Wedding Etiquette Forum

Desntination wedding...how do I deal with gifts?

My Fiancee and I are having a destination wedding this September. My questions is - what do we do about gifts? People are not going to want to bring them all the way to the wedding (and then WE take them back!). I've talked to a few friends who have simply asked for no gifts - which I think is a great idea. However, future-hubby wants money instead of gifts. Is there any polite way to ask for this? Or should we say "no gifts"?

Thanks so much!
-Cathy
crbrabeck@gmail.com

Re: Desntination wedding...how do I deal with gifts?

  • You should probably edit your post to remove your email address.   You could get all kinds of interesting emails otherwise.

    No, you can't directly mention anything about gifts (even no gifts please) on the invitation and you can't ask for cash.  Your family can help spread the word should people ask where you're registered:  "Oh, they're saving up for a house" or whatever.  Most people are going to do cash without prompting since it is a DW and cash is convenient for them and you.  However, if people do show up with boxed gifts, it's definitely on you to get them home.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
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    06.10.10

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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You can't say "no gifts" as it is rude to expect gifts. You can't ask for money, that is very rude too. Proper etiquette is to send gifts to the couple's house, not to the wedding itself because of the reason it causes headaches for the B & G. The guests should also be smart enough to realize the issue because it is a destination wedding. Plus have the WP, the moms, or other gabby relative pass on the word that gifts should be sent to your house not given at the wedding. But if you want money, just have a very small registry and guests will get the hint that money is preferred. And or have the above gabby relative tell people that you two are saving for x.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • Most people know not to bring gifts to a DW.  They'll send them to the couple's home before or after the wedding.  However, if you do receive random gifts at the wedding, you will have to fit them in your luggage or ship them home.
  • I think most people would have enough common sense not to bring gifts to a DW.  They would have them shipped to your home after the wedding or bring you cash.  However, you really shouldn't say no gifts or ask for cash.  If you like you can have your family help spread the word, but you shouldn't say anything on the invite about wanting cash.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_desntination-weddinghow-deal-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5a403745-d9be-4717-a2b7-57c492fcc2efPost:52fb5ced-4952-4d08-accc-c2c7900aa8ec">Re: Desntination wedding...how do I deal with gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just don't register anywhere. We didn't have any kind of registry, and ended up getting mostly cash.
    Posted by tpender13[/QUOTE]

    Some people will want to give you a physical gift. Not registering means taking your chances that Aunt Ginny wants to buy you that horrible vase that she thinks would look great in your house because she has no guidance on what you'd actually like...

    Do a small registry, people will get the hint. Also outside of at showers (if you're having one) many of the DW girls have commented that even with a larger registry they tended to get more cash simply because it was easier with the DW for a lot of the guests rather than figuring out getting a gift to you...
  • I hope this clarifies it more, because as a clueless girl I needed it explained like this:

    While you cannot put any messages/print out there (ie. "no gifts please," or "we prefer cash," or "we are registered at..."), you CAN however answer people when they ask specifically in regards to gifts.  THEN you can answer them with what you wish.  It's the putting of the message out there prior to any asking that people say is rude.

    I doubt that people will travel with a gift because airlines don't let you travel with wrapped gifts anyway (and who would wrap a gift in their hotel?), so I'd think they'll just bring cash or mail you something to your house.
  • Just don't register anywhere. We didn't have any kind of registry, and ended up getting mostly cash.
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  • How "destination" is your wedding?  If it is far and expensive for guests to travel, they probably won't get you gifts anyway.  So you might not have to worry about it!
  • We had a DW and some gifts were sent to our home off our small registry, but the majority of what we got at the wedding was cards with money. Some people didn't give anything, which was perfectly fine we were happy enough they coud make the trip. We had 3 physical gifts at the wedding - 2 bottles of wine and one dutch oven. BIL took the dutch oven home for us, we hung onto the wine.
  • I would plan with a parent of close family or friend to have gifts sent to a certain house (where someone will for sure be to take them in while you are away).  It will get around by word of mouth
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