Can we play "Who's the idiot here"?

ohwhynot

My fi goes to a weekly jam and mentioned to a couple of the musicians there that we were engaged.  One guy asked the date and fi told him.  Well, last night the guy comes up to fi and says "I check the calendar - we can make it!" 

We weren't planning on inviting this guy.   Is it a faux pas to even mention that you're getting married to people you don't plan on inviting to the wedding?  Is there a better way to say "We'd love to invite everyone, but we just can't do that.  Thanks for thinking of us, though!" 

shellydiane820

Not if he asks.  I wouldn't go around parading your wedding to people who aren't invited, but if they are asking you don't want to be rude.

FutureMrsTR

I think mentioning your engagement is perfectly fine.  You shouldn't discuss detailed wedding plans with people you're not planning on inviting. 

It was rude of this guy to assume he's invited.  If he asks again, I would give the line about budget/space constraints or something so that he gets the hint that he shouldn't be expecting an invitation in the mail.

ac_in_dc

I don't think you guys did anything wrong etiquette wise.  A good lesson to be very careful how you talk about the wedding.

In your FI's case I think the easiest way to dodge inviting this guy may be to indirectly blame you or your parents for controlling the guest list.

SarahPLiz

Lots of people have asked me when the wedding is. All of my coworkers know because its on the office calendar that I'll be out around that time.  That doesn't mean they are invited, and they know they aren't. Its rude of them to expect an invitation.

I've had several people be passive agressive and actually say, "I don't expect an invitiation, but..." I always say, " Yes, we are having family only."

becandjim10

Did he mean we can make it as in he and his spouse or "we" as in the band? Weekly jam session I assume you mean there in a band.

ohwhynot

He meant he and his wife.  Fi is in a band, but this particular jam is open to whoever wants to stop by.  We're also not asking his own band to play at our reception, which may be causing some hurt feelings.  We're trying to soothe those over by telling the band members that we don't want any of our friends to be "working" at our reception.  That may or may not fly - we'll see.

baby green bird

Um? TR. OOPS, that's not what we are doing. My bad.