Dad wants to add a guests, RSVP is in ten days

i2012do

My dad wants to add two guests. He all of a sudden feels like he "has" to invite his friend who was in his wedding who he hasn't seen in 5 years because he came to his mother's wake...and his girlfriend.
I guess because he said he was excited about the upcoming wedding... in passing to my dad.

The RSVP is july 20th. IF I send it out tomorrow, it won't get there Friday of this week.. that means 8 days until the RSVP date- I think that is going to come off as a total B list send.

What should we do? I didn't Make my own invites, they are all made and letterpressed so it's not lie I can just reprint it.

Mrs.B6302007

Tell him it's too late and that it would look badly on all of you to send an invitation this close to the date.

Snippylynn

Tell your dad firmly, no. It's too late. He'll get over it.

FormerlyAK

I'd put it in the mail today. It's your dad's request, and his friend, so if he doesn't care about the late notice, neither should you.

runpipparun

Probably when he said he was excited, he was just excited for you, and not to be there. Nobody who hadn't received an invite by now could assume he was invited, so explain that to your dad, as you say, "No."

Summer2011Bride

I would tell your dad that it's too late to invite someone. If you are the one sending out the invitations, it will reflect on you as well. If I got an invitation 8 days prior to the RSVP date, I would definitely feel B-listed.

Coghoot12

I had pretty much the same situation.  My MIL wanted to B List people when we started geting a lot of declines.

She brought it up multiple times and each time I explained why it would be rude.  Similar to your situation, H and I didn't know these people she wanted to invite and felt it would make us look like poor hosts to invite people as an afterthought.

ChristineNB

Well how much does it mean to your dad to invite this friend?  If it means a lot and you have room for them, I don't see a problem with adding them.  I would mail invites ASAP though.

roseofdeborah

My dad decided to just invite people without asking me or sending them an invite. He's paying for %100 of the wedding so I couldn't really say no and he did it without asking me first. So it's up to you, I would have said no like the ladies above said. People don't want to feel like an afterthought

lauraanne9

What about having your father do a hand deliver?  Are they close enough to do that?  He can come up a socially acceptable reason that makes it seem that something changed and now he feels that an invitation would be appreciated?  Not sure how exactly.  But a hand deliver is the only thing I can think of that would even remotely make it seem ok to get the invitation this late in the game.

good2Bqueen13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dad-wants-to-add-a-guests-rsvp-is-in-ten-days?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5beb9ad6-3d5c-4f1d-8fcf-f4fe7cddeb1aPost:22e3bcdb-8d9d-4145-b4ca-7ddf2229cf6e">Re: Dad wants to add a guests, RSVP is in ten days</a>:
[QUOTE]What about having your father do a hand deliver?  Are they close enough to do that?  He can come up a socially acceptable reason that makes it seem that something changed and now he feels that an invitation would be appreciated?  Not sure how exactly.  But a hand deliver is the only thing I can think of that would even remotely make it seem ok to get the invitation this late in the game.
Posted by lauraanne9[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree.  I would tell Dad no, unless he wanted to do a hand deliver to explain why he didn't get one in the first place.</div>

i2012do

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dad-wants-to-add-a-guests-rsvp-is-in-ten-days?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5beb9ad6-3d5c-4f1d-8fcf-f4fe7cddeb1aPost:22e3bcdb-8d9d-4145-b4ca-7ddf2229cf6e">Re: Dad wants to add a guests, RSVP is in ten days</a>:
[QUOTE]What about having your father do a hand deliver?  Are they close enough to do that?  He can come up a socially acceptable reason that makes it seem that something changed and now he feels that an invitation would be appreciated?  Not sure how exactly.  But a hand deliver is the only thing I can think of that would even remotely make it seem ok to get the invitation this late in the game.
Posted by lauraanne9[/QUOTE]

Well of this group of people all the other people are invited except for this man and his girlfriend. He was in my dad's wedding and my dad only sees him a few times a year. (and this is just recently before that he hadnt seen him in 5 years!) My dad hasnt made any requests yet- and this was his only one which I why I felt guilty.

He wasn't expecting him to come to my nana's wake and funeral but he did and he kept bringing up how excited he was dfor the wedding etc etc.

Also I think part of it is. I couldn't invite Every gfriend I ever had and as the bride I HAVE HAD plenty of awkward situations with friends that used to be close... and them saying they were excited etc...and I knew I couldn't invite them and kind of side stepped it with a nice polite thank you adn moved on.

But i am sure this is the FIRST time my dad is dealing with this, and doesn't realize it happens a lot so it makes him feel uncomfrotable...which he HATES.

i2012do

ps. My mom's idea was to send it out and have my dad call and say we sent one to their address but it got returned.I feel like that adds salt toa  wound..

good2Bqueen13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dad-wants-to-add-a-guests-rsvp-is-in-ten-days?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5beb9ad6-3d5c-4f1d-8fcf-f4fe7cddeb1aPost:8b6a46cb-d4ef-477b-abc6-55e76cc6a0e1">Re: Dad wants to add a guests, RSVP is in ten days</a>:
[QUOTE]ps. My mom's idea was to send it out and have my dad call and say we sent one to their address but it got returned.I feel like that adds salt toa  wound..
Posted by i2012do[/QUOTE]

<div>Oooooh, no, I agree with you - bad, bad idea.  Lying never seems to make things better.  It would surely snowball into another and another until some one is walking on eggshells trying to keep up with what was said.  </div><div>
</div><div>But time is certainly ticking now.  I assume you've decided to skip sending the invite?  Just as well, I'd say.</div>

KBModPDX

I feel your pain. Our RSVP date is Saturday. We invited 214 people. 104 have said yes so far, I sure hope they start rolling in. Plus, I had to put a lot of friends and family friends in the "I'd love to invite you but I have a huge family and our venue only holds 200 people" column. Now I have these same relatives sitting on their response cards, or some declining. I even have some relatives declining the wedding AND the shower. Feels like a slap in the face when I have other people who are actually interested in the event, and I couldn't invite them because we "had" to include family. Drives me insane. If I could do it over again, I'd definltey  shrink the family side down. Oh well, right? Grrr.

sudburybride

Oooohhh!!!! I feel your pain - I called my dad on the way home from work this afternoon and he just happened to mention that over the weekend, he and my mom had invited 2 more couples to the wedding (I foolishly made a kit for my mom containing some invitation sets, pre-stamped envelopes, ribbon, etc in case she forgot anyone)...  and our RSVP deadline is Friday. At first I was irked by it, but then I got over it - I don't know them, and if they come, fine - my parents will be happy.

I say, just let it go. No sense worrying about what other people think, especially the ones you don't know. 

KBModPDX - Amen! Out of the 200 people invited, I have 89 attending with 1 week to go on the RSVP and about 40 declines. I wish I would have shrunk the family invites and invited more of my friends. Booooo.