Need opinions on after party

smallsmp8

Hi Ladies,

 So here is a little backstory: We invited 80 (total guests invited was 150) out-of-town guests to our wedding. Most have to fly, some have to drive.  I would say a majority of those 80 are "mine." I had the thought in my mind early in the planning process that we would host (pay for food, drinks) an after-wedding party the DAY after our wedding for these out-of-town guests, immediate family and the wedding party so we could see them one last time since they made the trip and we rarely get to see them because of distance.

  Here is the issue: FI does not want to invite certain people from our wedding guest list and not others. He is also worried that people simply will not come because they are in town for a short time and have other groups to spend time with than just OUR selected out-of-towners. I asked if there was a few other couples he would like to invite so "his" out-of-town guests would be more likely to come. He is feeling worried that someone will leak about the afterparty and we will start to have people coming up to us asking why they can't come.

  If we had a mansion, and an unlimited budget we would invite EVERYONE on our wedding guest list, but we don't. And I guess my point is that out-of-town guests are making an extra effort to make it to our special day and we should thank them by doing this, not to mention be able to see them one last time.

Thoughts?

scoetto

Yeah I don't think an "exclusive" party is a great idea. People will meet and mingle at the wedding. When an invited guest says something about the "exclusive" party to an uninvited guest at the wedding, that will most likely make the uninvited guest feel like poo. If you decide to have an "exclusive" party, be prepared for a lot of hurt feelings.

danieliza1127

It sounds like you don't need to throw an extra party the day after the wedding because your oot guests will have other friends and family to see anyway.  It's not like they'll just be sitting in a hotel room with nothing to do and nowhere to go.  Unless I'm misunderstanding your question.

Also, even though your intentions are good, people WILL be hurt when they learn that there is another party the next day that they aren't invited to. 

What about just having a casual bbq/cook-out at someone's home the next day and anyone who wants to come by, can?  More like an open house with burgers and hotdogs and stuff like that. 

sarah0725

My brother did a casual party like this where everyone was invited. He called it a rehearsal barbeque, and he had it in a park with lots of delicious food. There was a checkbox to RSVP for the barbeque on the invitation, and it was a really nice time. Most of the people who went were OOT people looking to spend some extra time with the other guests. Could you do something like that and invite all the guests? It shouldn't be too big of a deal to find a picnic grove to accommodate everyone.

jasher1

We ran into a sort of similar problem. 

As previous posters said, I think the best way to do it is to keep it casual and invite people by word of mouth.  If you send an evite to only certain people, then others certainly will feel excluded.  The tricky part, however, is knowing how many to expect at the party/brunch.

In my experience, locals didn't really want to come to the brunch...they had other things to do that day and had already devoted a whole day to the wedding!  It was mostly out of towners who wanted to fit in a little more visiting time before their flights out.

georgetteh

I am having this same dilemma.  My wedding is going to be dry (which was a long and hard decison) for family and professional reasons.

However, I have friends that are flying in that I only get to see once or twice a year.  A friend has offered to let us go and have drinks at her house afterwards with a few people and I would love to spend some more time with out of towners.  My wedding is pretty large (I anticipate about 600 folks) and I may not get to spend as much time with those friends as I would like, and it would be nice to drink some champagne with them. 
We are having an open house the next day that everyone is invited to, where we are planning on opening presents.
I am pretty sure that there is going to be this exclusive "after-party" but how much flack do you think there will be?