Whats the proper etiquette to ensure an adult only wedding?

wlwilson87

How to I make sure people know its an adult only ceremony and reception? 

We plan on having an adult only wedding that will start around 7:30 pm and end around 12. Most of our relatives and super close friends know and love the "no kids" idea. Its a formal wedding so cranky, whinning and misbehaving kids are not going to mix well. We're addressing the invitations to each couple and not to the whole family...ex. Mr. and Mrs. Sean Marcos. Just trying to find other ways to drop hints and let guests know that kids are not invited.

I know some people may not be happy and may even decide not to attend because of it but we're ok with that. Any advice would be great. Thanks

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

You're doing it right already.

If people RSVP with their kids, you just call and politely tell them you can't accomodate children.

Word of mouth and addressing to the people who are actually invited is all you're supposed to do.

squirrly

You only list the names of the invited guests on the invitation envelope.  You can also personalize the RSVP cards with names.  If they RSVP for a number higher than what you invited, you call and let them know.

That's it.

[Deleted User]

There really isn't a nice way to put that on the invites. Just address the invite to the people who are actually invited, which is sounds like you are already doing.

Do you have the meal choices on the rsvp cards? For example, I know we had one line in which the person indicated how many kids meals they needed. This may help, too.

And if you get rsvp's back with more people than you invited, simply call and tell them we cannot accomodate so and so.

jenb1205

You are doing the right thing.

But...

We did break the rules and put Adults Only on the reception card.  My cousin still RSVPed with all of his four kids (even though the invite was addressed to only him and his wife).  My dad called them to let them know that we were not having kids.  They thought it would be ok that the kids came to the ceremony, to which my dad said no because that was acutally the most important part for me to not have kids. 

Three days before the wedding, his mom, my aunt, asked me if the kids could come and stand outside the church and be in the family photo after the ceremony.  In my situation, it didn't matter how blatantly clear we were on the issue, there were still people that did not want to understand. 

sprat85

I had the same issue.  I don't know if it was correct or not but our R.S.V.P.'s stated "we have reserved ___ seats for you". 

palmettogirl924

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whats-proper-etiquette-ensure-adult-only-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d7cc149-3692-4f7a-9220-1a2bfbc2bfacPost:644055a9-6e1d-413c-94ed-d62dabeadbce">Re: Whats the proper etiquette to ensure an adult only wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I had the same issue.  I don't know if it was correct or not but our R.S.V.P.'s stated "we have reserved ___ seats for you". 
Posted by sprat85[/QUOTE]


This! I don't know if it's "etiquette" correct, but this is what I will be doing. I've seen it a few times and think it's great.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whats-proper-etiquette-ensure-adult-only-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d7cc149-3692-4f7a-9220-1a2bfbc2bfacPost:2ff8eacc-a765-4ff8-80ff-4ef0fb1db627">Re: Whats the proper etiquette to ensure an adult only wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Whats the proper etiquette to ensure an adult only wedding? : This! I don't know if it's "etiquette" correct, but this is what I will be doing. I've seen it a few times and think it's great.
Posted by palmettogirl924[/QUOTE]

Bear in mind that this can open the door for substitutions.  George Jetson could substitute his boy Elroy because Jane his wife can't be there.  And you reserved two seats so they have their opening to you on why you can't say no.

cdavis0620

Oh, jenb1205, I feel ya!  We've been talking to my fiance's sister for MONTHS, trying to get her to understand why she can't bring her 6 month old.  She had finally agreed to leave the baby in the hotel (walking distance from the wedding) with a trusted sitter, with the understanding that she'd pop out to check on her every now and then.  Ok, great.  A few weeks ago, she emailed us to "let us know her plan for the wedding" and then informed us that the sitter would stand at the back of the ceremony and hold the baby, and then bring her down for pictures.  We were like, um, no?  Seems that she had conveniently "forgotten" the arrangement to have the baby stay at the hotel. So she agreed again that there'd be no baby at the ceremony, but then was like, I'll just have the sitter bring her over for pictures.  Um....no?!  We told her the after-ceremony portraits were just for the wedding party and parents, and she was like, oh, well most people use weddings as an opportunity to get a free family portrait, so that's why I was trying to bring the baby.  Geez.

banana468

Honestly, I do think it's kinda crappy to tell your FI's sister that she can't bring her kid.

aurianna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whats-proper-etiquette-ensure-adult-only-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d7cc149-3692-4f7a-9220-1a2bfbc2bfacPost:2e8fcb77-2651-490c-8ebe-b4ce8efade33">Re: Whats the proper etiquette to ensure an adult only wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I do think it's kinda crappy to tell your FI's sister that she can't bring her kid.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

I disagree with that. It's an adult-only wedding. It sounds like it's a formal event. If they invited her to an opera or grand awards banquet, the child wouldn't be invited, regardless of whose kid it was. This is no different. (I'm doing adult only too, so I'm probably biased).

Now, you can not put adult only on the invites (which I don't think you did, so good), but I've heard you can on the website. On my website I have a part that says this:
"Should you elect to bring children with you to St. Louis, we will soon be posting a list of hotel recommended babysitters you may contact to care for your children during the event. The guest information portion of the website also has a list of St. Louis activities that would entertain older kids/teens (12-20) for the evening."


We are also addressing invitations specifically, as you said. So between that, word of mouth, and something on the website (if you have one), and having someone call should people still write-in, you might be set.

I would recommend getting babysitter phone numbers just in case there are some surprises though, so you have them on-call.

banana468

In should clarify: if the wedding is in a house of worship then it's open to the public.  So you really can't tell someone that they can or can't attend.

As far as not having kids at the reception, I'm in the camp that it's nicer to make exceptions for immediate family but if you want an adult reception go for it.  Just understand that when you tell that to immediate family, you do run the risk that the baby sitting pool may be the wedding guest list and that means a parent may need to decline.