Talking about the wedding in front of non-guests

Nova2791

I have been engaged for about two months.  When I got engaged, I changed my facebook status to "engaged", posted a photo of us with my ring, and called or texted close friends and family who are definite wedding invites.  I also told my co-workers I was engaged (I work in a VERY small office), but only talk about my wedding plans with those I am sure I'm inviting.

I am involved in some activities (book club, dinner group, etc.) where I am very close with some members (5+ year close friendships) but just met other people and am not as close w/them and don't plan to invite them to the wedding. However, the people I am planning to invite often bring up the wedding in front of people I don't plan to invite, and it's very awkward! When they ask about planning I usually say it's going fine and we're very excited, but they continue to ask for more details!

How do I politely tell people to stop asking about the wedding in front of others? I don't mind talking about it at all in front of a group where everyone will be invited, but it's so awkward discussing it in front of non-guests- both for me and for them, I'm sure.

Meegles4

Honestly, I didn't find any hurt feelings in situations like this because people pretty much knew what our relationship was if we were in a group where I was good friends with some and acquaintances with others. If it was the invitee that asked a question in "mixed company", I usually addressed my answer to them, but if the non-invited heard, oh well. If it was a non-invited, I tended to glaze over an answer and try to move on. Now, if you're only in a group of non-invitees and they keep hounding you, then I say you answer a question and then actively try to change the subject.

arco13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talking-about-the-wedding-in-front-of-non-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5b053d38-2c96-4f6c-af1b-f7c86e51c766Post:17d971cd-d080-416e-b5b8-d3d136e201b8">Re: Talking about the wedding in front of non-guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Just give a vague answer and then immediately change the subject.  Maybe worst case scenario tell them that you'd like it to be a surprise and then immediately change the subject.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

I feel like calling it a surprise might give off the wrong impression; usually telling people something is a surprise, implies that they will at some point all get to witness it.

This may not apply if you're having a fairly large wedding, but the best advice I've gotten is to play up the "we're trying to keep it small/intimate" theme. If these are people you don't regularly see outside of these circles, they will hopefully understand.

mbuckley85

I really wouldn't worry about it a whole lot.  I would give a short answer to the question and allow the conversation to naturally move on.  I think it may be more rude to ask people to stop asking you.

itzMS

"Small talk" about your wedding is really unavoidable. I think you're doing just fine, so long as you don't bring UP the wedding in front of non-invitees, or continue the conversation on to vent about your florist, etc, KWIM?

Short & sweet is best.

zantster

This kind of happened to me when a sweet older lady who I'd never met wanted to talk at length about my wedding when I was over a friend's house.  She's the mother of one of FI's groomsmen but I'd never seen or spoken to her.  She said she loved to watch the wedding shows on cable.  I couldn't bring myself to cut her off when she kept asking because of my reverence for seniors.  I don't know if I'll see her again.  But I don't think someone you barely know would reasonably expect to be invited.

stantokm

My co-workers ask me questions sometimes just out of interest--they know that they won't be invited, though I never came right out and said it.  When I told one woman where my reception will be held, she was excited and said, "I can't wait to see pictures!"  I thought that was a very good way to acknowledge that she didn't expect an invitation.  I plan to use that from now on myself.

Some people just like hearing wedding details; most of these people probably don't think that they're getting invited anyway (the same people who wouldn't invite you to THEIR wedding)..

lcatterton

I've found that people just love to buzz and chatter and chit chat about wedding stuff. With Pinterest and all these unique things people can do these days, it can be quite the interesting topic to discuss. I don't think people sit there wondering "Will I be invited to this wedding?" when they want to talk about it, they just want to fantasize about what it'll be like. I could be way off base here though.... Haha.