Wedding Date Question

lanyemichelle

My fiance and I have been planning our wedding for a couple months, though I only got officially engaged a few weeks ago.  He goes to a military academy is not allowed to marry before graduation, but we will only have 30 days after he graduates to get married and get moved across the country to wherever the Army sends us. I announced my wedding date a few weeks ago to my sorority, and one of my sorority sisters announced tonight that she is getting married on the same day I am. The chapel and minister have already been booked with substantial, non-refundable fees and our date just isn't flexible at all. I'm not sure what to do because she doesn't seem to be respectful at all of my wedding! It will be the last time I will EVER see my sisters and I feel like it is just going to make my wedding day stressful.

My question is, is it rude to ask her to move her date? She wants to get married in a city an hour away from my wedding location and my sisters wont be able to come to both unless she gets married in the morning.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

If you have 30 days, why do you only have one date available? Your venue won't move your deposits over?

You can't ask someone to change their date. You can try to change yours, or just leave everything alone and let everyone make their own choice.

eav2c

I was in a sorority...So, I get sorority "life".

Don't ask her to change her wedding date... If you want to change YOUR wedding date then do it. You don't have to invite your entire sorority--half of them you'll never talk to after you move. I don't mean that in a mean way, but, I've been there done that... I didn't even move out of the county, and guess what... out of a sorority that had well over a hundred women, I talk to oh, lets see, um, about five!

Keep the date you have. Is her wedding going to be near yours? Your friends will come--sorority or not. Just get YOUR invitations out first (or save the dates to be really safe). But certainly do NOT ask her to move hers... you'll be asking for a drama.

lanyemichelle

We can only get married on that one day because the week before is my birthday, and the week after we have to be at our post.

AmeliaMarie

I'm sorry your facing this, but you really can't ask her to change her date.  I don't get the impression that the two of you are really close, your best friends will come to your wedding and hers to her wedding and in a few years it won't matter at all.  I think if I were you I'd be relieved not to have to invite all those extra sisters.

ExpatPumpkin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-date-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d4b1ca3-6f95-409b-bfea-18cd91eb9c5ePost:9d8027cb-866d-457d-ad05-2229c4384c69">Re: Wedding Date Question</a>:
[QUOTE]We can only get married on that one day because the week before is my birthday, and the week after we have to be at our post.
Posted by lanyemichelle[/QUOTE]

Not to be snarky, but why can't you get married on your birthday?

lanyemichelle

Because my parents are paying for it and they don't want us to do that. Plus, it would be memorial day weekend and lots of people may not come because of that. Plus, I'm not really sure why I want to get married on my birthday. I'm only upset about it because we announced our wedding before she even got engaged, and I don't understand why someone would knowingly overlap our wedding date when they could get married anytime. I don't want to be rude, but I have a feeling it's going to get very bride-warsy and I don't want that at all. I dont necessarily want her to move her date, I guess that's the wrong question to have asked. I just think she was being rude by picking my wedding date, which everyone knew I was getting married on even before I announced it. I just am really not sure how to handle it.

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-date-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d4b1ca3-6f95-409b-bfea-18cd91eb9c5ePost:ba757e70-e51f-4124-8122-a5db12d8436e">Re: Wedding Date Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Because my parents are paying for it and they don't want us to do that. Plus, it would be memorial day weekend and lots of people may not come because of that. Plus, I'm not really sure why I want to get married on my birthday. I'm only upset about it because we announced our wedding before she even got engaged, and I don't understand why someone would knowingly overlap our wedding date when they could get married anytime. I don't want to be rude, but I have a feeling it's going to get very bride-warsy and I don't want that at all. I dont necessarily want her to move her date, I guess that's the wrong question to have asked. I just think she was being rude by picking my wedding date, which everyone knew I was getting married on even before I announced it. I just am really not sure how to handle it.
<p>Posted by lanyemichelle[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>You have valid reasons for wanting that date, and for all you know, she does too. I'm gathering you're not particularly close to her for her to knowingly pick the same date; are you really so sure that you know her life situation well enough to make judgment on whether or not she can get married 'anytime'? The date doesn't belong to you, and thus there's nothing to 'handle' here other than continuing on with your planning, really- you cannot force her to change her date and requesting her to do so would be ridiculously selfish. Frustrating situation, yes, but not the end of the world or a personal attack on you, IMO.</p>

lanyemichelle

I can definitely agree on that. The only reason she wants to get married on that date is so that she and her best friend can be in each others weddings. I don't understand her reasoning, but I do understand that she has the right to have her wedding whenever she wants. I just know that I announced my wedding way before she got engaged, and I picked my date before she even started dating her fiance. While I do understand that I don't own the date, I still feel like it is rude on her part to plan a wedding on the exact same day as me and my sisters will be forced to choose whose wedding to come to. Her fiance is here with her, and they have no guidelines as to when they can get married. I only have a few days, and I just can't be flexible at all. I really just don't want it to become a lot of drama but still want everyone to be able to come to my wedding. I understand that it would be selfish of me to ask her to change her wedding date, but I also feel that it was really rude of her to pick my wedding date as hers too. She DID know I was getting married on that day when she made her choice.

Sunshine9463

I might just be reiterating what PPs have said but:
I do kinda understand your frustration. If she knew the date you were getting married and you have the same pool of friends that you plan on inviting, then yup, I think that is shiity on her part.
However, you cannot dictate the wedding date she chooses. Stick to planning and let the chips fall where they may. There won't be any unnecessary drama if you don't create it or feed into it if she does. 
You have chosen your date, it works for you, go with it. If some "sisters" fall by the wayside in lieu of this, so be it.

danieliza1127

I don't think you should ask her to move her date.  Just plan your wedding and invite who you want to invite.  Your sorority sisters might have to choose one wedding over the other, but the ones that are closest to you relationship-wise will choose yours so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

Just like you have a valid reason for choosing your date, she probably has one as well and maybe it's just as important as yours.  It's not your place to make that call though.

AlexiaANDRobert

I agree with all the PPs.

andyandhillary

I understand where you are coming from but you cannot ask her to change her date.  You don't know all of the reasons for why she picked that date and it could be very valid.  I'm in a sorority too but she's not under any obligation for you to have "first choice". 

One other thing is that are the same groups of girls really going to come to both of your weddings?  Two of my sisters are in your same situation but we pointed out to the upset one that they didn't even have the same group of friends so it was a non-issue.  Are you really going to invite the whole sorority? 

In the grand scheme of things, think about who you'll actually talk to and be close to in 5-10 years (or longer!).  It pained me not to be able to invite more of my sisters (budget constraints) but ultimately that's what it came down to. 

This is also not the last time you will EVER see your sisters.  There are reunions and you can always see people and have little trips.  If you aren't close enough to these women to make that kind of an effort, then maybe you shouldn't worry about inviting them to the most important day of your life. 

Chill out!  You are getting married!  Woot! 

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-date-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d4b1ca3-6f95-409b-bfea-18cd91eb9c5ePost:ba757e70-e51f-4124-8122-a5db12d8436e">Re: Wedding Date Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Because my parents are paying for it and they don't want us to do that. Plus, it would be memorial day weekend and lots of people may not come because of that. Plus, I'm not really sure why I want to get married on my birthday. I'm only upset about it because we announced our wedding before she even got engaged, and <strong>I don't understand why someone would knowingly overlap our wedding date when they could get married anytime</strong>. I don't want to be rude, but I have a feeling it's going to get very bride-warsy and I don't want that at all. I dont necessarily want her to move her date, I guess that's the wrong question to have asked. I just think she was being rude by picking my wedding date, which everyone knew I was getting married on even before I announced it. I just am really not sure how to handle it.
Posted by lanyemichelle[/QUOTE]

Because in the grand scheme of life it doesn't matter. Either she's being petty and making your sisters choose between you, or she has valid reasons (just as yours) for needing the same date, or she knows what someone already mentioned - you're not that close and run in different circles and your friends will go to your wedding and hers will attend hers. Were you really planning on inviting an entire sorority to your wedding? Did you really expect every single one to come? If not, then it doesn't really matter.