Wedding Etiquette Forum

I have to invite him, right?

I think I just need to hear yes.
My cousin's boyfriend is horrible. Everyone in the family vocally hates him, and tells her that he is awful. We don't knock his personality, but tell her specific things he has done like call my gay cousin a "f@g" to his face. He is emotionally abusive to my cousin, he is a drunk and drug abuser, makes fun of over-weight and challenged people on the street to their face. Pretty much satan. 
My cousin is obviously no peach herself. Why would she stay with him? I love my cousin to death but she is an idiot for staying with him. I have no sympathy that she's upset in her relationship. She has been with him for years. He has always been like this, her supportive family has always given her opportunities to leave and come home and she just wants to vicitimize herself. Anyway, that's not the point. 

Anyway, to my question. Obviously my cousin is invited to the wedding. My family is so tight, and I love all of my other cousin's partners. They are all great. 
I can't include other partners and exclude this numb-nuts can I? My mom said I can based on how disrespectful he is to my family, my sister said I need to include him. My cousin's parents have expressed that it would not be a good idea to invite him. My fiance hates him too but is indifferent on the idea and is leaving the decision up to me and my family. 

What do you think?? I don't want him there in fear that he will get drunk and insult one of my guests, but I don't want to be a bridezilla either. I don't want people to ask cousin on the wedding day where Mark is and cousin to respond, "Oh, bridezilla wouldn't let me bring him."
I think at the end of the day I will have to suck it up, invite him and just let the staff at the reception know that there is a loose canon in the crowd and to not hesitate to remove him if/when he becomes a disturbance.
What would you do??

Re: I have to invite him, right?

  • I must admit, he sounds pretty distubing.

    However, if he's your cousins SO and you're inviting her, you don't have much choice here, do you?

    Invite the couple and put him in the back of your brain. You proably won't even notice him day of.

    Good Luck!
  • I guess your whole family is sketchy, huh??
  • Well I think the reality of the situation is that if you don't invite him, it's not going to be as simple as her coming and saying "oh he wasn't invited."  Trust me.  She will throw a fit and more than likely either bring him anyway or not come at all. 
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  • You already know the answer.  Invite him.
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  • under the circumstances, no you don't have to invite him but expect your cousin to decline...personally i would rather the cousin decline than to invite this awful man.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited January 2010
    I think most people have a family member, SO or whatever we are not a fan of.  Maybe not to this extreme, but still would rather not invite them because of one reason or another.

    Still though we all still invite that person to keep the peace.

    As a bride I was so busy I barely noticed  people I do like and love, let alone the 1 or 2 I'm not fans of.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • You have to invite him.

    But if your family truly hates him, they can try to convince her to not bring him, lol.  You should do the right thing, though.
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  • Invite him and have some people keep an eye on him. Him getting too unruly = him getting kicked out.
    9.17.2010
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  • You might not be his biggest fan, but unless her personally stole your identity or something, then yes, you should invite him.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-him-right?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ba39349-40b5-4ed4-9abd-a97e1aaca910Post:dc295893-01fb-4adf-8865-c28cec7175bf">Re: I have to invite him, right?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess your whole family is sketchy, huh??
    Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

    LOL Nebb.



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  • I know that yes, technically, you are supposed to invite him. But, I would not. Especially after what he said to your other gay cousin.
     I have a friend whose boyfriend insulted my sister in front of a large group of people, made fun of her and said some horrible things to her that she did not deserve. I told this friend that I hoped she could make it to my wedding, but he is not invited and I will understand if she declines because he is not invited. My wedding is several months away so I don't know if she will come or not, but after what he said to her, he is not coming.

    I think every situtation is different and sometimes breaking ettiquette is the lesser of two bad situtations.
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