Should we invite him?

orangehills

Yet another question! So, since we did decide to cut our wedding significantly, to only wedding party and family, FI wanted 1 other guy to be there for him- so that we each have 2 friends there. Problem is, he is his sister's ex bf. They dated a long time and she is uncomfortable with him being there because he is still in love withe her and acting a little strange I guess. Since there will only be around 14 people- should we give in to her request and not have him be a part of it? He doesn't know about the change yet so he could think he's just part of everyone else being cut as well. He and my FI are good friends and I really like him as well - he's been a good friend to us. Part of me wants to just say- well you have to deal with it for a few hours and part of me is kind of like- I can get where she is coming from. What do you think?

Loopyseven

If your FI really wants this guy to be there, I'd expect FSIL to suck it up and act like an adult for an evening.

DramaGeek

For me it depends.  Are we talking typical break up or are we talkingobsessive stalker-like behavior.  if it's typical break up then I'd expect them to both act like adults.  If it's stalker-like behavior...well, I'd probably be finding a new friend :-P

Daizy106

yes. she needs to be an adult. I am in a similar situation. My fiances best friend and my best friend were dating for 6 years. they broked up about 6 months ago and they are both in the wedding party. my friend already told me that she won't act up at the wedding bc he is there. She didn't have to tell me that bc i know her as a person, she is mature and can handle a situation like that. i also know that my fiances best friend wont act up either. people just need to be adults and either be civil, hello, good bye or not speak at all. just as long as you can trust they don't make a scene and make other people uncomfortable than he should be invited. if you FSIL gets mad than i would just let it be. she would be acting very selfish if she gets upset.

orangehills

It wasn't a crazy breakup- they were still friendly for a long time- like for a year after. I don't really know what's going on now. Her reasoning is that she wants to bring a date- which isn't going to happen because we aren't doing plus ones (I mean, we will of course if they are in a relationship, but just to bring a date- no.) He has already told us he will act just fine and normal, and I know he will, and he said even if he was in a relationship he wouldn't bring that person out of respect for his ex. So I think it may be her that would be the one who feels uncomfortable and awkward and she is the family. But then, I don't want to give in either. I don't know!

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-we-invite-him?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5aaf5edd-3b0c-4918-8550-718bf06b3c97Post:fc95195c-e78a-43cd-811f-9c071bcdb307">Re: Should we invite him?</a>:
[QUOTE]It wasn't a crazy breakup- they were still friendly for a long time- like for a year after. I don't really know what's going on now. Her reasoning is that she wants to bring a date- which isn't going to happen because we aren't doing plus ones (I mean, we will of course if they are in a relationship, but just to bring a date- no.) He has already told us he will act just fine and normal, and I know he will, and he said even if he was in a relationship he wouldn't bring that person out of respect for his ex. So I think it may be her that would be the one who feels uncomfortable and awkward and she is the family. But then, I don't want to give in either. I don't know!
Posted by orangehills[/QUOTE]

<div>I think in this case your FI really needs to talk to his sister and make the final decision.  If they can both act like adults, that's great.  But this is his call, not yours.  It's his sister and his friend.</div>

Calypso1977

id probably side with the sister in this instance given the intimacy of the event.

does your FI want 2 friends there only becuase you have 2 friends or does he really want this person there?  if its just to keep things "even" then all the more reason not to.

orangehills

You know, I'm not sure- This guy thinks of my FI as a brother and has been so excited for us and has already bought him a day of gift. But you're right- I'll have FI talk to his sister and then he can make the final decision- I'll just back him up!