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Etiquette

Alcohol at my wedding

I've just gotten into this planning and getting ideas started for my big day. Right now I'm just trying to get the very basic ideas going. I'm not really sure if I should have alcohol at my wedding or at the reception. Most of my family is very religious, and against alcohol, but my fiance' and I are more contemporary and I'm sure our friends would like to be able to have a couple of drinks, but I don't want to offend my family by having it. I don't know what to do in order to keep everyone happy.

Re: Alcohol at my wedding

  • jwoftexasjwoftexas member
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    edited February 2013
    Have it at the reception only and limit it to beer, wine, and champagne.  I think that would be a happy compromise.  

    However, its your day so if you want to party down with liquor, go for it!
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you and your FI are paying for the wedding, it's up to you.

    Your family might be offended, but it wouldn't be up to them.  Hopefully none of them are so zealously dry that they would storm out on learning that alcohol was available.  Maybe you can say to them, "His family and our friends can accept that you're not drinkers, but we need you to accept that they are."
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 2013
    Does your family avoid restaurants that serve alcohol?  This is the same thing to me. If they don't want any, they don't have to drink it. I think limiting the kinds of alcohol you serve would be a nice compromise if you're worried. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • mcda04mcda04 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2013
    I agree with all PP's. It's not fair to your other guests to have a dry wedding to please YOUR parents. Well unless they're paying then you need to consider their wishes but if you and FI are paying, then you can choose what kind of alcohol to have.
  • If your family is paying, then No you should not have them foot the bar bill for something they will not enjoy/don't approve of.  However, you and FI can foot the bar bill or maybe even I family would step up to that plate, then it is still OK to serve the alcohol.  End of the day its yours/FI wedding and if having alcohol is important to you and FI (or even his family) then it should be up for discussion if another party is willing to pay for it.  Your family should not judge others just because its something they do not do.  My FMIL does this to us all the time.  We still drink, she knows it; she knows many memebers of FI freiends/family drink as does my family.  Without question there will be a bar.  It would only be offensive if they were forced to drink--which obviously will not be the case.   Your reception is for all your guests, so if it something they will enjoy and you have the means to host it w/o your parents paying for it, then you should host it. 
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    Anniversary
  • Other options are having the wedding at a time of day where drinking isn't as common.
    A lovely brunch reception could be dry without its being weird, or you could have just mimosas and bellinis and it would be much cheaper for you to foot that part of the bill.

    Also, if you decide to get alcohol but think only a small percentage would drink, see if your bar has the abiility to charge you for consumption vs a flat rate. That could potentially be cheaper (though its being an unknown makes it harder to budget)
  • I went to a wedding a few years ago that was borderline dry. Why "borderline dry"? Apparently the bride's grandmother, a very conservative Southern Baptist, severely disapproves of alcohol (and dancing, but that was another issue). The reception was dry until the grandmother and some of the other "elders" left at about 8:30 or 9pm. Suddenly, the bride's father - who was also the lead singer in the band - grabbed the microphone and announced "There's beer in the kitchen if anybody wants it." Suddenly, there was a stampede for the back of the reception hall. The wedding was already winding down, so it was as if everybody just chugged a beer - which they had evidently waited all night for - and then took off. Point is: I would choose one or the other. I have no idea who was paying for what in my friend's wedding, so that may have had something to do with it, but it would have been better if the reception had been completely dry. The way it was came off slightly crass. The alternative - as PP have suggested - is for your reception to be dry and then you can out to a bar with friends afterward. If you're paying for your wedding, though, it's really up to you and what you feel most comfortable with. Good luck!
    Anniversary
  • The way I see it, you can't please everybody. I agree it depends on who's paying. If there are people who don't drink, serve them cider for the toasts and soda with their meals, and everyone else champaign. I like the idea of only serving the lighter beverages such as wine, beer, champaign, it's harder to get drunk on those. Or perhaps make drink tickets for guests to fill out to bring to the bar, so they can get their desired drink and you know how much money is being spent because there would be a limit on the ticket -- someone offered that as a suggestion to me.

    Side note: I think it's rude for guests to use a wedding reception as a chance to get piss drunk! That's not the point of the reception.
  • It's your day and it's up to you to decide. If you're okay with drinks then do it, if not then don't.
     Fi and I will not be having alcohol at our wedding because:  
          1) his uncle was killed by a drunk driver so we don't want to bring up any bad memories
          2) we do NOT want our reception to turn into a frat party or get out of hand
          3) which would happen becasue we both have relatives that get out of hand when alcohol is available.

    So it all depends on what you are comfortable with and if you know you're family and friends are okay when they drink alcohol. Like they don't get out of hand =)
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