What would you want (a bit long)?

Elsie1204

I've been asked to be in a wedding this fall. The bride has picked out dresses & is going to order them soon as they will take 12 weeks to arrive. She will then ship the dress to me (as I live a ways away from the store) The problem is that DH & I had thought about trying for #2 this summer & are on a bit of a tight schedule due to an impending move (meaning I'd just postpone by a couple months, but can't really if I want to have this baby where I am, which I would rather do than try to find a new Dr. a month or two before the due date). I can't decide if I should tell the bride or not, because 1.) we might not be PG by then OR 2.)We might be PG, but so early that I won't be showing. My only concern is what if I am PG & can't fit into the BM dress? I don't want to add any stress to her life for nothing, because it really could be for nothing. 
As a bride would you want to know that there is an outside chance one of you BMs could be PG & might be too big for her dress? Or would you rather not know until it is a for sure thing? I could give her enough time if I needed to order a bigger size or something.

Brie2010

One of my BMs will be about 12 weeks pregnant at our wedding.  She knew they were going to start trying, and ordered her dress a size larger than she needed as a non-pregnant person, figuring that she could always get it taken in if they didn't get PG.  It worked out perfectly--the larger size dress will fit her almost exactly.

I wouldn't say anything, I'd just order larger.  If you don't get PG, you can always just get the dress taken in.

kikibaby

Hm, I think I'd want to know that it's a possiblity so I could have a backup plan.

Pirata13

Can you order the dress a size bigger and have alterations if you're not PG then?  It'd possibly cost you a bit if you aren't PG but might be worth if you think a size or two up would provide the extra room you might need if you are.  If that would work with the cut of the dress and all, I would say tell her you are TTC and that you want to order up from your usual size to give you some extra fabric to work with if needed.

danieliza1127

In my opinion, once the dress is yours, it's your concern not hers.  So if you were pregnant and just big enough that the dress was too tight, it would be on you to have it altered and let out or to order a new dress.  The way you wrote it sounded like you think it would be on her to do that, and it's not.

As far as whether to tell her or not, I don't know. If you really would only be a month to three months pregnant by her wedding at the most, then I don't see the need to stress her out about it.  You wouldn't be showing.  If you were going to be pregnant enough to not fit in the dress, then yeah you might want to let her know. 

opalsky007

I agree with just quietly ordering a size larger. The alterations to take it in if you don't need the extra room will be less than the cost of the new dress you'd need if you do outgrow your current size.

Brie2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-want-bit-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ad76e09-de46-4bf6-98e4-bd7431b9498ePost:630d6d91-92a4-4a37-a5ed-ebcf51693b46">Re: What would you want (a bit long)?</a>:
[QUOTE]In my opinion, once the dress is yours, it's your concern not hers.  So if you were pregnant and just big enough that the dress was too tight, it would be on you to have it altered and let out or to order a new dress.  The way you wrote it sounded like you think it would be on her to do that, and it's not. As far as whether to tell her or not, I don't know. I<strong>f you really would only be a month to three months pregnant by her wedding at the most, then I don't see the need to stress her out about it.  You wouldn't be showing</strong>.  If you were going to be pregnant enough to not fit in the dress, then yeah you might want to let her know. 
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

To be fair, this is different for everyone.  My BM is only 10 weeks PG at this point but it's definitely changed her body--her boobs are bigger and she has a definite stomach pooch that wasn't there before.

danieliza1127

Also, it kind of depends on the bride.  Is she the type of person who would freak out or stress over it, or is she the type of person that would just be happy for you and easy going?  I had 3 pregnant BMs, two had the babies before the wedding and one was supposed to be 8 months pregnant AT the wedding.  We just waited until the last possible moment to order her dress so we could see how big she would be.  Then she had the baby 3 days before the wedding and couldn't be there.  Through it all, I was totally easy going about the whole thing trusting we would get it all figured out, and we did.  I have a friend who was the opposite when her BM got pregnant and it was a VERY stressful time for my pregnant friend.

tidetravel

Just order a size larger and take care of the alterations on your own, once you receive the dress.  There's no need for you to mention it.

Elsie1204

I couldn't try the dress on since I'm not close enough, but I ordered what I thought would be one size bigger than I would need. However, that is always hard when you can't try on the dress & have to go by measurements. Plus, I know what size I was with my first, but I've heard that people can get bigger faster with #2, so I have no way of knowing what my body will do.

I know that if I don't fit into the dress that is already ordered I will pay for another one, not her, as this is my decision to get PG. 

She is a fairly easy going bride so I think she could definitely take it in stride.

Elsie1204

Oh, & thanks so much for the comments. They definitely helped!

september's bride

I'd probably let her know that you're planning on trying, and then just order a size or two up. Unless you get pregnant earlier than expected, it's probably not going to be something a bigger dress can't fix for you.

andyandhillary

Agreed with PPs.  My only other thing to add is that you may want to order up to two sizes bigger, depending on how much bigger you got with your last pregnancy.  One of my FSIL hardly got bigger while pregnant and the other got much bigger.  I would just take that into consideration and be honest with yourself, to avoid being in a dress too small. 

Brie2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-want-bit-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ad76e09-de46-4bf6-98e4-bd7431b9498ePost:7b3218d5-6711-4678-b4e7-c33904be7727">Re: What would you want (a bit long)?</a>:
[QUOTE]I couldn't try the dress on since I'm not close enough, but I ordered what I thought would be one size bigger than I would need. However, that is always hard when you can't try on the dress & have to go by measurements. Plus, I know what size I was with my first, but I've heard that people can get bigger faster with #2, so I have no way of knowing what my body will do. I know that if I don't fit into the dress that is already ordered I will pay for another one, not her, as this is my decision to get PG.  She is a fairly easy going bride so I think she could definitely take it in stride.
Posted by Elsie1204[/QUOTE]

FWIW, my pregnant BM had to call in her measurements as well and didn't get to try the dress on.  It worked out really well for her, and if the size up is STILL to small, most dresses have some room to be let out as well.  GL!

CTGirl30

One of my BMs got pregnant soon after I asked her to be in my wedding. She and her hubby are expecting twins - their first babies - a month after my wedding so she''' be 8 months preggo at wedding time.  I did not know she was pregnant yet the day we went to purchase her dress (she announced 3 weeks later).  At the store she ordered her normal, non-PG dress size.

I only wish she had told me then so she could have ordered a different style or skipped the bridal store offerings altogether so she could wait and get a maternity dress or anything she would be comfortbale in). She insisted on having the same dress style as the other BMs, though, and ordered a huge size up than her normal, non-PG size in the hopes of getting it altered to fit a preggo body.

I don't care what she wears on my wedding day as long as she's comfortable. She's already huge! :-)  But really - I am leaving it all up to her. If she changes her mind about the original dress in 2 weeks and buys a maternity dress, I am 100% fine with that. 

So if your friend the bride is a pretty easy going person - maybe tell her there's a chance you might want to hold off on ordering? When does the store tell you the absolute last date to order will be? Your friend might allow you to have a more forgiving style for a body that may be 1-3 months preggo by her wedding, such as an empire waist. Or just order your dress 2 sizes up to allow for a bigger bust and tummy. You can always have it taken in if need be and no worries for anything too snug.

We were told 2 months for dresses to come in and they came in within 2 weeks' time.

Calypso1977

i'm an obsessive planner, but at the same time i wouldnt want to know because i respect that having a child is something private, between two people and i am not one of those two people.

but i'm aslo not the type to flip out if you had to wear somethign different or step down entirely from your BM role.  i think it may depend on what type of bride this person is.  if she demands even sides or that everyone match, she may have a problem.  but again, your pregnancy is your business and is between you and your husband.  you shouldnt have to tell anyone.  think of the awkwardness if you tried and nothing happened.  you may open yourself up to a lot of intrusive questions about your reproductive capabilities.

spinner84

I do'nt think you have to tell the bride (but if you are comfortable telling her, it's fine), but you will want to tell the dress shop to order a size bigger. When you get measured by a shop in your area, tell them to add on two inches or whatever they suggest to accommodate that.

Kati0105

One of my BMs was TTC when we picked out dresses and she ordered two sizes up just to be safe (and told me her plan in advance).  She ended up only being 3 months at the wedding and had to have the dress taken in since she was barely showing but it still made it less stressful for her and me to do it that way.

JMN2010

I had a BM that was in the same situation. We had to change our wedding date and when we told her the new date, she let us know that she was TTC and therefore might be pregnant on the new date (the wedding got pushed back about 6 months). I appreciated knowing (even though I recognize that it was none of my business) partly because she was a close friend and I could celebrate with her.

This also allowed me to make some changes to the dresses. I ended up just letting them pick whatever black dress they wanted so she was able to wait until closer to the time to pick a dress that would fit and that should would be comfortable in. If you aren't comfortable letting her know (and I understand  that you could want to keep it private between you and your husband) , then I agree with the PP about ordering a size larger than you normally would.