Is it bad to not mention the gift in the Thank You Note?

TerriHugg

So I had a surprise bridal shower on Saturday. I already purchased thank you notes and wrote all 40 of them yesterday. However, I didn't mention the specific gift I was given in all them. Instead, I wrote heartfelt and personal messages to each person discussing their imoortance in my life, the gratitude I have for them even attending the shower and a brief line about how I truly appreciating the gift. 

As someone who takes cards seriosly, I was never a fan of wedding/shower thank you because I feel like it's clear the only reason a person does it is because they have too. Just a one liner about thanks for the blender always seems so forced to me. That's why I literally wrote a personalized note for every person in the card with vague mention, if any at all, of the gift. (I like to send personalized cards to people all the time "just because".) I figured people would be more appreciative of it that way. 

However, than I was thinking maybe I messed up and that some people do prefer to just see , "Thanks for the photo album" instead of "Your support and encouragement over the years means more ot me than you know. I appreciate the love you showered me with on Saturday and truly appreciate the gift." (Just an example. They are more personalized than this but you get the picture.)

Now for the most part, I've already mailed out some of these cards this morning and have a few left over as I need to get more stamps. I was wondeiing if it's necessary to open up the remaining cards and mention this gift specifically or if I can just go ahead sending as it. 

misshart00

I think you need to mention the gift since that's what you are thanking them for. You can write all the other stuff too. But if I got a card thanking me for being in your life, etc. I would wonder if you even remembered that I got you a gift. I think what you wrote, even though it is heartfelt and sincere, can come off as forced as well.

TerriHugg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-bad-to-not-mention-the-gift-in-the-thank-you-note?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6da334-e4d3-4a66-b8c8-8f6bb9511452Post:7f2120c9-c572-42db-ba5a-bfba3823640b">Re:Is it bad to not mention the gift in the Thank You Note?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you need to mention the gift since that's what you are thanking them for. You can write all the other stuff too. But if I got a card thanking me for being in your life, etc. I would wonder if you even remembered that I got you a gift. I think what you wrote, even though it is heartfelt and sincere, can come off as forced as well.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks for this. The reason I don't think mine will come of as forced, because I LOVE cards and write notes to people all the time so my family will know that I'm genuine with when I say it. I literally send one card a day to a person 5 days week. </div><div>
</div><div>I didn't mention the specific gifts. I just said thanks for the gift. It's truly appreciative blah blah blah... So I guess I just add the specific gifts to the other ones that weren't sent out yet as opposed to just thanks for the gift or thanks for coming. </div>

Kate61487

I wouldn't re-write them or anything, but point forward (for wedding thank yous, etc.) I would make more mention of the gift.  As thoughtful and personalized as I'm sure your notes were if the specific gift isn't mentioned your guests might think you wrote the same thing for everyone, KWIM?  Or that you didn't even know which gift was from them.  JMO.

Knottie_22382102

Mention the gift.

TerriHugg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-bad-to-not-mention-the-gift-in-the-thank-you-note?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6da334-e4d3-4a66-b8c8-8f6bb9511452Post:3fd0dee1-b108-45e4-b87c-dff230d5f6b2">Re: Is it bad to not mention the gift in the Thank You Note?</a>:
[QUOTE]In general, you should mention the gift. The way to write a TY note that doesn't sound like an obligation is this: Aunt Mary, You know my taste so well. The vase you picked out for FI and I goes perfectly with our new living room set. We can't wait to have you over so you can see for yourself. Thank you so much for such a perfect gift. It was lovely to see you at the shower, tell Uncle John FI and I send our regards. Love,  Terri If you don't start out, "thank you for the vase" it sounds a lot better. Since the notes are already personal and heartfelt, I'd send them as is, and do better for the wedding TYs.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

<div>Thakns for the suggestion. I get what you are saying. I just always felt like those sounded so fake too me. I guess I focus more on the showering with "love" aspect of tthe shower than the "showering" with gifts portion. I guess I will do a combination of your suggestion and my heartfelt version for the wedding thank you's. </div>

TerriHugg

Ok.. It seems the general consensus is that I did it wrong. LOL It is noted and I will include for thank you notes. 

misshart00

In Response to Re:Is it bad to not mention the gift in the Thank You Note?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it bad to not mention the gift in the Thank You Note?:In general, you should mention the gift. The way to write a TY note that doesn't sound like an obligation is this: Aunt Mary, You know my taste so well. The vase you picked out for FI and I goes perfectly with our new living room set. We can't wait to have you over so you can see for yourself. Thank you so much for such a perfect gift. It was lovely to see you at the shower, tell Uncle John FI and I send our regards. Love, nbsp;Terri If you don't start out, "thank you for the vase" it sounds a lot better. Since the notes are already personal and heartfelt, I'd send them as is, and do better for the wedding TYs.Posted by Liatris2010Thakns for the suggestion. I get what you are saying. I just always felt like those sounded so fake too me. I guess I focus more on the showering with "love" aspect of tthe shower than the "showering" with gifts portion. I guess I will do a combination of your suggestion and my heartfelt version for the wedding thank you's.nbsp; Posted by TerriHugg[/QUOTE]

I think this is the best idea. I just wanted to follow up that I don't necessarily think you need to rewrite the ones you already have. Just use the above strategy for future gifts.

Peledreamsofrain

I did both in my thank you cards.  I was geniunely thankful, and like you, worried that it wouldn't come across.  So I kinda went overboard :P.

Kristin789

The "thank you" does not thank the person for their positive influence in your life - that's for another time and another card.
The "thank you" is specifically to thank the person for THE GIFT.

OwningAHome1981

You should definitely mention what the gift is in the thank you note. If I received one without mention of it, I would probably wonder if you a) received it and b) that you know it came from me. You can definitely say something about how important to you they are, but I think it's important to mention the gift as well.

While I have a different opinion on what the purpose of a shower is than most people (I feel it is sort of how you feel, about "showering the bride with love" as opposed to gifts), most people do bring gifts to the shower, so they need to be thanked for that.

TerriHugg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-bad-to-not-mention-the-gift-in-the-thank-you-note?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6da334-e4d3-4a66-b8c8-8f6bb9511452Post:b968c37e-2dfa-4d5f-ac5f-84e18cf875c4">Re: Is it bad to not mention the gift in the Thank You Note?</a>:
[QUOTE]You should definitely mention what the gift is in the thank you note. If I received one without mention of it, I would probably wonder if you a) received it and b) that you know it came from me. You can definitely say something about how important to you they are, but I think it's important to mention the gift as well. While I have a different opinion on what the purpose of a shower is than most people (I feel it is sort of how you feel, about "showering the bride with love" as opposed to gifts), most people do bring gifts to the shower, so they need to be thanked for that.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks for understanding my view. I will definitely make note to thank people for the gift, but I still think I will emphasize the showering of love aspect more. It really does seem more genuine to me. After all, I think it's kinda dumb to "say you know me so well and that's why you picked the pot," It doesn't mean they know you so well when they probably picked it just because it was on your registry. That's why it seems fake and forced to me. </div><div>
</div><div>So instead, I think I will write "having you at the shower really made my heart smile considering our 20 year friendship. You have always been there for me and it means a lot to know that even after all this time our friendship is as strong as ever. Thanks so much for coming and for generously gifting me with the pot." .... Something like that. </div>

banana468

Ditto PPs.

If I got a note like that with no mention of the gift, I'd also wonder if it was a form letter or if it wasn't written by the sender.    I know that sounds bad but i've also received TY notes for presents I never sent.

BubblyBride75

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-bad-to-not-mention-the-gift-in-the-thank-you-note?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6da334-e4d3-4a66-b8c8-8f6bb9511452Post:e9e4a7d0-8519-4c1e-a2e4-a93989ac6a20">Re: Is it bad to not mention the gift in the Thank You Note?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it bad to not mention the gift in the Thank You Note? : Thanks for understanding my view. I will definitely make note to thank people for the gift, but I still think I will emphasize the showering of love aspect more. It really does seem more genuine to me. After all, I think it's kinda dumb to "say you know me so well and that's why you picked the pot," It doesn't mean they know you so well when they probably picked it just because it was on your registry. That's why it seems fake and forced to me.  So instead, I think I will write <strong>"having you at the shower really made my heart smile considering our 20 year friendship. You have always been there for me and it means a lot to know that even after all this time our friendship is as strong as ever. Thanks so much for coming and for generously gifting me with the pot." .... Something like that. </strong>
Posted by TerriHugg[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You seem like a very genuine person, when you get a gift for someone do you put thought into it? I would guess that you do. Don't under estimate your friends and family. Yes they pick things off a registry but most people do try to find something specific that they think you would really enjoy or use frequently. At my shower half the guests explained why they got me what they did (I have a seashell theme bathroom too! We have an ice cream maker and we use it all the time as a family! This was one of our favorite gifts when we got married! I saw this and thought it would be a perfect centerpiece and match your dishes). </div><div>
</div><div>Honestly, if I received a thank you like what you wrote above, I would assume that either A) You hated the gift (but if I bought it off your registry that seems unlikely) or B) You don't care that I spent myhard earned money on you, and took time out of my busy schedule to spend half an hour at a store thinking about you and what you would like.</div><div>
</div><div>Thank you notes are to thank the gift giver for the time and effort they put into getting a gift for you. To not include a sincere thanks for the gift means it isn't a thank you note. By all means, write "thank you for coming and showering me with love" notes and send them along with the thank you notes for the gifts.

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TerriHugg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-bad-to-not-mention-the-gift-in-the-thank-you-note?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6da334-e4d3-4a66-b8c8-8f6bb9511452Post:6c1e6c5d-cc19-4c15-9e14-c542c2ff87a3">Re: Is it bad to not mention the gift in the Thank You Note?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it bad to not mention the gift in the Thank You Note? : You seem like a very genuine person, when you get a gift for someone do you put thought into it? I would guess that you do. Don't under estimate your friends and family. Yes they pick things off a registry but most people do try to find something specific that they think you would really enjoy or use frequently. At my shower half the guests explained why they got me what they did (I have a seashell theme bathroom too! We have an ice cream maker and we use it all the time as a family! This was one of our favorite gifts when we got married! I saw this and thought it would be a perfect centerpiece and match your dishes).  Honestly, if I received a thank you like what you wrote above, I would assume that either A) You hated the gift (but if I bought it off your registry that seems unlikely) or B) You don't care that I spent myhard earned money on you, and took time out of my busy schedule to spend half an hour at a store thinking about you and what you would like. Thank you notes are to thank the gift giver for the time and effort they put into getting a gift for you. To not include a sincere thanks for the gift means it isn't a thank you note. By all means, write "thank you for coming and showering me with love" notes and send them along with the thank you notes for the gifts.
Posted by BubblyBride75[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>BubblyBride, You are AMAZING. This is such an eloquent response. And I totally get it now. I guess, I was just thinking about how I feel when I receive obvious generic thank you notes from gift recipients. It is just truly a pet peeve of mine because I am a MAJOR card person so I was determined to go above and beyond by putting personal touches in each and every card. ( I literally spent the entirety of Sunday  writing like two decent length paragraphs in each card for each person because that's what I appreciate in cards and thought other people would appreciatei it too.) Again, I hate it when people are obviously stretching to say they loved a table cloth. To me, those types of responses seem impersonal and extremely generic which I HATE. </div><div>
</div><div>I guess I've just always been the type of person that genuinely believes in the whole "your presence is present enough" cliche. But after reading your response I now clearly see why I should have been more specific about each gift. You have explained it the best of all and I TruLY appreciate that. Now I feel bad for focusing more on the showering with love part than the showering with gifts aspect. Hopefully, they won't be too offended once they receive their lenthy personalized cards within two days after the shower. Thanks again for the well-thought out explaination. 

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