Our families are on opposite sides of the country...help!

Jackie5711

Hi Ladies!
I'm new here, just got engaged a week ago
I'm not sure if this is the right board...but I have a bit of a problem...
A quick bio...I'm from Denver, but currently live and work in New York City. I took a job here right after school expecting to only be here a year and then I would move back. But, unexpectedly...I met the man of my dreams(!), and now my future is in New York.
All of my family and friends are back in Denver, all of his here. My fiancee's (Rich) family is wonderful, very traditional, old-school Italian family from the Bronx. The problem is, they haven't really ever ventured outside of what is familiar to them, many of them have never been on a plane before. 
We've been going back and forth for months about where the wedding would be. The day of our engagement we decided it would be here, and we booked the date at our church. My parents said they just want me to be happy, but feel I'm being pressured to have it here. 
As we've been shopping around for reception locations, we're finding this wedding is going to cost us easily double of what it would be in Denver. My father is paying for it, and is not thrilled with the prices I've been telling him. I was willing to have it here so all of Rich's friends and family could be in attendance. But now, it just seems too expensive, and I will have to give up things that I want in my wedding just to afford the basics. Rich told me he will marry me in the middle of Alaska if he has to, and doesn't mind going to Colorado, knowing many people on his side won't be able to come. Of course though, getting his family on board is becoming a problem. They want to have a small reception at a restaurant, to solve the cost problem. I absolutely do not want that. 
I'm just so torn because I would love my wedding to be in my home town, I know it would make my parents so happy, and my fiancee loves it there. But I'm feeling his family is going to make it difficult, and put big time pressure on Rich on why it should be in New York.
Thank you for anyone who made it to the end of this!! I just want to know if any of you have experienced a similar situation, and how you were able to bring both sides together, so everyone was happy. 
thank you!! Jackie

danieliza1127

First, congratulations!

Second, how about having the ceremony and reception in CO and then having a restaurant/small reception/dinner in NY for your FI's closest family and friends?  If your Dad offered to pay for the wedding, he could handle the CO stuff and you and your FI could pay for the NY reception and just keep it small and simple.

PreppySailor

You and your fi will ultimately have to decide what you want, and it will depend if any deposits have been paid for the wedding in NY. If it helps any, it is traditional for the wedding to be held in the Bride's hometown, but many couples now choose a place that is most convenient for the majority of their guests, or a meaningful place for the couple.

beatavic

I can really to your dilemma. My whole Family is in Poland (!!!!) and my FC is the only child and his Family is here in US. We decided to have a ceremony and reception here is US. My parents, my sister and her husband, and two of my best friends are coming from Poland a week before the wedding and will stay here for the wedding. Few days after the wedding we will all go to Poland and have another reception there. It`s much cheaper there, so we will have a party for the rest of my family. I`ll be wearing my wedding gown and my Mom is renting a hotel, so everything will be nice:)) My FC Mom, aunt, one cousin and few of our friends will be going to Poland with us as well. After the reception in Poland we will go for a little trip in Europe with our friends. I know it`s not exactly your situation but just an example how we did it.
Just remember that no matter how hard you will try, you can`t make everybody happy. I tried that and quickly realized that it doesn`t work, so I just follow what right for me and my FC.
Good luck:))

AmoroAgain

My H and I were living in Italy when we started planning, and both of our families are pretty scattered.  We used to live in Michigan, and much as I tried to find things in more "central" locations, it just was sooo hard trying to get things together because I just didn't know where to look.  So, I gave up and decided to have the wedding in a city and an area that I know.  It was so much less stressful!!

Here's the thing.  I'm not a proponate of doing the two reception thing.  People travel, or they don't (okay, except the Poland thing, that's extreme).  I had family come from GA, AZ, and KY, not to mention from all over the state of MI, so people do travel for weddings, when it's important.  We also created a TV website where people who couldn't make it to the wedding, could watch the ceremony.

The other idea is to have an all out destination wedding in say, Jamaica or the Carribean or something. 

TheCranberry

I agree with the PP who said you could have the ceremony/reception in CO with a smaller party and/or dinner in NYC.  I also like the streaming video idea.  Also, if you talk up the Denver wedding as a nice vacation for his family maybe more of them will come.  I hear Denver is very beautiful!

I'm from Georgia, and my FI is from NYC so I totally understand the cost constraints of NYC.  Your money goes so much further in other places.  If we end up having the wedding in Atlanta, we'll probably also have something in NYC for his family who couldn't travel.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Unfortunately... this happens to a lot of us. I live in LA, and we have family who lives in NY, MA, UT, MO, IA... you get the picture.

While it is easier to plan a wedding where you live (IMO) so you can meet with vendors, I also realize it can be more expensive. My wedding in Los Angeles is more expensive than it would have been in upstate NY, that's for sure. But I also see this as an opportunity to show my adopted city off to my friends and family, many of whom haven't had the chance to visit before.

As a compromise, could you do it somewhere closer to NY, so your FI's family can drive, but where it is still inexpensive? Maybe in the Catskills or Lake Placid? Or Vermont?

I also completely agree that people will come if they can and if they can't, they can't - you just have to accept that no matter what, you won't have a 100% attendance rate and leave it at that.

mica178

Congratulations!  I'm in the same situation as you (my family is in California, FI's is in FL, currently FI and I live in California), and ultimately, it was easier to plan the wedding here, so we're doing it here.  We both understood that one person's family would have to travel to attend, and it's a shame, but you can't help with whom you fall in love.

If your family's paying and your FI is okay with a CO wedding, have your wedding in CO.  Consider saving up money and offering to subsidize some of FI's family's travels.  Or do as the PPs suggested and have a second reception in the NY area to celebrate with his family after the wedding if so many people can't make it.  But you might be surprised and find that your FI's family is willing to travel for your wedding.

Jackie5711

Thank you all so much! This has been so helpful.

I really feel having the wedding in Denver with a second reception in New York for those who can't make it, is what I want. 

I have a tendency to put what everyone else wants a head of what I want. But for this day, I am just realizing I can't please everyone. I need to focus on what will make myself and my FI happy.

I'm thinking so much more clearly now, thank you!!