Too much family (long)

dalralmi

I am having Processional issues right now.

Groom has 3 immediate family members (a surviving grandmother and mom and dad)

I have a ton (1 brother, 2 half brothers, 2 step brothers, Mom [has Boyfriend], dad and stepmom, step mom's parents,  2 widowed grandmothers, and one "step-grandmother" who is also widowed from my mom's dad.)

We are not having ushers so I thought I'd use the groomsmen to escort the first three Grandmothers down the asile and suplement with my blood brothers (my step-brothers probably won't make it nor care so much).  Thought of this order.

1.  my step grandparents, my mom's stepmother, Groom's mom, my dad's mom, my mom's mom

2.  Step-mom, Groom's mom, My mom

Well my mom recently said don't even bother including her step-mom (major discourse between her and my actual grandmother) on the assumption that I'm never really called her "grandma" and so don't even worry about including her.  I feel like not inlcuding her (when she's been a part of my entire life) seems kind of rude...  especially if I include my step mom's parents.  I would also feel rude not including them.  But if I HAD to I guess I could just settle for the two grandparents and then the groom's grandmother.  It jsut seems kind of rude/odd.  What is proper ettiqutte on this?  Is it rude not to include my mom's stepmom when she has been my grandmother my whole life and yet inlcude my stepmom's parents who I've only known for significantly less time?

Second off... My mom has now INSISTED I have ALL three of her son's escort her down the aisle.  This seems RIDICULOUS when no one else will be having three (let alone two) escorts.  Of course in her mind it's due to "having" to "choose" between them.  At this point I don't think she would settle for ANY other escort (best man, groom, her BF, etc...) she basically has set her foot down that ALL three of her sons must escort her cause it will make her day.  I fear this will look tacky and vein?  Plus how do three people escort ONE person?  I've tried to tell my mom this but she won't listen and feels this will not be an issue at all.  

Also she is of the impression that her BF and my brothers should all sit in the same row with her.  Which is fine except for that fact that all my brothers have dates to which she replied.. well then the dates should have no basis in this.. and should sit somewhere else (including her BF).  I think it's VERy weird to have someone invite you to a wedding and then not be able to sit with your guest/date.. especially my brothers.  (I'm sure I could navigate them sitting behind them if I have to)... but at this point I've reserved like 5 or 6 rows of my side SOLELY for family immediate family.. and my groom's would just have one or two.  [the majority of my guest list is all family and a few friends after i include aunts and uncles and cousins, my grooms list is majority friends and only a few family]

I also feel my family members would be INSULTED (they are that type of family) if they had to sit on the "wrong" side no matter how much it was said there is no "side" and everyone sits together.  

I feel like my mom is So overwhelmed with the fact that all my brothers will be home in one place together that she is hijacking them.... It doesn't matter what I say.  

At this point I thought to just use the groomsmen entirely and not my brothers... but I still think my mom will INSIST they escort her.  

So any advice?

EDIT:  My mom and dad and step mom all get along fine.  My mom's mom normally will not go ANYWHERE my mom's step mom is.  She refused to be at my cousin's birht solely because my grandfather and her were going to be there.  It took a LOT of finangling to get her to agree to come.  Everyone else gets along fine.

dalralmi

No not a church wedding.  And not real "wedding planner"  I am planning on hiring an event planner for the day to make sure everything runs smoothly... but for the most part.. I've never even heard of someone else "putting the processional" together.  I also don't think my mom would except the answer "I had nothing to do with it" since the bride can practically demand anything they wanted.

lyndausvi

With that many grands I would just do the procession with only the mom, step-mom and FIL.

Escorts?   I would just give mom her 3 sons, step-mom her son, FMIL (even if it's your FI - my FI escort my MIL down).   IMO it's not worth the argument and gives her a little carrot.    My mom was escort by my 2 nephews, so having more than one is not a big deal.

As far as seating I would have mom, BF, dad and step mom in the first row.  Siblings the next row back.

dalralmi

I'm assuming FI is either father in Law or Fiance?  Is it odd to have the groom escorting anyone?  

I actually didn't want to have the grandparents paraded down... I was told from my step-mom this is expected and should happen.  I may just have the Groomsmen ushers seat them as they arrive on row three.  This seems most logical and easier.  and leaves only the three 'mom's' for the processional.

it also appears most agree that letting my mom have her "moment" is best... I just didn't know if it's tacky... but at this point.. It's not worth a fight with my mother...

Seating is still tricky.. but I'll have to see what the setup is to determine how many seats per row.  

Thank you for reassuring me that it will be fine!

lyndausvi

My brothers both escorted my mom at their weddings.  My DH escorted MIL at ours.   I didn't think it was odd.  I thought it was sweet.     Most brides walk down with their dad or parents, why would it be weird for a groom to walk down with his mom?

Kate61487

Are all the grandparents in good health and mobile?  We had grandparents as part of the processional (though it was just g-ma/g-pa together and then other g-ma with an usher) but I considered not doing it b/c my grandfather's not the steadiest on his feet these days.  With that many people to get down the ailse I'd probaby just give them corsages and let them be seated as they arrive.  If anyone's uncomfortable that's just an extra excuse to give step-mom.

Three escorts with your mom might be a little awkward, but I agree that as long as your brothers are onboard that's not worth the fight.  Just make sure your aisle is wide enough for 4 people and if it's not maybe that will convince her...

I also agree that your brothers should get to sit with their GFs, but I might let mom and brothers fight that out / let it happen naturally.  I don't think my brother sat with his GF... he escorted my mom and was in the second row with her and I don't think his GF was up there.  She totally could have been (I certainly wouldn't have minded), but I think she actually ended up sitting further back with some of my brother's friends since as an usher he was occupied doing photos and stuff before. Even if the 3 bros and 3 gfs are given a row together it may end up with the three girls next to each other and then the three boys since the girls might be chatting before / the guys slide into the row after the procession. Probably not worth getting involved.

hoffse

Only thing I have to add is to stop worrying about who escorts your mom.  Let her have what she wants.  Her portion of the procession will take less than 30 seconds, you won't see it, and most people will think it's nice she wanted to have all her sons included.  I've seen brides be escorted down by two parents before, and most people thought it was sweet and then promptly forgot about it.  I promise you almost nobody pays attention to the parents.

Kristan is right - pick your battles.  There are so many other hills to die on, and this is not one of them.