No showers or parties?

julietdelta

I guess I'm kind of unsure about the whole shower/party scene.  I'm getting married in my hometown which is practically across the country from where I'm living now. 

The vast majority of my friends and family are all back "home". I have very *very* few friends where I'm at now and my FI's family are great...but I don't think they really think about these kinds of things... Heck, his mom hasn't even asked about helping plan or anything (which I guess is a godsend for some ladies). 

So...I'm not sure about all these showers are parties you're "supposed" to have.  I don't get home more than once a year just because of cost so I don't think flying back and spending money that we could be putting towards the wedding just for a party is very practical... I also don't think it would be right to ask my mom/grandmother/BM and BF to fly out here and then host a party for me... 

So I guess the big question is .. Is it OK to NOT have these parties?  I would love to do them and spend time with my friends and fam...but it's a financial and logistical nightmare.  

Also, since there will most likely not be a shower or other party, what is the best way to share our registry information and things like that?  I understand it's considered very rude to include that info with the invitations. 

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_showers-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:59de5a31-87cc-435a-9dd5-ffafbeb597caPost:9ce0dfd0-0788-45c7-8975-53de6933a8b9">No showers or parties?</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I'm kind of unsure about the whole shower/party scene.  I'm getting married in my hometown which is practically across the country from where I'm living now.  The vast majority of my friends and family are all back "home". I have very *very* few friends where I'm at now and my FI's family are great...but I don't think they really think about these kinds of things... Heck, his mom hasn't even asked about helping plan or anything (which I guess is a godsend for some ladies).  So...I'm not sure about all these showers are parties you're "supposed" to have.  I don't get home more than once a year just because of cost so I don't think flying back and spending money that we could be putting towards the wedding just for a party is very practical... I also don't think it would be right to ask my mom/grandmother/BM and BF to fly out here and then host a party for me...  So I guess the big question is .. Is it OK to NOT have these parties?  I would love to do them and spend time with my friends and fam...but it's a financial and logistical nightmare. :(  Also, since there will most likely not be a shower or other party, what is the best way to share our registry information and things like that?  I understand it's considered very rude to include that info with the invitations. 
Posted by julietdelta[/QUOTE]
It's absolutely okay to pass on a shower.  They're optional.  As far as your registry info, they're so common that people will ask where you're registered so word of mouth is fine.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_showers-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:59de5a31-87cc-435a-9dd5-ffafbeb597caPost:9ce0dfd0-0788-45c7-8975-53de6933a8b9">No showers or parties?</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I'm kind of unsure about the whole shower/party scene.  I'm getting married in my hometown which is practically across the country from where I'm living now.  The vast majority of my friends and family are all back "home". I have very *very* few friends where I'm at now and my FI's family are great...but I don't think they really think about these kinds of things... Heck, his mom hasn't even asked about helping plan or anything (which I guess is a godsend for some ladies).  So...I'm not sure about all these showers are parties you're "supposed" to have.  I don't get home more than once a year just because of cost so I don't think flying back and spending money that we could be putting towards the wedding just for a party is very practical... I also don't think it would be right to ask my mom/grandmother/BM and BF to fly out here and then host a party for me...  So I guess the big question is .. Is it OK to NOT have these parties?  I would love to do them and spend time with my friends and fam...but it's a financial and logistical nightmare. :(  Also, since there will most likely not be a shower or other party, what is the best way to share our registry information and things like that?  I understand it's considered very rude to include that info with the invitations. 
Posted by julietdelta[/QUOTE]

<div>You never ask anyone to throw you a shower, regardless of where you live.  If someone really wants to throw you one, they could do it the week of your wedding when you're home.  </div><div>
</div><div>Just list your registry info on your wedding website, and people can spread it via word of mouth. </div>

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_showers-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:59de5a31-87cc-435a-9dd5-ffafbeb597caPost:9ce0dfd0-0788-45c7-8975-53de6933a8b9">No showers or parties?</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I'm kind of unsure about the whole shower/party scene.  I'm getting married in my hometown which is practically across the country from where I'm living now.  The vast majority of my friends and family are all back "home". I have very *very* few friends where I'm at now and my FI's family are great...but I don't think they really think about these kinds of things... Heck, his mom hasn't even asked about helping plan or anything (which I guess is a godsend for some ladies).  So...I'm not sure about all these showers are parties you're "supposed" to have.  <strong>You can always say no thank you when someone offers to throw you a shower if you do not want one. </strong>I don't get home more than once a year just because of cost so I don't think flying back and spending money that we could be putting towards the wedding just for a party is very practical... I also don't think it would be right to ask my mom/grandmother/BM and BF to fly out here and then host a party for me...  So I guess the big question is .. Is it OK to NOT have these parties?  <strong>It is perfectly okay not to have any bridal showers or other pre-wedding parties thrown in your honor. </strong>I would love to do them and spend time with my friends and fam...but it's a financial and logistical nightmare. :(  Also, since there will most likely not be a shower or other party, what is the best way to share our registry information and things like that?  I understand it's considered very rude to include that info with the invitations. 
Posted by julietdelta[/QUOTE]

I do have one question: if you are getting married in your hometown, but only get back there once per year or so, then how are you planning a wedding there? Is your Mom or someone doing everything for you?

I also got married in my hometown, 10 hours away from where we live now, and we made several trips home to take care of wedding related things. It even included one flight home for my bridal shower b/c H didn't want me driving by myself.

smokeybailey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_showers-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:59de5a31-87cc-435a-9dd5-ffafbeb597caPost:6abdda5d-722f-4562-b9be-598fb6ed8bda">Re: No showers or parties?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to No showers or parties? : I do have one question:<strong> if you are getting married in your hometown, but only get back there once per year or so, then how are you planning a wedding there</strong>? Is your Mom or someone doing everything for you? I also got married in my hometown, 10 hours away from where we live now, and we made several trips home to take care of wedding related things. It even included one flight home for my bridal shower b/c H didn't want me driving by myself.
Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]

I'm having my wedding in Vegas and many, many of the women on there have never been and won't go until their wedding day and have no trouble planning the wedding from afar.

If it comes up and you can't afford to fly out, OP, do a Skype shower or something like that.  Or squeeze the shower into the days before the wedding.  Simply fly home a day earlier.

julietdelta

We're using our annual trip(s) to get in as much planning and organizing as possible and my mom and BM have volunteered (no I did not ask or try to force them) to help. 

Between phone calls, photos, and the power of the internet I'm confident the big event will be wonderful.  

It's all the little stuff (like hearing about and reading how people expect you to be having all these parties) that I'm just like WTH!

We're not having a big wedding. I'm pretty sure that all said and done we'll have less than 70 people to invite. 

And I don't know why anyone thinks that I'm asking my family to throw me parties...I've just noticed that it seems to be a common happening and if I am offered one, I don't want to be rude to decline because of financial and logistical problems or to ask if we could schedule it when everyone is in town for the wedding. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I was in a similar situation. My friends and family are dispersed throughout the country and I just didn't have a shower. My friends aren't really "shower people" anyway. Anything planned in the city I currently live in would have been very small, and anything my mom planned would have also been small and mostly family, and I would have had to fly to it. My BMs planned a weekend away for my bachelorette party, which was nice, but again, not necessary.

We didn't have a website or anything, we just told people where we were registered if they asked. And I'm sure some found out on their own (google or asking other people). My coworkers did some internet sleuthing and found out where we were registered and bought me a gc, for example.  The registry isn't that important in the long run. If people find it and use it (and people will suspect you are registered somewhere since they're common) then great. If they give you some other gift or cash, that's fine too.

julietdelta

Thanks, ladies. 

I really just want this whole process to be as easy on everyone as possible. (myself included)

I know I go straight for the registry when friends get married bc I figure "hey, this is stuff they actually want!"...but yes, I will certainly be happy and thankful with anything my guests decided to give us for the wedding. 

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_showers-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:59de5a31-87cc-435a-9dd5-ffafbeb597caPost:b6c121b1-1e39-4a2d-92fe-3d9104e48351">Re: No showers or parties?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're using our annual trip(s) to get in as much planning and organizing as possible and my mom and BM have volunteered (no I did not ask or try to force them) to help.  Between phone calls, photos, and the power of the internet I'm confident the big event will be wonderful.   It's all the little stuff (like hearing about and reading how people expect you to be having all these parties) that I'm just like WTH! We're not having a big wedding. I'm pretty sure that all said and done we'll have less than 70 people to invite.  <strong>And I don't know why anyone thinks that I'm asking my family to throw me parties...</strong>I've just noticed that it seems to be a common happening and if I am offered one, I don't want to be rude to decline because of financial and logistical problems or to ask if we could schedule it when everyone is in town for the wedding. 
Posted by julietdelta[/QUOTE]

I think this sentence could be throwing people off:

<em>I also don't think it would be right to ask my mom/grandmother/BM and BF to fly out here and then host a party for me..</em>.

Depending on how it's read, it does kind of sound like the word "ask" could apply for the remainder of the sentence.

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_showers-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:59de5a31-87cc-435a-9dd5-ffafbeb597caPost:b6c121b1-1e39-4a2d-92fe-3d9104e48351">Re: No showers or parties?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're using our annual trip(s) to get in as much planning and organizing as possible and my mom and BM have volunteered (no I did not ask or try to force them) to help.  Between phone calls, photos, and the power of the internet I'm confident the big event will be wonderful.   It's all the little stuff (like hearing about and reading how people expect you to be having all these parties) that I'm just like WTH! We're not having a big wedding. I'm pretty sure that all said and done we'll have less than 70 people to invite.  And I don't know why anyone thinks that I'm asking my family to throw me parties...I've just noticed that it seems to be a common happening and if I am offered one, I don't want to be rude to decline because of financial and logistical problems or <strong>to ask if we could schedule it when everyone is in town for the wedding.</strong> 
Posted by julietdelta[/QUOTE]

I'm still not sure from your posts whether you would like to have a shower and are lamenting the fact that you're too far away, or looking for a way to get out of one that has been offered without being rude.

If you would like to have a shower and are looking for ways to make it work, I don't think it's rude to ask the people who offered to throw it to do it at a time when you are available, even the week of the wedding. You could do a shower and bach party on the same day, even. I'm currently living about 900 miles away from home, but it so happens that a two-week fellowship thingy is bringing me in the vicinity of home about two months before the wedding, so I asked the party planners to schedule the shower then. Not a problem.

A word on the registry, since you asked about that: People don't need a shower to find out where you're registered. You can put that info on a wedding website and give people the URL to the website, or people can call your mom and ask. Registries are spread by word of mouth, usually.

lavenderfields13

Like PP have said registry info will definitely spread by word of mouth. I'm NEY but when I am..as of right now I don't really want a shower. I know they're the norm but I just don't like the idea of having a separate party for people to 'shower us with gifts'. Idk maybe I'm weird. Definitely no offense against the many people that have them and want them.
But I have heard that people at least expect you to have a registry in case they want to give you something and not give cash.
So I would def have a registry-people will ask those closest to you and they can spread the word if you dont end up having a shower

mob2689

We toyed with idea for my daughter, in a simular situation but different @ the same time.
 
We opted not to have one because of logistics and timing. Am I bummed as the MOB?, yes  but I see NO way of pulling it off We orig. had over a year to plan, but due to him being trasfered to another country we only have 3 months and now down to 2 months

We will, however; have a "Welcome Back Home" party when they come back stateside. His and her are miles and miles away from us. The MOG and I live closer to each other then our kids do to us.