not attending wedding, do I have to send a gift?

tmwishful

I was invited to a wedding that's at least 2 hours away and not very close family.  It wouldn't be worth it for me to go, by the time I add up babysitting, travel time and distance, etc.  I would love to go if it's closer.  Am I required by etiquette rules to send a gift or money anyway?  I'm guessing no but I wanted feedback anyway.  Background:  distant relatives, see some in this group maybe once a year at the most, the groom is a first cousin 3x removed.  I had a baby last year and he didn't send me anything.  TIA

achiduck

You are never required to give a gift but it's a nice thing to do. For someone like you're describing I'd probably send a $25 gift card or a bottle of wine and a card.

Gifts are also not tit for tat.

Maggie0829

Gifts are not required.  This goes for new babies as well.  But they are nice gestures.  If you don't want to spend any money I would at least send a nice congratulatory card.

And like Duds said, gifts are not tit-for-tat so if that is your only reason for possibly not sending a gift that is a pretty petty reason.

tmwishful

It's not so much tit for tat, but the fact that I never see these relatives and suspect they only invited me as a formality with the hopes of getting some cash.  I doubt they expect us to attend.  

walgrrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-attending-wedding-do-i-have-to-send-a-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ed003e6-a3a3-4028-8132-7d0dea52686dPost:698ede64-42d5-4896-b89e-e26c8705a59d">Re: not attending wedding, do I have to send a gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: not attending wedding, do I have to send a gift? : A lot of people have to go through the "formality" of inviting long lost family members to their weddings.  Most of the time, it's to keep someone else in the family happy. I doubt it's a gift grab.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

This.  I am inviting quite a few relatives I hardly ever see to my wedding and I really hope no one sees it as a gift grab!  We have decided to invite all aunts, uncles, first cousins, and children of first cousins to keep our parents and grandparents happy and also to avoid looking like we are picking favorites.  I genuinely hope everyone comes and has a good time, I could care less whether or not anyone brings us a gift.

ninamyspace

Same. Sometimes you get an invite just because the person is being nice or doesn't make them feel lefto ut.

achiduck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-attending-wedding-do-i-have-to-send-a-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ed003e6-a3a3-4028-8132-7d0dea52686dPost:698ede64-42d5-4896-b89e-e26c8705a59d">Re: not attending wedding, do I have to send a gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: not attending wedding, do I have to send a gift? : A lot of people have to go through the "formality" of inviting long lost family members to their weddings. <strong> Most of the time, it's to keep someone else in the family happy.</strong> I doubt it's a gift grab.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]
This is why most of my cousins are invited.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Wedding gifts are simply a way of sending best wishes to the couple, so whether or not you attend (or are even invited to) the wedding is irrelevent.