Wedding Etiquette Forum

How to handle photos?

My FI's family includes everyone in the immediate family photo, including dates (including people we will never see again).  My FMIL still displays a family photo with an ex-girlfriend to one of her children in it, that many in the family view as being incredibly rude and distasteful considering the extenuating circumstances.  When it comes up, she says it is the last formal, family sitting photo she has with her mother in it (who is still alive and could take another one), and so she won't put it away.

Cut to our wedding photos, I know she will want all of her children's dates in the "family" photo, which I'm willing to do, but I would like one family photo that only has parents, siblings, siblings' spouses, and their children in it, just in case we end up in the same situation in a few years.  Is this incredibly rude to ask?  We have two photographers, one arranges while one takes the picture to speed everything up, and they've said they're pretty good at getting the picture taken before people notice someone isn't in the picture, but they think we should discuss with FMIL first.  I want to make sure it's okay to even be asking this before anyone talks to her, because I have a feeling this isn't going to go over well.  However, I really don't want to have to put away the family photo from our wedding later because it causes problems.  Thoughts?

Re: How to handle photos?

  • I think it makes tons of sense to have one with everyone and one with family only.
    Lizzie
  • No it is not rude to ask.
    panther
  • Have pics with just family, and pics with everyone.  Covers all bases.
  • You should only handle photos around the edges, so you don't smudge them.
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  • FI's last family wedding was about four years ago.  Middle sister's boyfriend is in every single picture and they're no longer together.  (I'm in one- I'm not the sort that jumps into every goddamn photo).  

    It's not rude, it's smart to have wone without dates in case there's an ugly breakup down the road.
  • Not rude at all.  I had similar concerns.

    I do laugh a little at my brother in law's wedding pictures.  I wasn't in the pictures because I was "just a girlfriend" but now I'm married into the family.  I'm  not offended at all, I just find the situation a little amusing.

    Do what you want - you're paying for the pictures.
  • Just keep in mind that now spouses might be bitter EX-husbands (or wives) 20 years from now. It's not rude to ask for family only pics, but that doesn't mean that in the future that picture will not include ex-family.....lol....good luck!
  • Yeah, I've come to the conclusion that we may get an ex-spouse, but at least we will remember that person's name in 20 years...the siblings with spouses have been married 15+ years, so although they may break up, I don't think we'd be expected to erase their presence from every picture displayed in our home. 
  • Our family has always done:

    The core family w/o spouses/dates
    The core family with spouses (no dates)
    The core family with spouses and dates


    As a photographer...start with everyone, and then wisk out people, then wisk out some more.
  • Defnitely not rude to ask.  Like PP said, your pictures, your photographer so you can have the photos you want taken, taken.  But it is always nice to get some pictures taken of what both sets of parents might want as well.  If you don't want them then don't buy them.

    Funny enough when H's Uncle got married a few years ago his son told me that I could not be in the family picture because I was only H's girlfriend.  My H and I had been together 7 years at that point...I was a hell of a lot more of a family member then that douchebags brand new fiance was (they had only been together 2 years but since they were engaged their relationship was more serious then mine and H's).  I basically told him that I could have caredless either way and went and got myself a drink!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-handle-photos?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5b03089e-c183-4c7f-9b08-5fe2a625641dPost:4140e0eb-949d-4d19-b8c5-aa6257072c17">Re: How to handle photos?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Our family has always done: The core family w/o spouses/dates The core family with spouses (no dates) The core family with spouses and dates As a photographer...start with everyone, and then wisk out people, then wisk out some more.
    Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is how we did it.</div>
    image
  • I'm doing the same. Rude or not, my wedding photos aren't going in the attic.
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