Second Wedding--Who do I "have" to invite?

ickletarakins

Okay, here's the deal--

We are paying for our own wedding. With what we have decided to do, we literally cannot have more than 59 people there (the 60th will be the photographer), and that 59 people includes US!

This is his first wedding but my second. I am not close with any of my family members except for my grandparents. I see and like some more than others, but with my family...they'll just cause havoc with my parents if I invite one uncle and not another, you know?

He has a decent sized family and my FRIENDS are my family. I would rather have 20 of my closest friends there than waste those invitations on people I barely know and don't really care for. So...is it COMPLETELY wrong/awful to ONLY invite my parents and sisters, and my grandparents??? It's not that I "hate" these aunts and uncles and cousins...it's that I just don't feel they need to be there, and again, if I don't invite them, that's more friends for me to invite.

Input? Advice? Thanks!

shellydiane820

i don't see a problem with that. 

MyNameIsNot

If you are paying, you can invite whomever you like.  Yes, parents, grandparents and siblings is fine.  

Some of your aunts and uncles may be upset, and there's nothing you can do about it.  But that doesn't entitle them to an invitation if there are other people that you are closer to.  

BostonGayGal

I think that is fine.  I would just plan to be gracious to your extended family in saying that you wished you could have had everyone there.  

sarabellam

Sounds just right to me. Invite siblings, 'rents, and g'rents, and have more room for your friends. What does your FI think of this strategy?

ickletarakins

He doesn't seem to care But then again, he is close with all of his family and is inviting them instead of inviting a bunch of friends...he's met some of my family and only really likes maybe a third of them? If that? Plus I have two family members who can be really abrasive and I have to admit that I'm worried about one of them causing a drunken scene and the other one starting some ridiculous political debate. Sad but true.

riverjib

Sounds fair. I like that you're realistic. Family takes on new meaning as you get older. It's actually worse if you're extremely close to only some of your extended family. I have aunts and an uncle who are closer to me than my parents, and other aunts, uncles, and cousins who I really don't like at all. I'm not in the position to choose because it's political. But the standard rules of etiquette don't have to apply to both sides, so if you only have immediate family and friends, nobody can gripe even if they're not happy about it. If you said you only wanted to invited one aunt and not the rest, it might be murky, but I think your plan is totally reasonable.

ickletarakins

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-wedding-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ec27b89-c2c8-4e69-85cd-0ec6f321c5dcPost:f955f49c-b548-45ef-9500-971cab25ebea">Re: Second Wedding--Who do I "have" to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sounds fair. I like that you're realistic. Family takes on new meaning as you get older. It's actually worse if you're extremely close to only some of your extended family. I have aunts and an uncle who are closer to me than my parents, and other aunts, uncles, and cousins who I really don't like at all. I'm not in the position to choose because it's political. But the standard rules of etiquette don't have to apply to both sides, so if you only have immediate family and friends, nobody can gripe even if they're not happy about it. If you said you only wanted to invited one aunt and not the rest, it might be murky, but I think your plan is totally reasonable.
Posted by riverjib[/QUOTE]

Thanks...

...of course, now I ask...how does one go about explaining who is and isn't invited? I know that these family members (and some friends, as well) are going to EXPECT to be invited...should I make some sort of announcement about the fact that our wedding is going to be VERY small? If so...how does one even go about that? Or should I just leave it as is and wait until they come after me, all annoyed that they aren't invited?