Sorry ladies to bring this back again, but I keep thinking this issue has died and it seems that some drama has zombie tendencies...
Quick history... Bridesmaid got pissed and threw a tantrum when she asked me if I'd be comfortable with her bringing her married (not separated, nor divorced, nor in an open marriage... fully married with a poor unfortunate clueless wife) "boyfriend" to my wedding and I answered honestly that as he was still married I would prefer for him not to be there. She sent some hurtful e-mails calling me judgmental etc... and in the end it came down to that I wanted her to be in the wedding, but I wasn't saying it was okay to bring the guy and the ball was in her court if she wanted to come or not. I waited and no response... So I called and she wouldn't answer. Finally I sent her a message saying that I'd like her to be there, but I needed to make the final plans and if she didn't get back to me by a certain date I'd assume that she didn't want to be in the wedding. It seemed a fair assupmtion that if she won't talk to me that she wouldn't want to come.
This girl had been like a sister and I had to explain to my mom what was going on. My mom told my aunt and just the other day told my grandma so that I wouldn't have to answer questions on my wedding about why the bridesmaid wasn't there.
I also had to explain to my sister and my one other bridesmaid after the bridesmaid with the married boyfriend bailed on my bachelorette by sending them a text message stating "I think its best if I don't come" when they were trying to figure out where she was.
Okay, I tried, I sent nice messages, I begged, I cried, and then I reached the acceptance point and moved forward. I had to send the introduction list to my DJ, my sister-in-law has made and printed the programs, I've sent my seating chart in and made the bridesmaid hair appointments.
Now 10 Days before my wedding I get a message that says "I have been thinking a lot lately and I would like to be a part of your wedding. I decided that it wasn't fair to be upset that you weren't considering my feelings if I wasn't considering yours... I am still very emotional about it and I would just ask that its not brought up at your wedding because I honestly can't handle it"
I didn't feel happy reading this message like I expected I would, I honestly felt pissed... Maybe that makes me a bad person, maybe it makes me just human. She said nasty things to me, bailed on my bachelorette, and dropped out of my wedding causing my stress level to go through the roof and making me cry that someone I considered to be a good friend would do that and now just based on that text message I'm supposed to pretend nothing happened and have her as part of my wedding party? Oh, and also make sure nobody mentions that she dropped out before and the reason why.
So what do I do from here? Do I say "sure all is forgotten" and go try and remake her hair appointment, hope the programs haven't been printed, update the introduction list and try to add someone else to the seating chart and final payment? Do I say "you can attend as a guest, but XYZ has already been done so you can't be a bridesmaid"? I think it's considered bad manners to kick a bridesmaid out, but I wasn't sure. Option 3 is to say I'm still really hurt and emtional myself and I don't want you there, but that would equal the complete death of the friendship and I don't think I want to do that.
Advice would be greatly appreciated. Everything was coming together nicely. I was hurt, but I moved forward and it wasn't going to spoil FI and my day. Now I feel like a bomb has been dropped and my stress level is way up because I may have to redo everything and deal with a bridesmaid who I don't exactly feel comfortable with right now.