People keep giving me things for the wedding...

starby

This "problem" might make me sound like a big jerk but I'm sure other people might have experienced it too.

People keep giving me stuff for the wedding or to wear at the wedding. So far I've gotten two pairs of earrings "for the wedding" and someone made me an ugly ring pillow. The thing is, I don't like any of these things. I have really specific ideas about what I want. ESPECIALLY what kind of earrings I wanted, but now I feel trapped like I have to wear these earrings because someone bought them for me for the wedding. (not to mention the issue that I now have two pairs I'm supposed to wear!)

The ring pillow I can deal with, but I have really specific ideas about what I want down to every last detail, and it sucks because I know people are trying to be helpful, but I cringe everytime I someone says "OH! I've got something for your wedding!"

I know I should be grateful, but if I have a vision and it's turning into a hodgepodge of other people's tastes and making me feel VERY grumpy.

Sorry if this makes me sound like a total bridezilla!

Habs2Hart

"Thank you so much for your generous offer, however, I already have a plan in mind for xyz." 

cengle

I don't think this makes you sound like a bridezilla. If someone offers you something that's not your style, just say something to the effect of "Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I already have earrings [or whatever] picked out and purchased already!" 

My SIL bought us some really ugly toasting flutes for the wedding. They were just so not our style, at all. We did, however, get our pretty crystal ones that we registered for. So we used those at the wedding, and we planned to use the other ones at the RD, but we ended up forgetting about them. Whoops. 
You could go this route, as well. Ha.

specialk84

FMIL gave FSIL a cake knife after explicitly being told she was going to use her H's family heirloom.  FSIL said, "Mom, I have already taken care of the knife situation, and I'm afraid I cannot use yours.  Thank you for the generosity."  She then handed it back.  FMIL got all butthurt about it, but that's not new, and I don't think FSIL did anything wrong.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'd wear one pair of earrings to your shower and the other pair to the RD.

jmkaiser

My FMIL keeps buying us stuff to use for the wedding in "our wedding colors"....unfortunately she still hasn't really understood that our wedding colors are not lilac and green (our colors are deeper versions of the two). So obviously we won't be using them. I've just been saying my thank yous and suggesting we use them for the RD:)

LDYGTR13

I wish I had gotten free shizz for my wedding =(

mdeidre

I don't think you sound like a bridezilla at all!  There's nothing wrong with wanting to pick out your own items and knowing what you do and don't want.  I agree with the advice of telling people thank you, but you already have that item covered.  You can use the items elsewhere, or not.  These people have given you gifts, no one can tell someone how, where, when or even if they use a gift, you give it and leave it up to the reciever.

GeauxTigers17

LDY, I would have shared! My mom's friends who have recently married daughters are trying to give me their old stuff. I just use the "thanks, but we already did X" line the others suggested.

 With one exception, it has worked without much of an issue. I avoid any of these types of wedding conversations with FMIL because our taste is not remotely the same, and I've only met her once so I don't think I'd be able to turn her down, I think I'd feel too guilty. Luckily she's pretty laid back, and since the future parents in law aren't having anything to do with the wedding planning, I don't feel too badly about avoiding the topic.

MissOwl

you can always graciously say thank you and use them at different events. this happened to a friend of mine and she wore her different earrings to her pre-wedding parties and used the extra cake cutting set for the groom's cake at the RD. there are ways to get around it.

Mrs.B6302007

I don't think you're coming across as a BZ.  If those things aren't your style, then they aren't your style.  I like the PPs suggestions of "we've got that covered" or "I've already purchased....".  I find it odd that people are buying things for you; the earrings esp are a very personal choice. I know that they're trying to be helpful but really, to me it's kind of a case of "not their place", KWIM?

lindsay5432

I would just politely accept the gifts and use whatever you like. 

LDYGTR13

I agree with it's not their place to give you these things, but I'm one of those sappy sentimental types. I might not like it, but unless it's clashing colors or something, I'd probably use it because I'd feel guilty if I didn't.

That being said, I was given my grandfather's ashes (right before the wedding..thank GOD i was wearing waterproof mascara) to wear but I already had my pearls on and the necklace with his ashes was hitting me in a weird spot, so I tucked it into my bra (WHAT UP, GRANDPA!) and took him with me, but didn't show it off. Is there a way you can "hide" but still use the items?

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-keep-giving-things-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5b8c0ba6-2c21-4229-9d78-6b69fa15eb85Post:09eadccc-77ec-4bdb-ab06-ae1bdbdf11fe">Re: People keep giving me things for the wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd wear one pair of earrings to your shower and the other pair to the RD.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>Me too.</div><div>
</div><div>I was given one of H's family friend's mother's pearls at a tea party.  All the ladies there was saying I should wear the pearls at the wedding.  Well, my mother had given me her pearls, and there's no way I wasn't wearing those.  So I smiled, thanked the gift giver, and put the necklace on at the tea party for pictures.  I wore it another time at my bridal shower so that more pictures were taken with me wearing the necklace.  Then I wore my mother's pearls as planned for the wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>Ta da!  No one was hurt or offended, and I didn't have to wear jewelry that was NMS for the wedding.</div>

jrkjpf

Send them to me!...uhhh, wait, did I just say that out loud?...whoops

AbbeyS2011

<strong>In</strong> Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-keep-giving-things-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5b8c0ba6-2c21-4229-9d78-6b69fa15eb85Post:ed506a09-a93b-4fc2-a877-ad1b25006e04">Re: People keep giving me things for the wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with it's not their place to give you these things, but I'm one of those sappy sentimental types. I might not like it, but unless it's clashing colors or something, I'd probably use it because I'd feel guilty if I didn't. That being said,<strong> I was given my grandfather's ashes (right before the wedding..thank GOD i was wearing waterproof mascara) to wear but I already had my pearls on and the necklace with his ashes was hitting me in a weird spot, so I tucked it into my bra (WHAT UP, GRANDPA!) and took him with me, but didn't show it off.</strong> Is there a way you can "hide" but still use the items?
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

What kind of necklace was it?  I mean, was it a vial with ashes, or ashes made into stones?  Just kinda curious about this one. 

I worked with a lady who's son had died in a bad car accident, and she has a necklace that is heart-shaped filled with her son's blood.  She would wear it to work alot - was a bit creepy to me.