only if they ask.

JK10910

In general, it's a no-no.  But some people claim guys don't care as much.  I'd like to say that my FI was invited to an ex-friend's bachelor party but not the wedding, and he cared.  I just think it's inconsiderate.  "Come buy me drinks and food, but sorry, you can't come see me get married..."

ring_pop

Etiquette dictates that anyone invited to any type of pre-wedding event must be invited to the wedding (save for a few exceptions like church showers and office showers).

That being said, I suspect that many guys wouldn't bat an eye at a violation of this etiquette rule for the b-party. That doesn't make it right, but I'm just saying, a lot of guys wouldn't care or know the diff.

JessAndTrav

I paid for my own stuff at my bachelorette party. Hah.

cengle

Some guys don't mind, but I know my DH certainly would. 
And I know my feelings would be hurt if I was invited to the bachelorette party and not the wedding.  I do think it would be rude to invite people to the parties, but not the wedding, since that's the point of all the parties!

FutureMrsTR

The rule still applies.

And I'm always amazed at how loosely people seem to use the term "immediate family".  Do you really have 120 parents, grandparents and siblings put together?

georgia_bride09

Both my husband and I would give the B&G the side-eye if we were only invited to a bachelor/ette party. We would wonder why we didn't make the wedding cut.

JK10910

For what it's worth, if the situation was such that the bride and groom were having family only, or family and super close friends and I wasn't invited but I knew this and the party was local, I'd probably WANT to participate.  Especially if I figured she was  not inviting me to the b-party to be polite since I wasn't invited to the wedding.  But yes, I'd still be a little weirded out if I was invited to the party but not the wedding.  Especially if it wasn't family only.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-guest-list-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:580c163f-fb03-42be-aa1e-241aed2a7cafPost:9b5d4d14-2cbc-4f2f-a110-7ee48f0bb4a9">Re: Bachelor/ette Party Guest List - - POLL</a>:
[QUOTE]Etiquette dictates that anyone invited to any type of pre-wedding event must be invited to the wedding (save for a few exceptions like church showers and office showers). That being said, I suspect that many guys wouldn't bat an eye at a violation of this etiquette rule for the b-party. That doesn't make it right, but I'm just saying, a lot of guys wouldn't care or know the diff.
Posted by ring_pop[/QUOTE]

Ditto that.

ttruehill

Personally, I am not throwing any party for myself, mother throwing a bridal shower and MOH is throwing a Bach party and they all want it to be a surprise ( I don't know when or where),  so with that being said if someone was invited to a pre-wedding party that I didn't have a say so on who was invited then I don't feel like I  have to invite them to the wedding. That just my personal opinion

petdoc2010

I know that my fiance would really be hurt if his friend invited him to a bachelor party and not the wedding.  I just know he would not take it well.  Admittedly, most guys that just want to go to drink and have a few rounds probably won't care.  But if they are like my FI, they will care.

Ditto for myself.  I'd be really put off if someone invited me to the b-party and not the wedding.

That being said, my b-party is in Gainesville where I go to school but the wedding is in Sarasota where I'll be living post-graduation.  I will only make a point of inviting people to the b-party that are invited to the wedding, but knowing how word spreads where I am at, I have a feeling that more people will be at the b-party than are invited, but that is their choice :-)

mhickey426

i think i would be very annoyed if i was invited to the Bach. Party and not the wedding unless it was explained up front.  Then it would be my own choice if i wanted to go and spend money.  On the other hand as a bride i would feel very uncomfortable explaining to someone that i only want to party with them at but not have them at the most important day of my life.  Cause you then have to explaine why their friendship isnt as important to you as your other friend who is invited to the wedding. its a hard situation. i probably wouldnt invite them. if they asked to go thats fine its not like your inviting them to one and not the other you are just letting them come along because they want to.

boydjess

I agree that you shouldn't invite anyone to the bparty who is not invited to the wedding.  I have thought about that since my wedding is about 50 people, mostly family.  Only 3 of my friends are invited to the wedding!  I'm thinking that my SIL will probably be the one throwing my bparty so she may invite some of her friends that I know, they are big partiers and will find any reason to go out and party.  She will have to let them know that they are not invited to the wedding.  I knew this when we decided to do a small wedding with a budget of $5000. 

LauraFrank10

You know, I know many people going through this dilemma, myself included. Some people don't seem to understand that family sizes vary. For example, my fiance's family and mine combine make up 123 people. How? Well when one of the parents is one out of 7 kids, and all of their siblings have three to four kids each, (cousins which you grew up and have been a strong part of your life), the "immediate" family grows in size. Keeping a wedding "small" and "just family" can be nearly impossible.

I hope you find a way to resolve this since I'm going through such a similar situation!

MollySm

I have been wondering this myself.  We are having a small wedding (45) of family and close friends.  There are other friends I'd love to celebrate with beforehand, but money and the venue limit us to 45 for the actual wedding.  We are thinking of inviting the others to celebrate with us for the wedding weekend and the afterparty.  And then also for the bachelor/ette parties.  I would understand not being invited to a wedding, but celebrating beforehand with a not-super-close friend, if I were in that position.

PDXMartha

quite hoenstly, though, why don't you put yourself in the friend's shoes?
Do you want to be good enough to party with them, but have them deam you not good enough to attend their big events?  If you only care to be insignificant in their life, than perhaps they feel the same.  But, really, if that is the case, why bother being friends at all.
I've been invited to showers/bachelorette parties and was really hurt to realize I wasn't actually invited to the wedding.
Any person who does it greedy and selfish.  can't have a small wedding and big parties.  Or, you can, you'll just be affecting your friendships.  They're not idiots, they will notice.
Good luck!
Oh, only way you can get around it - if the party is a surprise and therefore you don't know who's invited.....

trlee26

We had a small destination wedding. I tried to follow the etiquette guidelines but when some of my friends/acquaintences found out about the Vegas Bachelorette party the rules went out the window. I personally think most people would understand if you couldn't invite them to your wedding. I think this rule depends on your crowd. I figure most of you FI's friends would love to go to the Bachelor party and won't be upset that they don't have to dress up for wedding.

Good luck!

Keilaruth

Yeah that would totally suck!!  I would be offended if I was invited to the Bachelorette Party and not the wedding.  My Wedding list is huge too!  It's about 250 and most of that is Aunts Uncles and cousins, my mom has 18 brothers and sisters on her side alone and my fiance's family is pretty big...with a wedding party that big...i think you could squeeze a few more friends in.  to me a small wedding is 75 and under.  100-200 guests is pretty big...plus if you consider them good friends gthey should be invited anyhow.  Close friends over family you hardly EVER see or even talk to.  Just because they're family dosn't automatically make the guest.  Just something to think about.