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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Friday Wedding and Rehearsal Dinner Advice (long sorry)

So the venue that I really want for our reception if totally booked for every Saturday in October which is when we would really like to get married due to my school schedule (I'll be starting nursing school in January and I don't want it to be cold), which means I am seriously considering a Friday ceremony and skipping the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner.  My ceremony is going to be a simple catholic ceremony and my priest is totally fine without rehearsing but the one problem is my fiance's parents.  They are pretty traditional and have already told us that they want to take care of the rehearsal dinner and based on the one that they threw for his brother when he got married, they want something pretty formal and fancy.  My mother (who is paying for the reception) suggested that I explain the situation and tell them that we are planning for guests to arrive on Friday just before the ceremony and if they would like to be involved financially or with the planning, that they can help out with the reception instead, she even when so far as to offer to call my fiance's mother herself to suggest it.  My question for you guys is, do you think it is rude to even suggest this?  I love my fiance's mother to death and we have a good relationship but she can be a bit dramatic and I don't want it to come off like my family expects them to help pay for the reception. 

Re: Friday Wedding and Rehearsal Dinner Advice (long sorry)

  • Absolutely do not mention that. And you don't want your mommy calling his mommy to talk about finances. That's the height of tacky.
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friday-wedding-rehearsal-dinner-advice-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5de7bd11-9f81-4d4c-893a-acd62f300eb5Post:ecfc4096-e380-451d-a196-9cab5f8bb5c0">Friday Wedding and Rehearsal Dinner Advice (long sorry)</a>:
    [QUOTE]So the venue that I really want for our reception if totally booked for every Saturday in October which is when we would really like to get married due to my school schedule (I'll be starting nursing school in January and I don't want it to be cold), which means I am seriously considering a Friday ceremony and skipping the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner.  My ceremony is going to be a simple catholic ceremony and my priest is totally fine without rehearsing but the one problem is my fiance's parents.  They are pretty traditional and have already told us that they want to take care of the rehearsal dinner and based on the one that they threw for his brother when he got married, they want something pretty formal and fancy.  My mother (who is paying for the reception) suggested that I explain the situation and tell them that we are planning for guests to arrive on Friday just before the ceremony and if they would like to be involved financially or with the planning, that they can help out with the reception instead, she even when so far as to offer to call my fiance's mother herself to suggest it.  My question for you guys is, do you think it is rude to even suggest this?  I love my fiance's mother to death and we have a good relationship but she can be a bit dramatic and I don't want it to come off like my family expects them to help pay for the reception. 
    Posted by nikkicola11[/QUOTE]
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friday-wedding-rehearsal-dinner-advice-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5de7bd11-9f81-4d4c-893a-acd62f300eb5Post:ecfc4096-e380-451d-a196-9cab5f8bb5c0">Friday Wedding and Rehearsal Dinner Advice (long sorry)</a>:
    [QUOTE]So the venue that I really want for our reception if totally booked for every Saturday in October which is when we would really like to get married due to my school schedule (I'll be starting nursing school in January and I don't want it to be cold), which means I am seriously considering a Friday ceremony and skipping the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner.  My ceremony is going to be a simple catholic ceremony and my priest is totally fine without rehearsing but the one problem is my fiance's parents.  They are pretty traditional and have already told us that they want to take care of the rehearsal dinner and based on the one that they threw for his brother when he got married, they want something pretty formal and fancy.  My mother (who is paying for the reception) suggested that I explain the situation and tell them that we are planning for guests to arrive on Friday just before the ceremony and if they would like to be involved financially or with the planning, that they can help out with the reception instead, she even when so far as to offer to call my fiance's mother herself to suggest it.  My question for you guys is, do you think it is rude to even suggest this?  I love my fiance's mother to death and we have a good relationship but she can be a bit dramatic and I don't want it to come off like my family expects them to help pay for the reception. 
    Posted by nikkicola11[/QUOTE]
    Uhh I would not mention money at all with them. Is there a reason a rehearsal can't be on thursday or even before that??
  • Well the groom's family is coming from out of town as is about 50% of the wedding party so a Thursday rehearsal/dinner would require people to take off work which I would like to avoid.  Also I just feel like a fancy rehearsal diner might with a. overshadow the reception (which will be semiformal buffet-style) b. just feels unnecessary and repetitive.
  • If your guests are local I don't see why you can't have the rehearsal and/or dinner on Thursday.
    Oh no we dropped the groom!! imagePlanning Bio UPDATED
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friday-wedding-rehearsal-dinner-advice-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5de7bd11-9f81-4d4c-893a-acd62f300eb5Post:ecfc4096-e380-451d-a196-9cab5f8bb5c0">Friday Wedding and Rehearsal Dinner Advice (long sorry)</a>:
    [QUOTE]So the venue that I really want for our reception if totally booked for every Saturday in October which is when we would really like to get married due to my school schedule (I'll be starting nursing school in January and I don't want it to be cold), which means I am seriously considering a Friday ceremony and skipping the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner.  <strong>

    My ideal wedding venue is booked every Saturday, so I'm considering a Friday wedding with no rehearsal.
    </strong>
    My ceremony is going to be a simple catholic ceremony and my priest is totally fine without rehearsing but the one problem is my fiance's parents. 

    <strong>Our priest is okay with skipping the rehearsal, the FILs are not.</strong>

    They are pretty traditional and have already told us that they want to take care of the rehearsal dinner and based on the one that they threw for his brother when he got married, they want something pretty formal and fancy. 

    <strong>FILs want to throw us a fancy RD.</strong>

    My mother (who is paying for the reception) suggested that I explain the situation and tell them that we are planning for guests to arrive on Friday just before the ceremony and if they would like to be involved financially or with the planning, that they can help out with the reception instead, she even when so far as to offer to call my fiance's mother herself to suggest it. 

    <strong>My mom suggested seeing if FILs want to contribute to the rest of the planning since we don't want a RD.</strong>

    My question for you guys is, do you think it is rude to even suggest this?  I love my fiance's mother to death and we have a good relationship but she can be a bit dramatic and I don't want it to come off like my family expects them to help pay for the reception.

    <strong>Is this rude? I don't want to be selfish.</strong>
    Posted by nikkicola11[/QUOTE]

    That was easy.

    I would advise against suggesting this. You can choose to decline the RD and if they offer something else then fine. If your FI wants to suggest having a post-wedding brunch, I wouldn't judge that as much as I would you suggesting them to pay for everything else.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friday-wedding-rehearsal-dinner-advice-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5de7bd11-9f81-4d4c-893a-acd62f300eb5Post:0c63aeb2-5b99-4cd4-ab95-cd22e313e73a">Re: Friday Wedding and Rehearsal Dinner Advice (long sorry)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well the groom's family is coming from out of town as is about 50% of the wedding party so a Thursday rehearsal/dinner would require people to take off work which I would like to avoid.  Also I just feel like a fancy rehearsal diner might with a. overshadow the reception (which will be semiformal buffet-style) b. just feels unnecessary and repetitive.
    Posted by nikkicola11[/QUOTE]

    You can probably find a way to express this concern to your FMIL.

    If a member of my family was getting married OOT on a Friday and I was in the wedding party I would want to fly in on Thursday regardless. Maybe to help it start later you can skip the rehearsal and just have the dinner starting later than normal?
    Oh no we dropped the groom!! imagePlanning Bio UPDATED
  • If they really want to throw something for you, what about a day after brunch since it'll be Saturday?  Will you be in town?

    Thanks for the summary, Jess, and I agree with LVB about not having your mom call his mom.
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  • We are having a friday wedding and are planning a thursday rehersal, with a dinner and some decorating of the site, its not going to be anything formal, but neither is our wedding. Everyone who needs to rehearse will be there by thursday night, so theres no problem with it.
    If you just dont want one, thats another story, and try and find other ways to get his mom involved non financially, unless she asks, (she might, my mom practically begged to let her chip in, since due to distance issues she is not as involved in the details and fun parts of the planning that she would want to help with) and def your fiance and yourself should talk to her, your a grownup now about to be married, mommy shouldnt be taking care of these things for you.

  • Just to clarify there is NO way I would allow my mother to call her and suggest that, I would most likely have my fiance' call them to test the waters. I just wanted to hear people's opinions on it because my mother has been driving me nuts and I guess I wanted to be able to tell her how ridiculous that would be :)
  • I really do think that having your FI suggest a brunch that Saturday morning is good alternate to having the RD.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friday-wedding-rehearsal-dinner-advice-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5de7bd11-9f81-4d4c-893a-acd62f300eb5Post:d7841c5e-7a8f-4b48-8fc1-3ad7177a436c">Re: Friday Wedding and Rehearsal Dinner Advice (long sorry)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I really do think that having your FI suggest a brunch that Saturday morning is good alternate to having the RD.
    Posted by JessAndTrav[/QUOTE]

    I also think this is a good idea.
    Oh no we dropped the groom!! imagePlanning Bio UPDATED
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friday-wedding-rehearsal-dinner-advice-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5de7bd11-9f81-4d4c-893a-acd62f300eb5Post:ecf2ec09-cc28-413b-91ee-4fa753f100f0">Re: Friday Wedding and Rehearsal Dinner Advice (long sorry)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I still am failing to grasp why you couldn't do a rehearsal/dinner later on Thursday night. Our wedding is on a Friday and we are having a rehearsal at 6:00 on Thursday followed by dinner at 7:30. Wouldn't most people be there the night before anyway?
    Posted by Pink7781[/QUOTE]

    Our wedding is on Friday too and most of our guests aren't flying in until Friday morning. And most people can't take off the extra day. So we're skipping the rehearsal. FI and I are going to the restaurant to decorate the day before (they would probably let us in even earlier if we asked), because WE can't take too much time off either.

    It's not unheard of to skip the rehearsal and dinner.
    9.17.2010
    planning

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  • To make things a bit clearer about why I don't want to do it Thursday, most of my guests are OOT but not too far OOT, they range between 2 and 5 hours drive away (nobody is flying except my Fiance and I since we live in Florida and the wedding is in DC where I am originally from.  I am thinking of 5pm for the ceremony so most people will have to take Friday off or a 1/2 day but I just don't want to ask them all to take Thursday off too. 
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