When guests ask to bring out of control kids!!!!

lms2012

From day 1 of wedding planning, my fiance and I decided that only kids of family members will be invited to the wedding.  And we 100% did not want our Best Man's out of control kids to be invited.   We didn't include them on the invite.   The best man even knew his kids wouldn't be invited from the beginning - the kids even knew too!!
Just got an email from him asking if they can be invited!  I'm so mad that he would put us in this ackward position.  How do I handle this?!! 

Kate61487

You say "I'm sorry best man, as you know we are only having family children at the wedding.  We look forward to celebrating with you and your wife though!"

adamar15

First, calm down a bit.  Then, tell him the invitation was only for him and his wife/gf. 

Habs2Hart

No is not a four letter word.  Just be firm.

Maggie0829

You nicely but firmly remind him that you are unable to accomodate his children. 

But I do have to say I think it is kind of sucky that you are allowing some people to bring children but not others.  I know you said that it was just family members but this is your FI best man and typically best friends are almost thought of as family.

MyUserName1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-guests-ask-to-bring-out-of-control-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e42eb20-86ef-4364-a0dd-93ff1af616c7Post:442c4765-f06a-4470-b894-e07a219c589c">Re: When guests ask to bring out of control kids!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]You nicely but firmly remind him that you are unable to accomodate his children.  <strong>But I do have to say I think it is kind of sucky that you are allowing some people to bring children but not others.  I know you said that it was just family members but this is your FI best man and typically best friends are almost thought of as family.</strong>
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

<div>...I think it's sucky you're getting judgy about her not inviting the BMs brats.  </div><div>
</div><div>OP, you're well within proper etiquette to only invite family children.</div>

MyUserName1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-guests-ask-to-bring-out-of-control-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e42eb20-86ef-4364-a0dd-93ff1af616c7Post:9459be7b-31fc-43c7-8969-3e3f7985866b">Re: When guests ask to bring out of control kids!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When guests ask to bring out of control kids!!!! : Hi, get out of my brain.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

<div>NEVAR!</div>

NicoleSahara

OMG not the end of the world!!!!!!! If I were put in this position, I would tell him unfortunately that while you'd love to have the little rugrats there, he can't bring his kids because it would offend other friends whose children were also not invited.

lms2012

All of the children of family members - are all out of state guests, total we're looking at about 14 kids.   That is why we decided on kids of family would be invited.

PetalPockets2012

You can invite whoever you want, including the children you want. People might be upset if you invite some and not others but that's just how it is.

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-guests-ask-to-bring-out-of-control-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e42eb20-86ef-4364-a0dd-93ff1af616c7Post:442c4765-f06a-4470-b894-e07a219c589c">Re: When guests ask to bring out of control kids!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]You nicely but firmly remind him that you are unable to accomodate his children. <strong> But I do have to say I think it is kind of sucky that you are allowing some people to bring children but not others.  I know you said that it was just family members but this is your FI best man and typically best friends are almost thought of as family.</strong>
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]
Not really sucky at all. But do you think the BM maybe couldn't find a sitter and it's either his wife stays home and watches the kids or they come?  <div>
I had people ask me if they could bring their kids (extended family) And I just told them "I'm sorry, due to space we are only having H's neices, nephews and half brothers" 

And that was the end of that.</div>

AllAboutTheBenjamin

"Leave those assholes at home, I hate them and they smell."

lms2012

One kid is 15 and the other is 8 and their grandmother lives with them - so they don't really need a sitter and if they do, their grandmother is there. 
I just find it a little rude that he would ask - only because the best man has known for months that his children wouldn't be invited.   I guess I needed to vent about it.  Most of our friends that we are inviting that have kids - wouldn't want to bring their kids anyway - don't most parents love a break from their kids every once in awhile?!

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-guests-ask-to-bring-out-of-control-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e42eb20-86ef-4364-a0dd-93ff1af616c7Post:f8e5e169-bb36-446e-8e4d-8e1935c1998f">Re: When guests ask to bring out of control kids!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]"Leave those assholes at home, I hate them and they smell."
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

I like this response the best.

But seriously, it isn't the end of the world. Tell him you're sorry but the invitation was only for he and his wife.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with not inviting everybody's kids. If people really don't want to leave the kids at home for a night, they can RSVP no.

kate&cor2012

I feel your pain. I firmly said I didn't want any children at all at the wedding. FMIL twisted my arm and made me invite the children in the family (they are contributing 1/4 of the cost of the wedding). Now, I have people I barely f*cking know tacking on plus one's and two's for their children. I am in a blind rage right now because my FMIL nor my fiance will tell the people they can't take their kids because "it's rude". NO, it's rude to invite people to someone else's wedding without even asking, what gall! I wanted it to be an adult reception and no babies bawling during the ceremony but that's over. I'm over-reacting,i know, but I had a crappy day at work, am hungry and shaky and was not pleased coming home to self added plus one RSVP's in the mail.

lms2012

I totallly get you Kate!  As if wedding planning wasn't stressful enough - you have to deal with this stuff.  Did I mention that the best man's wife wants to wear the same color dress as the bridesmaids - so she can "match" with her husband?!  FML. 

kate&cor2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-guests-ask-to-bring-out-of-control-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e42eb20-86ef-4364-a0dd-93ff1af616c7Post:b8ce5dc7-8c8c-4d24-a75f-80cda5c98f0a">Re: When guests ask to bring out of control kids!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I totallly get you Kate!  As if wedding planning wasn't stressful enough - you have to deal with this stuff.  <strong>Did I mention that the best man's wife wants to wear the same color dress as the bridesmaids - so she can "match" with her husband?!</strong>  FML. 
Posted by lms2012[/QUOTE]

<p>That's a new one I haven't heard yet in the planning process! It isn't prom, come on now. Save the matching outfits for Disney World. </p>

lms2012

That's exactly what I said!!!   Why an almost 50 year old woman  would think to ask a bride that and admit to wanting to match her husband is beyond me....

 Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-guests-ask-to-bring-out-of-control-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e42eb20-86ef-4364-a0dd-93ff1af616c7Post:6e3c638e-ae0d-4ec4-92c3-3ed67e6187c3">Re: When guests ask to bring out of control kids!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When guests ask to bring out of control kids!!!! : That's a new one I haven't heard yet in the planning process! It isn't prom, come on now. Save the matching outfits for Disney World.
Posted by kate&cor2012[/QUOTE]

Maggie0829

Wow, I always thought the rules of inviting kids was if you invite some you should invite all because it isn't fair to pick and choose or have a certain age cut off point (without breaking up siblings), but guess not.

DreamCLG7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-guests-ask-to-bring-out-of-control-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e42eb20-86ef-4364-a0dd-93ff1af616c7Post:a1a14f01-09e2-478d-8d48-eb8ed5994e64">Re: When guests ask to bring out of control kids!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I always thought the rules of inviting kids was if you invite some you should invite all because it isn't fair to pick and choose or have a certain age cut off point (without breaking up siblings), but guess not.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

"fair" to whom?  this isn't 3rd grade, where we can't chew gum if we don't have enough to share with the class.

i don't like kids (except my own), and o especially despise ill-mannered snot nosed brats, so, yeah...

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-guests-ask-to-bring-out-of-control-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e42eb20-86ef-4364-a0dd-93ff1af616c7Post:9a847a3e-5af4-4fe3-9933-a47d81b16468">Re: When guests ask to bring out of control kids!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When guests ask to bring out of control kids!!!! : "fair" to whom?  this isn't 3rd grade, where we can't chew gum if we don't have enough to share with the class. i don't like kids (except my own), and o especially despise ill-mannered snot nosed brats, so, yeah...
Posted by DreamCLG7[/QUOTE]

I have seen here on many occassions where brides ask if it would be ok to not invite certain kids because they aren't good but ok to invite others because they like them better.  Typically the answer is that it would be rude to your guests to only select a few to bring their kids because it would basically be saying that you don't like certain people's kids.

I have to agree with you that I don't like very many kids, I think they are annoying but I know if I have some then I would love mine but still dislike all others, but when I invited people to my wedding, if I invited some kids I invited them all (luckily that only included 6 kids).

MyUserName1

I don't recall anyone ever saying that you have to invite everyone's kids just because you invite family children.  That's a pretty clear cut-off. 

Anyway, I think that most people recommend that people pick a clear cut-off (such as age, relation, etc.) simply so that Mom's neighbor Sally doesn't get pissed that her precious darlings didn't get invited when FFIL's co-workers kids did.

sarabellam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-guests-ask-to-bring-out-of-control-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e42eb20-86ef-4364-a0dd-93ff1af616c7Post:a1a14f01-09e2-478d-8d48-eb8ed5994e64">Re: When guests ask to bring out of control kids!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I always thought the rules of inviting kids was if you invite some you should invite all because it isn't fair to pick and choose or have a certain age cut off point (without breaking up siblings), but guess not.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

Nope, you thought wrong.

lily_721

Nope...  Family only is family only.  Its a very reasonable request.  My good friend wanted to bring her daughter.  Daughter is fine -- but friend is a crazy mom.  DH's family has a group parenting concept for family gatherings and friend would not be able to handle it with her child.

lms2012

UPDATE:  I calmly spoke with the Best Man and told him that as much as we would've liked to have his children at the wedding - that would mean we would most likely hurt some guests feelings and that we had only planned on inviting family kids. Thankfully, he understood!  Thanks for the tips/advice, and the funny comments!  Happy wedding planning!

kmilon01

I had someone ask if they could bring their (uninvited) child, and at the time our guest list was at the max, so I told the truth. I said that even though it was a child, the venue only counted bodies not child vs adult and we were at our limit, they would allow no more bodies.  Now that we've had a few 'No' RSVP's that have brought us below our limit, I still use the excuse to avoid the awkwardness or hurt feelings.  Nobody knows what the venue capacity is or what our head count max is, so I feel safe to use it for everyone who ask to bring an univinted guest.