Parents & family Problems...

[Deleted User]

My fiance and I have agreed to get married an hour's distance away from my parents and family's hometown. (I have lived away for many years, college etc). My parents hometown is 3000 miles from where my fiance and I, his family and all our friends live - however we wanted a small wedding and this seemed to be a good way to have a destination wedding with some meaning and it would be close for my parents who hate to travel. Now my parents and family want me to have the wedding even closer to their town (although there is nothing for guests to do there!) as they want to stay close to home. This is a little embarassing for me as my fiance's family are prepared to fly and do whatever it takes to get to our wedding, but my family it seems just wants to have our wedding exactly as they want it and causing as little effort for them as possiblle. My fiance's family have also given us money for the wedding and my family have not.  I don't expect anything from them but feel that they shouldn't demand to have everything at their convenience when everyone else is going to such trouble to attend our wedding. I now see why people elope! Any advice on how to handle my family or explain my family's stubbornness to my future in laws would be great! 

sklink0486

I'm sorry your family is being difficult. I think it would be best to sit down and discuss some of these things with your parents and see if this is a situation in which they will NOT attend because of it, or are just upset about it. If they are just upset that they have to drive an hour, explain to them what you just told us- except the money part. Just tell them that you decided to have the wedding close to them, but since there are many of FI's family flying in and they may be staying for a little longer than just the day, you would like for them to be able to enjoy themselves also for having made a long trip. 

As hard as it may be, you need to look at the situation and decide if you really want to cater to your family's wants. Do they have the means to travel to where you and FI are? If so, and if you haven't already booked anyone, then I might suggest changing the plans to have it where you and FI are. Let whoever can come, come. It was nice of you to consider them and their wants, but you also need to consider that your family is being very ungrateful and your FI's family is doing a lot for the 2 of you- you don't want to totally forget about their wants too.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-family-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5c5e1f90-cd98-4606-9a9a-514a42baf037Post:1c0eeb7c-2d19-44c6-82a6-edaf1a743fc9">Parents & family Problems...</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I have agreed to get married an hour's distance away from my parents and family's hometown. (I have lived away for many years, college etc). My parents hometown is 3000 miles from where my fiance and I, his family and all our friends live - however we wanted a small wedding and this seemed to be a good way to have a destination wedding with some meaning and it would be close for my parents who hate to travel. Now my parents and family want me to have the wedding even closer to their town (although there is nothing for guests to do there!) as they want to stay close to home. This is a little embarassing for me as my fiance's family are prepared to fly and do whatever it takes to get to our wedding, but my family it seems just wants to have our wedding exactly as they want it and causing as little effort for them as possiblle. My fiance's family have also given us money for the wedding and my family have not.  I don't expect anything from them but <strong>feel that they shouldn't demand to have everything at their convenience when everyone else is going to such trouble to attend our wedding.</strong> I now see why people elope! Any advice on how to handle my family or explain my family's stubbornness to my future in laws would be great! 
Posted by DDiMenna[/QUOTE]

They need to start hearing this from you.

Milsey32

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-family-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5c5e1f90-cd98-4606-9a9a-514a42baf037Post:f6aa9670-bca9-4dfb-aa59-42117dcbee20">Re: Parents & family Problems...</a>:
[QUOTE]It is your wedding and it looks like you've done a good job taking their dislike of travel into account. There is no way everyone involved is going to 100% satisfied with every detail, so everyone will have to learn to live with the compromise. We live across the country but are getting married an hour from where our parents live. Every time our parents complain about the distance I remind them that the bride and groom are traveling 1,000 miles to their 50. It quiets the rumblings for weeks at a time, and I don't mind repeating it.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

This. Explain the situation from the guest's perspective... You want to have things to do in the area (and if you've already chosen a church and reception venue you could emphasis how much you like them)