Wedding party dilemma

antibride723

I was asked to be in my brothers wedding earlier this year. Even though I am planning my own nuptials in August I accepted because their wedding is in December, set aside about 100 dollars from my own fund and continually asked about when we were going shopping for dresses.

Instead I get a text in the middle of my Sunday telling me that the dress has been selected it's 230 and you need to be measured order and pay by Friday. Keep in mind I was not sent a single picture or style number I of course don't have that kind of money so I figured I'll borrow or put it on a credit card. I really don't have the time either to make the drive this week. I called to make the appointment only to find out that it will have to be done by Saturday the only way they can get me in is if I come during the week and I can't leave work to do it. The cost is 25 dollars more and with my height will cost 150 to hem not to mention the undergarments needed to hold it up because it is strapless. I feel awful but I feel like I need to back out because it is just too much. Just from talking with the lady on the phone today it sounds like it will cost more than my own bridal gown. Any advice?

shanding4787

I would tell the bride that you just can't afford that. The budget should have definitely been discussed with you. I've been upfront about the budget for my girls' dresses (to which they were all thrilled with) and I'm not looking at anything above that mark.

adamar15

Tell them you can't afford it.

Maggie0829

I agree with PP, just tell the bride that you are sorry but you are unable to afford the dress picked.

It was completely rude of her not to ask your budget beforehand.

egm900

That's really short notice for someone to go get measured and pay for the dress, much less the fact a budget wasn't discussed.  I would call the person you are closer to, whether it's FSIL or Brother, and tell them that you've talked to the store and after alterations, etc. you would be spending over $400 on the dress, and that is not economically feasible for you at this time, so you must regretfully step down.

QueerFemme

I agree with PP.  Call the bride and tell her you cannot swing spending that much.  They should have aksed you what your budget was prior to picking out a dress.   Tell her you have $100.00 set aside, and that is all you can afford.

Mrs.B6302007

If you don't have the money, be straight up with her.  She was wrong for not asking your budget and not giving you any warning that this was coming so quickly.   Don't feel bad about not being able to do it because of her poor planning.  And please don't put it on your credit card because of her planning, either.

Winnertag1

I think you should tell her you cant afford it, but do appreciate ever so much that she had asked you.

I feel like people dont bother to ask direct family what their budget is because they just assume they would do it since it's family - which is rude to just assume. 

AEPerpete

I would be upfront with her and let her know that especially on such short notice, you cannot afford the dress. Let her know you have spoken with the store, and now realize how much it will cost (because it wasn't discussed with you before). I wouldn't automatically back out of the WP because maybe she will offer to help you out, or at least apologize about the short notice. Maybe something can still be worked out.
Good Luck!

jmayinc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-party-dilemma-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ed1fe42-f2e3-4912-b776-96841e76b588Post:a40b4d51-8846-4f68-bf1d-acc5a666b904">Re: Wedding party dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should be honest with the bride.   Tell her that you were so flattered to be invited, but unfortunately you can not afford it.   You are giving her plenty of time. 
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

This. You can politely decline.