Parents and school aged children. WDYT? Opinions?

J&K10910

While I agree that AD/HD is over-diagnosed and sometimes over-medicated, I think it is a real problem that makes life incredibly difficult for some people.  It's unfortunate that it is so overdiagnosed because it takes away from the struggle that some people have. 

I also think ODD is a "real" issue.  How can you say it's not?  Kids fit the criteria--whether or not bad parenting is one of the contributing factors doesn't make it any less "real."  Also, perhaps the "bad parenting" is an effect, not a cause, in some cases.  Or a separate variable all together. 

There is an awful lot of generalization going on in this post.  You can't just say "oh that's a bad kid because he has bad parents."  Yeah, sometimes that is the case.  But sometimes it's not.  I firmly believe that there is no such thing as a bad kid, only kids who do bad things.  There is always a reason for their behavior, and if our society was more into figuring out the reason and doing something about it instead of just labeling the behavior, we'd have a lot less kids doing bad things.  JMO though.

ac_in_dc

It seems that ADD is overdiagnosed, but I also think that Ritalin or other non-medicated interventions have genuinely helped a number of kids that would have fallen through the cracks a generation ago. There are a lot of disorders that people didn't diagnose or treat 40 years ago. I suffer from depression, and I feel lucky to live now when I can treat it with meds and still work and function normally, as opposed to my maternal grandma who was addicted to sedatives or my paternal grandmother who spent 2 years in a mental hospital for "melancholia."

There's probably an environmental component to both ADD and depression--these things are tricky. I think the reason that parents are quicker to treat ADD kids these days is that there are many fewer options and paths for success these days if you don't finish college. So it's *way* more important than it was 50 years ago to make sure your kids has whatever he or she needs to get through.

Nebb

My brother was diagnosed with ADD at a young age, it was a constant struggle between him and my dad going to councelling, taking his meds, "dont do that thomas" "you didnt do this thomas", and I think the constant hovering and smothering because he had ADD made him act stupidly. He didnt do very well in school, he couldnt focus, yadda yadda yadda.

He still has "ADD", but he just decided he wants to go to school and will need better marks in various science classes to be accepted and managed to pull 90's in all of them and completed all of his college applications on his own. Difference now is that he doesnt have my dad hovering over him anymore, hes in his 20's.

bpage3

Just to be clear there is no such thing as ADD, it is all ADHD but in some (such as myself) the hyperactivity is not present or prevalent but it is all the same diagnosis and medication.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-school-aged-children-wdyt-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5c9a9d6e-b500-4070-bf87-5c4e66adebcdPost:2fd9dcea-a7be-47ca-949e-27f3361dbf59">Re: Parents and school aged children. WDYT? Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]To clarify, my son is not hyperactive.  I know some people confuse ADHD with ADD.
Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]

Capri to elaborate on your point just a bit... (and apologies in advance for the psichick moment):

The correct current term for this disorder is ADHD, which has replaced ADD in the DSM-IV to be more diagnosticially specific. At least by psychological/psychiatric standards, a deficit in attention occurs via three main sets of symptoms: inattentiveness, hyperactivity, or a combination of these two. So a child that has ADHD will also have a specifier to accompany the diagnosis: inattentive type, hyperactive type, or combined type. Or technically there's a fourth, which is NOS, or not otherwise specified. (Capri, it sounds like you're saying your son has ADHD, inattentive type).

It is my understanding that many doctors still use ADD rather than the updated term, which isn't a big deal but is technically inaccurate (unless the medical diagnostic realm has not updated the term). And many folks who were diagnosed in the past 10-20 years will claim they have ADD. So I'm not saying their diagnosis was wrong, I'm saying the terminology has changed since their initial diagnosis.

Sorry if this sounded douchey, just thought it might help clear up some of the confusion.

<strong>ETA:</strong> Oops, just saw mandybear's post.

kate51485

I think it's overdiagnosed and way too many children are medicated unnecessarily.  I think parents and teachers both can do a lot to combat these issues before medication is needed.  (My mother taught kindergarden and early elementary for years -- I've heard it all.)  One culprit that I don't think anybody mentioned yet is class size.  It is nearly impossible to teach 30 children under the age of 8 at the same time and be able to respond to each child's needs.  I firmly believe more individual attention and ability-specific guidance can do a lot to prevent behavioral issues. 

Everyone just wants a quick fix, an easy answer, and a free pass these days.

^ I realize that is a VERY generalized statement and it is meant in no way to offend anybody.  But if you take a step back, I think most people would agree.

AlexiaANDRobert

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-school-aged-children-wdyt-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5c9a9d6e-b500-4070-bf87-5c4e66adebcdPost:1db13cdc-e693-4147-b875-4ed4fdbbf385">Re: Parents and school aged children. WDYT? Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]When I was in elementary school, I was a talker. Non stop. The teacher told my parents I was probably ADHD because I couldn't stop talking and socializing. Did some tests and it turned out I was gifted. I was talking because I was so bored. That teacher used to sit me in the corner to color because I was "disruptive" to everyone around me. I thought I was a bad kid. Once I got the gifted label, suddenly this new world was opened up to me. I loved school and succeeded and thrived in the classroom. I think a lot of parents should do the research before they put their children on the meds. But of course, I support the use of medicine when it is necessary. Some days, I couldn't get through a lesson if a couple of my students weren't on their meds.
Posted by kmurr010[/QUOTE]

This was SO me!  My gifted classes were amazing and we did way more projects and interactive stuff than the mainstream.  I can only imagine how bored some of those kids were.

My report cards were all A's and some B's and all my comments were "Excessive Talking" or something about not paying attention - I took a reading class and immediately shut up.  Reading is my joy.  It was where I could day dream and be creative and just be whatever I wanted.  I always had badass book reports and models and projects from books.

I wonder if kids were able to find their joy or hobby or whatever really entertains them, if they'd be happier or more adjusted.

kmurr010

I agree that these problems existed 20 years ago. The same goes for Autism. People say Autism didn't exist, except it did, we just didn't have a name for it. Now we have a name and drugs to help almost any problem and some people turn to meds too soon. For those that need it, medicine works and solves the problem. However, medicine alone is not the solution. CHildren must be taught how to behave in conjunction with using their medicine to help their behavior and impulsivity.

polichik

Well said, Beatles. I was about to break out the DSM

It's generally accepted for people outside of the mental health community to refer to it either way. People will generally know what you're talking about.

bbyckes

Beats, it didn't sound douchey at all.  Mandybear sounded douchey.

jasmineh7777

Mutley, I agree that some kids need the meds. But, I don't think a teacher should ever recomend medicating a child. That should be left to a professional to suggest. I think that it is totally fine to say, "I am noticing that Johnny has problems with x,y, and z" but it should end there.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It is hard to know if it is just being diagnosed more often (I know people in their 30s and 40s who say that they think if they were kids now, they would be diagnosed with it and it explains why they got bad grades and things), or if kids are over medicated.

If I understand it right, though, it sounds like she wants to be sure her kids ARE doing their assignments, which is good to me. Being involved in your kids lives and having expectations is a good thing. Doing things for them is not. I feel like maybe I have a little ADD because I used to daydream a LOT in 3rd/4th grade. My mom got me a cute little planner and had me write down my homework assignments. Then at the end of the day I would have to have my teacher initial it, so my mom knew I had everything written down and organized. I used to neglect to write down things I already did, etc. Well, it worked, and now I am pretty organized in many ways.

beatlesgirl25

Thanks poli. I agree, and I feel like anyone who says they or their child has ADD is trying to express that they are the more inattentive type anyway. I'd have adult clients who'd been diagnosed with it before and were very specific about not having ADHD, only ADD. I'm not going to argue that point, as I know what they mean.

kate51485

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-school-aged-children-wdyt-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5c9a9d6e-b500-4070-bf87-5c4e66adebcdPost:04fde710-78d3-4127-8bf7-9f84836b0b11">Re: Parents and school aged children. WDYT? Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]There is always a reason for their behavior, and if our society was more into figuring out the reason and doing something about it instead of just labeling the behavior, we'd have a lot less kids doing bad things.  JMO though.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

J&K, I agree with you totally on this!

mandysmear

I can't read all responses.  But, we have videogames, and cell phones and what not to blame on ADD and any other type of it.  That's just my belief anyway. 

Sometimes I can't focus on one thing either.  It's because I am used to watching a movie while downloading music and texting on my phone at the same time.  So when it comes down to doing one task at a time, I have to really focus on that ONE thing. 

When I surf the net at home, I usually have the knot open, hotmail, facebook and google reader.  I am always "multi-tasking". 

I think it's the same thing.  Kids are texting while watching tv and flipping back and forth from videogame to the tv... then checking their facebook or whatever else. 

I used to think ADD was a myth and then when I thought about it and realized that sometimes I have those issues too, I leaned more towards this theory. 

I havent read any studies or discussed it with professionals, so I'm not saying I'm right, it's just my perspective. 

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-school-aged-children-wdyt-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5c9a9d6e-b500-4070-bf87-5c4e66adebcdPost:f5e792bf-d69b-444c-8bc2-e3f2aebdab94">Re: Parents and school aged children. WDYT? Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]Beats, it didn't sound douchey at all.  Mandybear sounded douchey.
Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]

:) Like I said earlier, it doesn't matter so much what you call it, because it sounds like you have a good idea as to what that means for your son in his specific case. Labels aside, that is only way you and his teachers, etc. would be able to create a plan around his needs. So I'm glad you have a good handle on what's going on with him, though it is frustrating I know.

kmurr010

bbyckes--
it would be wonderful if more parents were like you! Parents who are willing to be involved and help their child make the job of the teacher so much easier. Too many times do parents medicate their child and then look to the teacher to fix the rest. It takes a village to raise a child...I wish more people believed that. I've worked with parents that have used their child's diagnosis as an excuse, "She can't do that, she's ADHD" or "He can't help it, you know he has a processing problem." A diagnosis does not give you a free pass. It sets you on the path that you need to follow to success. Ok, we know what the problem is, what modifications/accomodations do we make to help the child to succeed? That's my viewpoint as a teacher.

opalsky007

I also feel it's overdiagnosed, but I'm more bothered by it being overmedicated. I know that under the right conditions, medication can be live-changing, but I've seen overmedication happen.

My cousin is severely hyperactive. He was also an abuse victim as an infant, and in an unstable living situation after his mom took him and fled. In his childhood and teens he was so heavily medicated that he swung the other way and became a total zombie. He wasn't any better of a student, and the problems at home weren't any better, but he wasn't acting up, so no one cared.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, you have my H. He's much like Capri's son, but fidgety: he's extremely bright, but has memory issues, and has trouble applying himself, especially on long-term projects. He has never been medicated-- his mom opted to force him to learn to cope with it. They butted heads a lot, but he's been fairly successful in learning to apply himself inside school and out.

bbyckes

Thanks, kmurr.  I'm not looking for a pat on the back though.  My son is my responsibility and I take it seriously.  It is my job to make sure he is a success in life.  It is my job to guide him.  Like Nebb said earlier, I recently had a discussion with him about me pulling back and having him step up and take more responsibility for his actions and remembering.  I'm just really trying to gradually wean him off of my prompting (hope this makes sense).   He still has to suffer consequences for his actions.  You don't get rewarded in life for bad behavior.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-school-aged-children-wdyt-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5c9a9d6e-b500-4070-bf87-5c4e66adebcdPost:a88d7269-1333-431d-8c1f-219731857644">Re: Parents and school aged children. WDYT? Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]I also feel it's overdiagnosed, but I'm more bothered by it being overmedicated. I know that under the right conditions, medication can be live-changing, but I've seen overmedication happen.
Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

This exactly. If the knee-jerk reaction wasn't to start an 8 year old on Adderal, I would see the extra focus on structure and learning as far more of a positive thing.

kmurr010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-school-aged-children-wdyt-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5c9a9d6e-b500-4070-bf87-5c4e66adebcdPost:a5757295-f630-4e19-9fea-ca5cbaa40568">Re: Parents and school aged children. WDYT? Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks, kmurr.  I'm not looking for a pat on the back though.  My son is my responsibility and I take it seriously. ....   He still has to suffer consequences for his actions.  You don't get rewarded in life for bad behavior.
Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]

And that is why you are a good parent. Too many parents want that pat on the back. You sound like you are teaching and raising your son to be a very responsibly and well adapted young man. That's so refreshing to see/hear. I don't mean to sound like I'm kissing up to ya, but I have just seen too many parents not care and it absolutely breaks my heart.

mandybear7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-school-aged-children-wdyt-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5c9a9d6e-b500-4070-bf87-5c4e66adebcdPost:f5e792bf-d69b-444c-8bc2-e3f2aebdab94">Re: Parents and school aged children. WDYT? Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]Beats, it didn't sound douchey at all.  Mandybear sounded douchey.
Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]

Haha, okay. You were asserting that ADD and ADHD were different. They're not. Apparently I should not add interjections into writing posts if "um" is being taken that offensively.

mwhitson14

Jasmineh, are you a teacher? Because I think until you've been in a classrom with 35 kindergarteners (that's how many I had during my kindergarten practicum) you should probably shut your mouth about it being an easy out for teachers and unrealistic expectations. I think teachers are completely within their right to suggest medication if they are truly concerned about a child getting his/her assignments completed, etc., because the parents may not see the behavior that I see in the classroom. And even if a teacher does recommend medication, it's still up to the parent and the dr. to work together to find a solution. And homework has nothing to do with anything except NCLB, not teachers and lots of homework. There is literally not enough time in the day to teach everything we are supposed to get done in the day. It just doesn't happen. So yes, there is more homework, but thanks to NCLB, there are also more standards. But that's a different soapbox.

bbyckes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-school-aged-children-wdyt-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5c9a9d6e-b500-4070-bf87-5c4e66adebcdPost:49df0a41-aca2-459a-955c-611a1745bd3d">Re: Parents and school aged children. WDYT? Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Parents and school aged children. WDYT? Opinions? : Haha, okay. You were asserting that ADD and ADHD were different. They're not. Apparently I should not add interjections into writing posts if "um" is being taken that offensively.
Posted by mandybear7[/QUOTE]

You can definitely add interjections to the posts.  Your tone was ridiculous.

kate51485

But Whit, a teacher is not a doctor.  It is definitely within a teacher's right to point out bad behavior or habits that need improvement.  However, to suggest that medication is the first choice is not necessarily an informed decision.  Behavioral therapy and sometimes just some individual attention could be very effective before placing a child on medication they may take for years.

SwedishChick2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-school-aged-children-wdyt-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5c9a9d6e-b500-4070-bf87-5c4e66adebcdPost:49df0a41-aca2-459a-955c-611a1745bd3d">Re: Parents and school aged children. WDYT? Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Parents and school aged children. WDYT? Opinions? : Haha, okay. You were asserting that ADD and ADHD were different. They're not. Apparently I should not add interjections into writing posts if "um" is being taken that offensively.
Posted by mandybear7[/QUOTE]
The problem wasn't that you corrected her.  The problem is the WAY you corrected her.  People make mistakes, and you don't have to get an attitude about it if you happen to know something that someone else doesn't.  And yeah, most of the attitude was exhibited with the "um." 

mandybear7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-school-aged-children-wdyt-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5c9a9d6e-b500-4070-bf87-5c4e66adebcdPost:c67ce222-aaa5-4ac9-9547-d24f33b234fb">Re: Parents and school aged children. WDYT? Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Parents and school aged children. WDYT? Opinions? : You can definitely add interjections to the posts.  Your tone was ridiculous.
Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]

An interjection is one of the 8 parts of speech, for example, "um." How that leads to a ridiculous tone, I have no idea. I said nothing in regards to you personally, but felt I had to clear up the terminology with ADD and ADHD. That is all.

mwhitson14

Also kmurr, I found myself nodding with everything you said. Glad to have a teacher posting. I'm on lunch but you are saying everything I was thinking as I was reading the responses.

SwedishChick2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-school-aged-children-wdyt-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5c9a9d6e-b500-4070-bf87-5c4e66adebcdPost:983fe353-ae41-4417-be22-140837e16da9">Re: Parents and school aged children. WDYT? Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Parents and school aged children. WDYT? Opinions? : An interjection is one of the 8 parts of speech, for example, "um." How that leads to a ridiculous tone, I have no idea. I said nothing in regards to you personally, but felt I had to clear up the terminology with ADD and ADHD. That is all.
Posted by mandybear7[/QUOTE]
Here's an interjection for you.  Heifer.  Oh wait, that's not an interjection?  My bad.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-school-aged-children-wdyt-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5c9a9d6e-b500-4070-bf87-5c4e66adebcdPost:983fe353-ae41-4417-be22-140837e16da9">Re: Parents and school aged children. WDYT? Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Parents and school aged children. WDYT? Opinions? : An interjection is one of the 8 parts of speech, for example, "um." How that leads to a ridiculous tone, I have no idea. I said nothing in regards to you personally, but felt I had to clear up the terminology with ADD and ADHD. That is all.
Posted by mandybear7[/QUOTE]

Mandybear, I'd back off this one if I were you. You're starting to sound a little big for your britches. Capri doesn't need another lesson in terminology, nor did she need your sarcasm earlier as a parent of an ADHD child. When you start your post by saying you have strong feelings about something and then say, "um, lemme correct you..." there's your tone right there. This is clearly a hot button issue, but come on people.